I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes

[Chlobo]

All of this is irrational, Chloe..

People do get sick but there's a LOT that doctors (and medicine) can do (not to mention our own mentality in terms of lowering our stress levels, therefore decreasing pain and enabling healing)

Also, getting sick doesn't mean that we will die from whatever it is that we have. The reality is the opposite. Generally we get sick and don't die. All three of my sons had life threatening illnesses/conditions as kids; none died. My brother wasn't supposed to live past ten years of age; he's in his 60s now. The NHS saved my life and my mum's. They did their best to help my dad but HE had left it too late to get help because he avoided going to the doctors. They were able to help with his pain though and he passed peacefully. It's irrational to say that 'there's nothing anyone can do'. Even with terminally ill people, doctors can do a lot to alleviate pain. My FIL and friend were terminally ill too and their pain was well managed. Both passed peacefully, and there's a lot to be said for a peaceful death. All your fears come from your imagination, rather than information and by that I mean not the kind that comes from Googling symptoms..

Death isn't the unknown; it's going to happen and to all of us. The unknown is when and how. The alternative is that nobody ever died and the planet would soon become overcrowded with every resource exhausted and we would die out as a species. We were only ever meant to be here for a short time (short in terms of the age of the planet) and we've already beaten the odds by being faster than all the other sperms. You fought to be here. We all did. And we did it without fear..



Again, not everybody dies from cancer.. (and survival rates are improving all the time)

The life that you fought to have is being wasted by your irrational fears. Nobody is to blame for this but you. It's too easy to keep on saying, 'I can't, it's too hard'. You've yet to put the work in...

You won't even try your medication. I have multiple chemical sensitivity but I at least try. So I have to ask... what scares you more? Feeling worse, or feeling better?

I agree, gutting isn’t it? When you
Sit and think about the years that have gone past where you were convinced you had some awful disease. Spent your days crying, running to the doctors and all for nothing.
It’s a kick in the stomach really.

It’s one question that I was asked in CBT once. Do you think if you get sick it’ll be incurable? Would you survive it. I always answer negatively on these questions. I took my 8yr old for a hospital appointment on Tuesday, it took all my strength to deal with sitting there in the hospital. Not because I was worried about my daughter she had a routine appointment for some hormone tests. But because I was in a hospital my anxiety shot up, I sat chatting and laughing with my daughter while inside I was screaming get me out of this hellish place. I just want to be able to do these things without fear.

[BlueIris]

You're the one with the key to this, Chloe. It's not just going to happen on its own. A lot of people have the same response as you to being in a hospital - I go to ridiculous lengths to avoid it myself, and it's one of a number of reasons I chose not to have kids.

Fear isn't a tragedy, though, it's just bloody uncomfortable. I had a massive panic attack last night, nausea, cold sweats, heart beating out of my chest. I couldn't run from the situation (shamefully, I did try, but I had a colleague who wanted to share a taxi) so I just had to sit with it and accept it. It didn't completely go away until I got home, but in the grand scale of things it was just a mildly unpleasant event.

Take your meds, learn acceptance (the meds will really help on this) and stop dramatising your personal narrative. Our brain is very plastic and by letting the fear take up house room you're establishing it as a default state. Find a more enjoyable inner housemate instead.

[NoraB]

I agree, gutting isn’t it? When you
Sit and think about the years that have gone past where you were convinced you had some awful disease. Spent your days crying, running to the doctors and all for nothing.
It’s a kick in the stomach really.

Or you can use this to change your narrative to one where you know what imagination can do and use this as a way of challenging your thoughts, as in, 'I've been here before' instead of flying straight to 'I'm dying this time for sure!'..

It’s one question that I was asked in CBT once. Do you think if you get sick it’ll be incurable? Would you survive it. I always answer negatively on these questions.

At first, I answered these questions negatively too but I engaged with therapy; put the work in, and now I have different answers..

You answer negatively because it's become your automatic response. You don't question your thoughts...

