Eating Disorder - Warning - possibly triggering

[Karen]

Morning guys

Finally thought I had better start a new post as the old one Binge eating was over 50 pages.

Have not had a good night. I was planning on going to bed at about 11.30pm when the diarrhoea started again and kept me up until 2.00am.

Finally managed to get to sleep and was then woken at 5.00am with further stomach pains and more diarrhoea. I haven't really been able to sleep properly since. I know this is self-inflicted but I am so tired still, and have woken with a sore throat - hope I am not getting the latest cold that is doing the rounds at the clinic.

I am seeing my dietician at 11.00 this morning although on the way I have been feeling recently I'll be half asleep again by then [|)].

I want to turn this into a positive day (after all the recent negative ones) and get on with some of the jobs I have been meaning to do around the flat for the past few weeks. I am just not sure I have the energy to do any of it.

At the moment it looks like I have a problem with hoarding things when in fact I can't stand clutter [:O]. So I need to have a real sort through things, tidy up and get rid of what I don't want or need. In my head I am in the frame of mind to do it, but my body is not matching my good intentions. The furthest I've got so far is the sorting out of paperwork (whenever I did that - can't even remember now [:I]) and last night finally shredded all the paperwork I no longer need.

The weather seems a bit brighter here this morning too, but I have 101 things I need to do here - ironing, washing then more ironing, cleaning, vacuuming, dusting etc etc etc. I feel worn out just thinking about it all. I know I could spread these jobs out a bit but as my tenancy is up for renewal I don't know whether the landlord/agent will want to inspect the flat before renewing the tenancy. I've not heard anything from them and don't know how these things work. My tenancy is up on 27 May. I don't even know whether it is going to be renewed. I'll be homeless if not [:O].

Anyway, trying to motivate myself to get up, have a bath etc but not succeeding at the moment [8)].

Karen xx

[feege]

Morning Karen



Just thought I'd make your new place look cheerful - I'm sure Piglet will come along and do it better than I can!!!!

Well done for the PMA this morning - I'm sure your poor old bod will have trouble doing what you want it to but if you start being nice to it it will get there!

I hate doing personal admin stuff...it just never goes away does it - wouldn't it be lovely to just dump the lot and wait and see what happened - it wouldn't take long for it all to build up again!!!

I'm glad you're seeing the dietician - she's always really positive for you - and while it's so nice maybe you could go for a little walk? How is the seafront? I used to walk annie at glyne gap when I was visiting my mum - it was lovely up there...

That's made me wonder - have you thought about a pet? I'd rather have a dog than a person to be honest - that's real love[8D][8D] I don't know if you even like animals much? But a dog gets you out and about, meeting people, exercise, fresh air, company, love, responsibility.... If I didn't have to work I would have another one immediately!

I hope you manage to get some stuff done this morning and that the day goes well for you!

((((HUGS))))

Loads of love n hugs

Aunty Fee xxxxxxxxxxxx

Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com

Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!

[nomorepanic]

Karen

Sorry you had a bad night.

Try not to let it get on top of you and do one thing at a time. If it helps then make a list and then tick the things off once done. I am sure the tenancy thing will be fine. Why not call them and ask what happens so you don't get any nasty surprises nearer the time.

27th May - that is my big 40th birthday - haha

Hope you feel better later
xx

Nicola

[Karen]

Hi Fee

It was a good attempt at a positive mental attitude wasn't it [^]?!? In reality I don't know how much of it I will get done but the shredding was strangely therapeutic .

It's because I let all the admin and paperwork build up that there was so much to go through [:O] [Duh!]. But at least that is one job out of the way. Now for the hundred others on the list [:O].

Sarah - my dietician - is lovely and she is so keen to help me and it does help to have someone who really has an understanding of eating disorders. If only she was a therapist too lol! She tries her best with suggestions to help and it must be frustrating for her knowing there is a limit to what she can do until some of the psychological problems are dealt with.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">That's made me wonder - have you thought about a pet?<div align="right">Originally posted by feege - 10 May 2006 : 08:25:39</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I can't have pets here because it's a rented flat. I did have two cats before I moved but had to take them to be rehomed. It was heartbreaking and one of the hardest things I've had to do :(:(:(.

Thanks for the hugs and the decorations aunty.

