Eating Disorder - Warning - possibly triggering

[Hannahlou84]

Asking Julia sounds like a good idea.

I am a bit of a pig and got the sweeter fruit selection anyway, but even with PMT it stopped me eating chocolate (which is saying something). It's 114 calories for the pack (I can't find the lid that had the weight on it!) But there are 63 cals per 100g, which I didn't think was bad. Better than a bar (or more) of chocolate, anyway!! Though I didn't use much of the dip, you don't need too.

It was just a thought anyway.

And if you really need chocolate and are frightened you'll binge, Milky Way Magic Stars last ages!! And you won't want more than one back! (which is about 150 cals). How sad am I? Sorry, I'm not trying to encourage you to restrict or avoid things- just thought it might help with the control, but you can still eat and not feel too bad about it..[:I]

"I just wanna live my life sedated, cos I love driving myself away"

[Karen]

Hi Hannah

Fruit is good and like you say you don't have to eat the dip. I could easily get a sweet food fix from sweet fruits.

Just worked out a small amount of chocolate like milky way or small bag of buttons would be much less calories than these Highlights things. I am NOT going to buy them again. I'm so thick sometimes [Duh!]. All that's happened is that I've taken more Xenical to compensate, even though I've not eaten all 6 packets.

Back to strict restricting tomorrow now to compensate :(.


Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[Piglet]

I think you have achieved plenty of stuff today - I'm with Fee about the sheets. There is no better feeling than swishing freshly shaved legs about on clean sheets other than wriggling bare toes in the sunshine.

It is sensible to pare back the goals to just a few and make them doable. My goals this week are to try to walk just a few houses away from my house on my own. Course this is just fine with one of the piglets and my evening walks with them have been just fine. So we felt this would hopefully be achievable.

I can do it day or night and today I decided to do it by day and managed it but felt a tad trembly. The biggest stumbling block I have with this is if any of the neighbours see me, what will they think I am doing just walking a little distance then coming home again repeatedly.

We all (on the course) discussed this matter as it does seem to be in my head - I have lived here for 17 years and don't seem to like admitting to anyone that I have this prob (do you remember Mico and Nigel talking me through this once). Anyway the other people on the course said while they did find it hard to be in a crowd or lots of other people, none of them were particularly bothered what the hell their neighbours thought.

So my second goal is to try not to be bothered [:I]

Sorry - taking over your thread here but I just wanted to show you how full of funny little ways we all are. Have you read Mirrys post on perfomance anxiety yet as I can identify with that totally.

Night night mate.

Love Piglet xx (Oh and by the way I did 75 steps in broad daylight - 38 outward bound and 37 homeward bound due to leaping from the pavement to the doorstep grateful to have made it home

[Quirky]

Hi Karen,

I definitely think you've had a successful and productive day and I can also see changes in how you are thinking and talking about things, well done sis.
We know it won't happen overnight but bit by bit you can get there. Well done for achieving so much today with your jobs too.

I know it's not the same reason but I understand about the fleecy tops. At work we are issued with t-shirts and fleece jumpers with the vets logo on so I have to wear one of the other or both. I had new t-shirts a while ago and they are now tight, so I am wearing my fleece jumpers still and it's so so hot wearing them, yet the t-shirts are tight and I can't ask for more so soon, also the fleece hides more flab then t-shirts which just pull and make me look bigger than I really am. The only difference is I am bigger than I should be and actually have stuff to hide! Think I will wilt if it gets much hotter though. I also wear a couple of sets of clothes mostly as I don't want to go and buy bigger sizes, I really have no summer clothes and think people will comment on me wearing the same things regularly. I have a whole wardrobe of lovely clothes if I could just loose some weight. Anyway sorry to take over but just saying others have similar problems but for different reasons.

Anyway I hope you have a better night, and have a good day at the clinic tomorrow and even manage a walk by the sea - can you go and have a paddle for me? Lol. As soon as I see the sea I have the urge to paddle, did it once in February [:O] Lol.

Night sis, sleep well.

Love Lisa x

[Quirky]

Piglet,

Congratulations on the 75 steps, that's great, well done

Your goals sound good to me, good luck with it all and don't worry about what the neighbours think! I doubt they'll even notice anyway.

I love clean sheets too, especially if I've had a bath before getting into them .

Night mate,

Lisa x

[feege]

Hi Karen

I'm very sleep so just a quick goodnight and sleep tight[|)]

I do hope you manage a walk by the sea tomorrow - walking is so good for you...(or is it just for me lol!).

Piglet - the 75 steps is FAB and I can see lots of ways of using Mirry's cbt model on the neighbours!! Good luck with the next stage hun[8D][8D]

Sleep well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com

Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!

[Karen]

Sorry I can't even write much tonight. Feeling ill and fed up, and I don't see how there will ever be any end to this.

I don't even know how I went from taking 10-15 laxatives a couple of months ago, down to only 2 a day, and now I am taking at least 50. There's no hope and I'll never get off them. It just gets worse every day.

I'm fat, bad, worthless and now I've just lost it completely with all this purging behaviour. I wouldn't do anything deliberately but sometimes I just wish there could be a permanent end :(.

Karen xx

[Quirky]

((((((((((Karen))))))))))

Awww sis, sorry you're feeling so bad. There is always hope and there can be an end to all this purgeing and laxative abuse etc, it will take time and a tremendous amount of effort on your part but it can be done in time, you can do it.

You are not fat, bad or worthless either ok, I know it won't change overnight but try working on those core beliefs so that in time you can see yourself as you really are and how others see you - slim, attractive, caring, kind, warm ie a lovely person who I for one am proud to call my friend and sis .

Thinking of you and hope you feel better tomorrow.

Love Lisa x

[Karen]

Thank you sis.

I just feel trapped and beyond help. I keep increasing the laxatives to feel empty from food I don't believe I should be eating, even when not bingeing. And while I feel so fat I can't stop. It is a place of nightmares and torment.

Other people are leaving me all at the same time.

Just want some personal help from someone who actually cares enough to be here with me and hold my hand through it. I value your friendship too, as well as my others here; it's just that I am still alone and I am not strong enough to do this alone.

Karen xx

[Karen]

Feeling just as fed up this morning. I had a disturbed night and woke at 5.00 again.

I had to check my weight in case they weigh me at the clinic and I have gained 1/2 kilo, although when I changed the scale setting to stones it said the same as 2 weeks ago.

But the kilo reading is the one they go by and it still means not only have I gained, but I've had 2 weeks without LOSS. So now I need to lose more weight in this next week to make up for the past 2 weeks.

I am fed up of being so fat and not losing this weight. I just hate myself so much. If I can't lose weight then there is no tomorrow :(.

Karen xx