If I get sick, it doesn't mean that I will die from it. Death is the least likely outcome. I've been sick numerous times throughout my life but my body looks after me and when it needs a little help doctors look after me. (But I will die one day)

Cancer doesn't mean death. (My mum, aunty & BIL had cancer and survived it so why shouldn't I - especially when survival rates are improving all the time?)

Death is literally all around us. It's in the seasons; it's in hospitals, homes, and hospices; it's in songs, movies and literature. It can be (and often is) beautiful. It can be down to interpretation. One person's idea of death is a Cert 18 slasher movie. For others, it's Ghost, Field of Dreams, or Soul. What a wonderful film Soul is? Have you seen it? It's nudged UP to become my favourite Pixar movie..

That said, you haven't actually answered my question..

I asked you what scares you most, as in, feeling worse or feeling better? This is one of those uncomfortable questions where we need to dig deep because there is gain to be had with pain and suffering where people realise that being ill (mentally or physically) brings them a comfort or attention that they may not have previously had. This doesn't make them bad; it makes them human. It doesn't mean that they chose to become mentally or physically unwell (that's not how this works) but it does mean they won't be able to help themselves effectively if they feel they have something to lose by doing so..

I took my 8yr old for a hospital appointment on Tuesday, it took all my strength to deal with sitting there in the hospital. Not because I was worried about my daughter she had a routine appointment for some hormone tests. But because I was in a hospital my anxiety shot up, I sat chatting and laughing with my daughter while inside I was screaming get me out of this hellish place. I just want to be able to do these things without fear.

I have anxiety in any medical setting. I have White Coat Syndrome where my blood pressure flies up so I promise myself a treat after every appointment, even if it's just a brew in Costa. This way, my brain is learning to associate hospitals, dentists, and doctors surgeries with something pleasant. I'm realistic here. I don't tell myself that I want to anxiety free in these situations because that's an impossible ask; I'd have to have a brain transplant for that to happen. Or be dead (ha ha) so I acknowledge that I am going to be anxious but that time will pass and I will soon be dunking a biscuit (or two) into my brew in Costa. Give yourself impossible expectations and you will always fall short...

[pulisa]

You're the one with the key to this, Chloe. It's not just going to happen on its own. A lot of people have the same response as you to being in a hospital - I go to ridiculous lengths to avoid it myself, and it's one of a number of reasons I chose not to have kids.

Fear isn't a tragedy, though, it's just bloody uncomfortable. I had a massive panic attack last night, nausea, cold sweats, heart beating out of my chest. I couldn't run from the situation (shamefully, I did try, but I had a colleague who wanted to share a taxi) so I just had to sit with it and accept it. It didn't completely go away until I got home, but in the grand scale of things it was just a mildly unpleasant event.

Take your meds, learn acceptance (the meds will really help on this) and stop dramatising your personal narrative. Our brain is very plastic and by letting the fear take up house room you're establishing it as a default state. Find a more enjoyable inner housemate instead.

This is an excellent post, Blue. I just wonder what you think you will gain from continuing to resist treatment for HA, Chloe, when you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to engage with professional MH services? Or maybe this is not really the case?

[BlueIris]

I have anxiety in any medical setting. I have White Coat Syndrome where my blood pressure flies up so I promise myself a treat after every appointment, even if it's just a brew in Costa. This way, my brain is learning to associate hospitals, dentists, and doctors surgeries with something pleasant. I'm realistic here. I don't tell myself that I want to anxiety free in these situations because that's an impossible ask; I'd have to have a brain transplant for that to happen. Or be dead (ha ha) so I acknowledge that I am going to be anxious but that time will pass and I will soon be dunking a biscuit (or two) into my brew in Costa. Give yourself impossible expectations and you will always fall short...

Nora, this part is great. If I can get to the point where I can acknowledge that there'll actually be a point where I can do something enjoyable after an appointment (which is the bloody hard part, even a meds check appointment is always The End Of My Life) I know that battle's almost won. Not sure I'll ever win the war, but that's not the point.

