Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Lissa101]

Hi Carnation,

Thanks so much for writing this post. I read it with tears in my eyes as I'm going through a very similar situation in terms of caring for a terminally ill parent and losing everything because of it - job, money, home, friends ect. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that but its really made me more hopeful reading about you recovering.

xxx

[Carnation]

Hi Lissa, it's the hardest job in the world, isn't it?
I know it's not easy, but try not to think of what will happen to you in the future. Somehow, it will work itself.
As you know, I lost everything and it's not surprising that anxiety comes in to play. Life has a strange way of recovering from what you think is doom!
In the meantime, try to get some help with your mum, no matter how small. There is an organisation called 'helping hands' and the hospital will have contacts outside to give you a break.
It is important for you to have some 'me' time and a bit of normality. You will be feeling just as much as your mum. The Samaritans are very good to talk to if you feel lonely and sad. Try to keep as much outside communication as you can as this can lead to help for you. And of course, there is this Forum. x

[Carnation]

Since out and about on my travels and meeting people from various walks of life, I find there is still a somewhat ignorance when I reveal I am an anxiety sufferer.
Sometimes I get a total silence and a glaring stare or an awkward situation of them changing the subject as if what I said has fallen on deaf ears.
It takes a lot of courage to open up and sometimes you have to say it to get out of a social engagement or trip that you would find difficult.
Unless you have experienced it, people just don't understand.
I have also found many people including people that I already know, suffer in silence or have anxiety not actually aware they are suffering from anxiety symptoms. They might mention something to me like, "I had a crawly feeling up and down my legs last night" or "I don't know what comes over me, but sometimes I talk a load of nonsense and say things I don't mean".
And there are a lot of people that have one or a few of these symptoms.
Is the world turning in to anxiety outbreak?
Could it be the stressful way of life we live?
One is for sure, we are definitely not alone in the way we feel. It seems there are just different degrees of anxiety from mild to severe.

[Carnation]

Family troubles today. Always guaranteed to push the anxiety up. That old saying, 'You can choose your friends, but not your family'.
I was out today and stopped for a cuppa in a cafe and was discussing the 'family' issues with my o/h and a lady was listening on the next table.
We got chatting and to cut a long story short told her that we had been carers for our parents for the last decade and both of our families ran a mile so they wouldn't have to get involved.
She replied, 'been there, done that'.
I don't know why, but told her I had a breakdown because of it. (I seem to be in the habit of telling total strangers lately. )
Anyway, she replied, 'Well you look great now.'
What a lovely comment to make.
I think that is the reply we all need as oppose to the deadly silence or awkward subject change.
Then to my amazement, when she got up to go, she seemed to struggle getting up from her chair, so I asked if she was OK and did she need some help.
She replied, 'No I am fine dear, I broke my hip, but I am getting better'. What a lady.
So next time someone tells you they have or had anxiety, just tell them they look great. It goes a long way and it is the perfect answer!

[Carnation]

For people that wake up with palpitations, which is something that happens to me from time to time, I have realised it is linked to my dreaming.
I am lucky in the sense that I can remember most of my dreams, although some are not pleasant and I feel every emotion and have been known to cry in my sleep. I am able to make links with my dreams to worries in my reality life.
It is mostly the subconscious mind that gives us the most problems in the way of anxiety and symptoms and this would include dreaming.
So next time you wake up in the middle of the night or in the morning, it is more than likely your dreaming that has put you in this state and not because you might think you have a heart problem or something along those lines.
My sleeping in general has improved with an extra pillow.
I've never liked lying flat and regularly dropped off in a chair when watching TV.
Have you ever had that when you are dog tired sitting in a chair watching TV, then got up to go to bed and been wide awake. so annoying!
And the times you lie there wide awake for what seems half the night with something quite menial going over in your mind. It might be a person who was a bit rude to you or a something you forgot to do or did you close the window on your car or lock the door?
You have to empty these thoughts otherwise they will keep you awake. Do check these things are done, even get up to do them or make notes to do the things you forgot to do and write down the thing that upset you then screw it up and chuck it in the bin.
Whatever is bothering, just tell yourself that it isn't as important as your sleep.
I use the random word tactic a lot!
Saying over in my mind, sheep, bucket, rainbow, boot, candle and so on....
That and a hand or self foot massage helps me.