Karen xx

[Karen]

Hi Nic

Thanks for your reply. The bad night was my own fault and I only have myself to blame but it's like a compulsion to do it to myself and this morning I feel better for a while because I am so empty. The trouble is the whole cycle starts again as soon as I eat anything [Sigh...]

Making a list is a good idea. I am just feeling bad about myself for letting things slide when I am naturally a tidy person and at the moment there seems to be stuff all over the place. Maybe a good clearing out and tidying up session will help me feel a little better about the time I do spend here.

It is also sensible to find out about the tenancy. I think I'll email the managing agents later and see what happens. I need to read through my agreement but I am sure the landlord would've had to give me notice by now if it wasn't going to be renewed.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">27th May - that is my big 40th birthday - haha
<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 10 May 2006 : 08:35:13</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Wow Nic - life begins at 40 - or so they say [^]. Still hope for me yet then! Are you having a big celebration?

Karen xx

[Piglet]

This is nice new place

It does need a few of my paintings and perhaps I need to get the rasp out to do a little carving. I haven't used the rasp for a while was considering using it on my hard skin but then haven't had to since cleaning the lining on my flip flops with a toothbrush, as now they have the texture of sandpaper every outing is a souce of exfoliation [:I].

Make a small list of the chores to be achieved and just take only one off the list to do - when that's done if you feel like having a go at another well you can, if not then that can wait for another day. Doing even one means that day you achieved something.

Off to draw around my feet and then colour in the corresponding body parts - love a bit of colouring. I have a big text book and my colors all to hand and sit in the front room to study then I can have a good nose outside to see what people are up - I shall report any good goings on later Someone's having wooden ventians fitted later so it's all happening!!!!!!

Big hug

Piglet xx

[Karen]

LOL Piglet!!!

Your poor feet every time you wear those flip flops [:O].

The painting sounds good and very therapeutic too! Is this to do with your reflexology course?

Feel free to help decorate the new place [8D].

Look forward to further reports later when I get back [^].

Karen xx

[Quirky]

Hi Karen,

Sorry to hear you had a bad night, I hope you feel better later and that the appointment with the dietician went well.

Nice new place [^], here have some positive vibes too

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

oh and a nice big (((((hug)))))

Good luck with getting the jobs done, don't overdo it though.

Thinking of you,

Lisa x

Lol Piglet - sounds like you're on neighbourhood watch today!

[heths]

Hi Karen,

I hope your appointment with your dietician has gone well.

I find sorting theraputic too. I find i'm least motivated to sort through paperwork, but once i've done it, it feels good.

Take Care,

Heather

[Karen]

Thank you Lisa and Heather.

I haven't really achieved too much today. I have sorted out some of the stuff that was scattered all over the floor into these new baskets I bought the other week. So at least it looks a bit tidier now.

I've also put clean bed linen on the bed, which desperately needed doing as I'm ashamed to say I can't remember when I last did this [:I], when I used to change it every week.

Put washing in the machine and then will have another pile of ironing to do [Sigh...].

However, I haven't hoovered or dusted which both desperately need doing.

The appointment with Sarah was ok. There really isn't much she can do to help me. As she said I need the psychological help and also to find the will to change and so far neither of these things are happening. She still keeps trying though and is willing to continue seeing me.

I stopped off at Tescos on the way home, which is part of a retail park. I was so focused after leaving my meeting with Sarah but then bought some of these chocolate Highlight biscuits. So stupid :(. There are 75 calories in each bag but they only come in mutipacks of 6. I should ruin them with bleach now and dump them before I get tempted. Also bought today's supply of laxatives.

Then, because it is embarrassing buying too many in one place, I went next door to Boots to buy tomorrow's supply. Even though it is such a lovely day I have to plan my day around taking the laxatives and so came home then to take today's quota. This is so hopefully I'll get all the diarrhoea out of the way before it gets too late tonight so I can get to bed at a reasonable time. What a stupid way to live my life but I can't stop myself.

I guess the only good thing now is that I feel sick and have indigestion from all the laxatives so I don't feel like eating.

Also have a migraine still and am very tired so might try to have a nap for a while [|)]. If last night is anything to go by though I'll soon be running to the loo and therefore not able to sleep. My stomach is making complaining noises already [xx(]. It would be so much simpler if I could find the willpower to go back to restricting without these binge urges.

Karen xx