My dad was a very angry, bitter, twisted and critical man. He was emotionally abusive most of my life and did not care what he said to me or anyone else, no matter how bad, unpleasant or hurtful it was. He rejected me often. He could not see the good in anyone or anything. He appreciated nothing. There was nothing good in his life. I lived with him and mum longer than I should have done - till I was 35 years old owing to circumstances that would not allow me to move out till then. Me and mum were walking on egg shells for years on end. He would explode at even the slightest thing so I admit that I was scared of my own dad. Even when he was in a "good mood", I was wary because we only had to say the wrong thing and he would be sky high. Actually he put me through hell.

Thing is, about 2 years before he died, he told me that he was getting flash backs to the war. He said that he had been getting dead bodies from crashed planes (As part of his work with the RAF when he was 17 or 18 years old) and that some were even cut in half! I didnt think about this much till after my dad had died last year. Then it all came flooding back what he had said about the bodies in the crashed planes.

My dad was 84 when he died. He actually said in the last couple of years that he did not care how he made people feel or about what they thought either. I thought that was a sad statement for a man in his 80s.

But could he have been suffering with PTSD all these years? Needless to say it wasnt addressed and he was left alone with it.

I want to know that my dad didnt hate me. I am looking for all the reasons I can find that tell me he didnt hate me (After he treated me so badly for so long) and I am seriously wondering if part of his problems were down to PTSD.

What do you think? Any ideas or comments would be welcome.

Thank you.

Shirl