Can anyone relate to this heartbeat awareness? What to do?

[brandontf]

22 year old male. I have been on 50mg of zoloft for a little over 1 month now and I take .75-1mg of xanax every night to sleep.

in December of 2007 I was using cocaine recreationally, a couple times a month. One morning, after having used the night before, I became aware of my heartbeat beating faster than normal.

I freaked and have not been the same since.

I went to a cardiologist and had a ton of tests done, I have been to the ER once, had the paramedics called to my house twice, and all tests have come back normal.

My main complaint is... I am constantly aware of my heart beating. It doesn't beat too fast, but I hate feeling it. It causes me distress and I can't get comfortable with the constant heartbeat feeling. I feel it more in my abdomen area than anywhere else. Sleeping is the hardest thing to do. How can I get to sleep when it feels like someone is poking me in the side every second?

So the psychiatrist put me on zoloft and it has virtually eliminated the panic attacks but I still can't relax or sleep unless I have the xanax.

What to do now...? I workout all the time and I am in good shape.

[LeeBee]

Sounds like you are in physically tip-top condition, brandon, and you are doing all you can pharmaceutically. So I guess you need to address the thoughts that are making you focus on your perfectly normal, healthy, fit heartbeat.

It might sound like I'm being overly simplistic, but you probably need to find a way to just not think about it. You might need help with this through psychotherapy or CBT, or you might find it helpful to read up on methods for dealing with intrusive thoughts. I find that having my mind occupied with absorbing activities helps.

[brokensoul]

This is how all my troubles started, but it was with too much alcohol and nicotine the night before over a year ago. So I know how your feeling, I feel the same.
The fact that your heartbeat is a normal and steady one is a good sign, the problem is that you are now focusing on it too much because of a previous bad experience due to association.
Best thing to do is avoid stimulates, caffeine, alcohol, nicotine as these will increase the rate of beating. Gradually you will get used to the sound of your own heartbeat and it will seem less like a big deal in time.

[brandontf]

I don't have insurance and I have a follow up visit with my psychiatrist on monday. But I really don't feel like paying 100 bucks for me to go in and have him say "ok take more zoloft". On my initial visit I had to pay 180 dollars and I talked with the psychiatrist for like 5-10 minutes and I was out the door with the zoloft prescription

You know what I mean?

God...this is so brutal. I am so lost.

[LeeBee]

I know what you mean, Brandon. In my own experience, and from what I've read from others on the site, doctors (or psychiatrists) have a tendency to medicate rather than anything else, for the simple reasons that it is relatively cheap, quick and lets them feel that they have accomplished something. I have a certain amount of sympathy, particularly in public rather than private medicine - so many anxiety disorders or depression are complicated and difficult to treat. But I do think that at the very least doctors should suggest other avenues or therapies rather than just "here, take this pill, see you later".

Have you tried reading up on anxiety? A lot of people recommend Claire Weekes' works on anxiety. But there is loads out there. Logically, you know that your heart is OK, and that you should just be able to relax and not obsess about being able to hear it. But you can't find a way to stop the thoughts (I know what this is like). It might help to read some books on anxiety and health anxiety... good luck.

[LittleMissM]

I've more or less been through the same experience so I totally relate to what you are talking about...
I think this constant worry may be all about guilt, simple as that. You worry about what you have done to yourself. I do. But we are making up for it aren't we?
@ some point we have to force ourselves to let go of guilt...xxx