[Carnation]

I have been on a mission to get out as much as I can lately. It has definitely been building up my confidence.
I'm out almost every day between 4-7 hours. I am far more at ease with people and today I helped a man look for his lost wallet in a shop, which I would never have done a few months ago. Mainly because it took all my strength to even be in a place. In fact, I have become a bit of a strutter.
Yes, I am still getting anxiety symptoms. The twitchy left eye, the gurgling stomach and twitchy muscles. But I expect that. I know anxiety wants to frighten me, but I understand it because it is working off my memory.
If I can keep at it, I am sure I can replace the bad memory triggers in to good ones. It's going to take time, but as they say, 'time heals'.

[Carnation]

I'm having problems posting on my thread at the moment. Several of my post have disappeared, do hope this one gets through and will attempt an update again soon. x

[Magic]

Sending youCarnation. you are doing well. one day at a time.
PS. That's me . xxx

[Carnation]

Thank you Magic x

---------- Post added at 10:21 ---------- Previous post was at 10:01 ----------

My left eye is twitching so much now I am considering wearing a eye patch. It's so embarrassing when I am out, but no-one seems to comment on it, just me.
For my sins, I have offered my services to the local care home to tend to their garden. I left a note a couple of days ago, but haven't had a response yet. Why do people keep you waiting with answers all the time? It's so annoying and makes you feel miserable. It's not like it's a paid job, I'm offering my free services and time. Gardening, that is.
My acid reflux has come back again and I know it is because I have been eating chocolate again. I left it alone through the summer months, because it was basically like eating a handful of mush. What on earth do they put in these chocolate bars to make you so bad, because to me, it tastes so good.
I've been doing quite a lot with myself lately, so need to catch up with my stories, but if I can just get this piece to not disappear in to the unknown and stay on the screen, then I will be happy.

[Carnation]

Still twitching. I know I shouldn't let it bother me as I've had bouts of this before that has gone on for months, but my brain wants to know why?
So, I'm considering doing a public survey based on whether it is lack of sleep related, stress related or a trigger?
I had been feeling incredibly tired lately, but my sleep has improved. I've gone from waking up at 3am, then 4am, then to 5am and this morning, 7.30am.
What have I been doing different.
Well, I've added another pillow, so I now have three.
I've been getting to bed an hour earlier.
I do that wrist massage that I mentioned a while back.
And I get ready for bed an hour before I go to bed. (Things like brushing teeth, face wash, clothes changed in to bed wear. ) It had crossed my mind that I was waking myself up by doing all these things just before bedtime and resulting in not being sleepy enough to fall into a deep sleep. I think it really has made a difference. I don't know why I haven't thought of it before.
I seem to be suffering a bit this week with one thing and another. Since the weekend I had horrendous head pain, top right hand side, not a headache, it was like a sharp knife cutting into me. Again, I've had this before, so I wasn't rushing to A & E, but it is the sort of pain that you shout out "ouch" or "what the hell was that?" Thankfully, it has completely gone today. (Another unexplained symptom).
Toe cramp! Another thing to annoy me, but this one I understand. Because I have difficulty standing still, you know the 'fight or flight' thing, I am aware that I grip the ground by curling my toes over, which is totally unnecessary, but it is a habit I have formed.
And I STILL have my gum and teeth issues.
But, I've been out and about every day, walking tall, talking to people and just getting on with stuff.
I've had two offers of voluntary work and a 'yes' for that garden job at the Care Home. So, I must be doing something right.
The only way is up!!!!