[pulisa]

Maybe it shouldn't be seen as a "battle" either? More mind games and a subtle way around them? Something which doesn't involve "fighting" all the time because that is so exhausting. It's ok not to be a fighter all the time.

[BlueIris]

Good point. I always discourage others from using that language so I should start following my own example.

[pulisa]

I just think that the fighter mentality puts so much pressure on the person in distress. It's unhelpful and unrealistic and you just beat yourself up if you don't "succeed". What is success anyway if standards are unrealistic?

[NoraB]

I just think that the fighter mentality puts so much pressure on the person in distress. It's unhelpful and unrealistic and you just beat yourself up if you don't "succeed". What is success anyway if standards are unrealistic?

There's an interesting study which identified two 'codes' with MH; those who fight to get better and those who give up, and by this they mean handing responsibility over to MH professionals and family members rather than them being motivated to get better. They're not talking about instances where people are sectioned and have no choice, they're talking about individuals who make the conscious choice to stay as they are because it benefits them to do so and/or because they have resigned themselves to having MH problems for the rest of their lives, therefore they see no point in putting the effort in to help themselves..

Also of interest was how many of the 'fighters' interviewed initiated their own recovery by making a conscious decision to get better..

In my case, I am a fighter. But I also know that I will have MH all my life (because autism and MH issues go hand in hand) This is a battle. It always has been; it probably always will be. Because my brain isn't compatible with this world so I have to fight to stay here. Not only this, but now I have a chronic health condition to cope with (which is shite)

To describe my existence as anything other than a fight or battle would feel like a lie..

I get what you're saying P, but the fighter mentality helps me. It spurs me on. There's always a battle going on within in me, or around me, and I can hide behind the proverbial bunker for the duration or I can give it some welly with the proverbial war paint and the ARRRRRGGGGHHHHSSSS!!! (in my imagination there are loads of f words in my battle cry)

I also have people to fight for; they call me mum (and grandma). And my husband (when he isn't annoying me)..
Before I had children, (and long before I was diagnosed autistic) I had hope of being able to overcome my issues. My motivation was to be like everybody else so I worked hard to try and achieve this. I never managed it, obvs - despite my very best efforts and acting skills. (That was me for the best part of 17 years..)

Then I became a mum..

When I was technically still a kid myself, I heaved out an incredibly angry looking 8lb baby boy and loved him so much that I felt my heart would burst and he became my reason for staying and fighting on. I felt like I could take on the world and its army when that little dude eyeballed me and gripped my finger..

Slight 'blip' in-between boys two and three but that was because I was clinically depressed (and when I give up I really give up) but I managed to turn myself around and on with the battle..

So, in terms of that study, I appear to stray into both areas. I know I will always have MH issues, and I will always have to fight, but it's ok; it's all I've ever known. My book shelves literally heave under the weight of self-help books and I try everything and anything. Always have; probably always will. And some things work but most things don't. But I would roll around in fox shit, naked (singing Bonkers) if I thought it would make one teensy bit of difference to my existence..

So, yeah, the battle/fight thing works for me. I am my own Sergeant Major and when I've spent a couple of days in bed feeling sorry for myself - on the meds and sobbing pathetically into a family size bag of Maltesers - I hear Windsor Davis' voice shouting, 'MOVE YOURSELF, MOVE YOURSELF!!
I see us all on here as fighting our own battles, and I, for one, look totes fab in combat trousers and paratrooper boots!

[WorryRaptor]

Seconding Nora on this. Seeing it as a fight is a huge motivator for me. I think it really depends on the persons own experience and personality. For me personally, a lot of my mental health struggles came from not having control over things happened to me as a child. I never got to make decisions in those things, my choices were taken away from me. My voice was ignored, and I never had solid ground to stand on. Taking that control back is huge for me as an adult. I NEED that fire in my belly to overcome what I'm up against. When I get mad, I push through, and I succeed. I feel strong, and I feel safe when I'm fighting, even if there's a chance I'll lose. I'm definitely all about the battle cry!

I understand that other people need approach it differently, depending on their needs, and there is no one size fits all.