A break

[LouiseAndy]

So yesterday was surprisingly a good day, one had one moment of total panic and racing heart- but I manged to pull myself together and go to my friends house even tho I felt awful. I manged to get some sleep last night and woke up in a "semi" calm state.

Today was mainly good, I did have two bad epsoide of racing heart when I went in to do some shopping in a shopping center- but I manged to get it done. Even if I did have some bad moments- plus the reason I've been shopping was on Monday I'm meant to be going on a holiday I've spent a few years saying up for. I'm making myself go and trying to remind myself in the bad moments-no matter how bad they are. That they would have seen something on the ecg in the hospital and if it was that serious I probably wouldn't be written to ye all on here.


Also someone pointed out to me, that my Doctor probably only made the cardiologist appointment because I've been going on and on about the issues for so long. Even though everything she's checked, she said that everything is fine. Even if things are getting worse with it, I'm still here. Somehow- even in those moments in terrifying. My body gets all numb and tense. Things got dizzy. I'd say half the reason I feel so shit is because I'm exhausted from my muscles tensioning up so much the last week and the bearly good night's sleep I've been getting.

I'm hoping I can really just pull myself together and enjoy my hoilday. I really, really wanna be on that plane on Monday.

[LouiseAndy]

Shut off the computer or phone, pick up a book or put on the TV and distract yourself. You're dragon is begging for a reassurance fix.... Tell him to piss off!

Positive thoughts

I actually took your advice and went to see my friend. Things were kinda shitty but I manged to enjoy myself abit! Trying to be more positive!

[Carys]

Louise, what you wrote in that first longer post at 7.09 shows that you are putting some seriously good work into emotionally dealing with things. Good on you, some quality rationalising going on !

[pulisa]

I'll second that. Believe in the ECG results, believe that your doctor has only made the referral to reassure you (because nothing else so far has) and believe that you will be on that plane on Monday because you certainly will if you keep yourself focused on these positives and not on the HA voices in your head which want to sabotage your wellbeing x

[Noivous]

If anyone wants to kind of get away from all ;&&++#$:+$@:grrrr...for a bit and just listen to a good story there's a great site called Librivox. It's free! All the classics...Dickens, Sherlock Holmes, Shakespeare...detective, mystery, religious, nonfiction, fiction, history... anything in the public domain. All on audio ready to be listed to. I love it.

N.

[Noivous]

Here's the link:

https://librivox.org

[LouiseAndy]

Here's the link:

https://librivox.org

Thank you Noivous! I'll defo look into it !

[LouiseAndy]

I'll second that. Believe in the ECG results, believe that your doctor has only made the referral to reassure you (because nothing else so far has) and believe that you will be on that plane on Monday because you certainly will if you keep yourself focused on these positives and not on the HA voices in your head which want to sabotage your wellbeing x

Thank you for taking the time to reply Pulisa xx It really means alot. It's like....yeah the panic when it happens is awful but also. There's been tests and this trip has been years in the making- so I don't want to drop out at the last moment. As I know I will just be more upset the next day! I think I'm slowly coming around to believing the result from the ecg? It's like I try to remind myself that I do get intense panic attacks, that do cause my body to go stiff and my heart racing- Yet! I'm still here! It's been along time with them but I'm still here! I'm going to really try to put my mind on the focused on the positive and just roll with any of the bad stuff xx

[LouiseAndy]

Louise, what you wrote in that first longer post at 7.09 shows that you are putting some seriously good work into emotionally dealing with things. Good on you, some quality rationalising going on !

Hi Carys!! Thank you so much for taking the time to reply xx It means alot. It's not easy but I'm really trying to think about the positive and believe in the results, as I really don't want the fear to cause me to miss out on this really once in a life time trip. As I said, I would just be more upset to miss out. I have to stop doubting the results and looking for reasons to panic. One my friends is med (and I never ask him questions as I don't want him to think I use him for med knowledge.) Yet I did ask him what a ecg would show- and he said it may not show exactly what's wrong but it would show something wrong. So I'm trying to take comfort from that!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Loiuse,

I think the fact you are pushing yourself to continue a normal routine at such an intense time shows you are better than perhaps you think in terms of anxiety severity or that the worst of it was shorter lived than it could have been if you let it go on. You could avoid the world in a cocoon at home but you are pushing yourself out there and pushing through the effects of these exposures to your anxiety symptoms. Whilst it hit you hard you are rebounding quickly and that's a very good sign you will be back on track soon.