Being selfish with health anxiety and trying to fix that

[Fishmanpa]

Just wanted to update briefly! Today we went for the bridesmaids dress for my sister wedding (we did the seating order the other night...never realized how many people you have to plan to keep apart to stop any fighting or bad blood lol). I manged to loss the half a stone I wanted to loss when I got fitted for the dress a few months back. Which made me super happy. I was so worried about not fitting into and being embarrassed in front of my Mam and sister! In fact I actually have to get the dress fitted to me! As someone who's always had issues with their weight, this is a big positive for me. I did it all healthy with eating and going to the gym.

I've been doing my best to be better, I've had a few little "bumps". The typical stuff, heart stuff, strange discharged and some pain between periods (which since it's around the same time every month is probably just the female body clearing it's self between cycles or something!). I'm trying to remind myself that with all the tests I've had, I'm fine. It's fine.

I still have some chest pains issues and burping a lot time to time. I try telling myself if it was anything big I wouldn't be typing this right now! So no googling or rattling off my worries to people..in maybe the last two weeks!

I have to say, knowing your history here and having replied and challenged you , this is a wonderful post! The clear difference in your writing and thought processes are clearly evident. It's almost like a different person wrote this. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it!

Positive thoughts

[LouiseAndy]

I have to say, knowing your history here and having replied and challenged you , this is a wonderful post! The clear difference in your writing and thought processes are clearly evident. It's almost like a different person wrote this. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it!

Positive thoughts

I mean, in my everyday life such in college, at work or dealing with a lot of stuff. I personal prefer people being straight forward with me and to the point rather then "wrapping me in bubble wrap." I find I just response to it best! So being challenged me was probably the best thing! (A big thank you to everyone who ever replied! Every and any tone you used was good, thank you for giving the time to even do that. It means alot.)

I suppose I've been stuck in this health anxiety loop for over a year! So time and tests....anything horrible would have shown up. So using this thought and therapy I've manged to start moving forward somewhat! Like I still have moments but it's less and less. I'm learning! It's taken some time but I'm learning! Like it's next to put the health anxiety to bed somewhat and deal with other on going issues!

I'm trying to be a newer and better me! Not just the people around me, but for myself as well! I'm hoping to keep going on and up!

[pulisa]

Oh you will do, Louise! I'm so pleased to hear that people challenging your HA on here helped you and it sounds as if you are having a much happier and better quality of life now that the HA shackles are well and truly loosening..

You'll probably have your blips along the way but you know the traps now and won't allow yourself to get sucked back into the HA loop again..And if you do we'll soon put you on the right road on here!!

So pleased for you and keep up the excellent work! I bet you look stunning in your bridesmaid dress too! xx

[LouiseAndy]

Oh you will do, Louise! I'm so pleased to hear that people challenging your HA on here helped you and it sounds as if you are having a much happier and better quality of life now that the HA shackles are well and truly loosening..

You'll probably have your blips along the way but you know the traps now and won't allow yourself to get sucked back into the HA loop again..And if you do we'll soon put you on the right road on here!!

So pleased for you and keep up the excellent work! I bet you look stunning in your bridesmaid dress too! xx

Thanks Pulisa! I'm doing my best to keep to keep on the on and up! Being realistic as possible! That if I do have a bad day, not to let it pull down the rest of the progress!

Thank you! It was a real nice feeling being able to put the dress on and knowing I have reached that goal!

[LouiseAndy]

I had a bit of a rough day today. I'm back at uni and like we had to do a report over the summer and I put everything into it. Like I was so proud of it. Yet it didn't do well, hearing something bad about something you poured your heart into is a downer.

This lead to me having some troubling thoughts over thinking body feelings like "Oh this strange temple must be--" So on. Then I physical sat myself in a quite area and repeated to myself that I was fine. Physical fine. I had to stop falling into this worry about my heath because I'm down or upset.

After giving myself a little talk, I came around! Sure doing not as I expected of myself was hard and feeling that way about the health anxiety was hard but for the most part I think I manged to pull myself out of it mostly? I wanted to wait until iwas more calm to update this as I want to be as honest as possible with my progress. Not just posting like. Oh I thought I have a brain tumor, heart issues, etc, etc. I did my best to reassure myself. I mean I did allow myself a little of a pity party and skipped the gym today! But back into it tomorrow

[pulisa]

Well done, LouiseAndy! No one says there is an easy or quick fix to HA ruminations and getting a temporary setback will trigger all sorts of niggling thoughts which attempt to sabotage your recovery.
You have done really well to rationalise your thoughts and rise above them. We all have good and not so good days. You have made so much progress since those days of not so long ago when things were frantic as regards your HA. Look after yourself and go to the gym when you can but it doesn't matter if you don't go every day. What matters is that you are getting better and staying better xx

[LouiseAndy]

Well done, LouiseAndy! No one says there is an easy or quick fix to HA ruminations and getting a temporary setback will trigger all sorts of niggling thoughts which attempt to sabotage your recovery.
You have done really well to rationalise your thoughts and rise above them. We all have good and not so good days. You have made so much progress since those days of not so long ago when things were frantic as regards your HA. Look after yourself and go to the gym when you can but it doesn't matter if you don't go every day. What matters is that you are getting better and staying better xx

Thank you so much for replying! I guess I use the gym as something to keep a routine a little bit! It also helps me sleep I think when I had a gap between college and work. It was like a activey I had to do rather then sit around! I went back today but I'm easting back into it again!!

Like I'm doing my best not to worry always. Like a few times I've woken with my heart beating super fast. I've tried to just calm myself. Like it's been happening awhile and I'm still standing! While it's unpleasant at the time. I'm still here and trying to remind myself of those tests without the ifs and bits.

I know I've had good times before and it's so easy to fall back into those states of thoughts. Trying postive thinking and if there's a bad thought not letting it over take everything!

---------- Post added at 20:07 ---------- Previous post was at 20:03 ----------

And I've counted its been like since March since I saw my general gp! Like I had appoiments with consults and got signed off but I'm proud of making it that long!

[LouiseAndy]

I woke up about 20 minutes ago, I felt the starting of a intense pain (headache like but in lots of areas on the one side). I had a post about it before (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showth...=218824&page=2), I'm worried I'm going to fall again if I get another episode like. It was some of the worst pain I was ever in. I'm trying to be positive and try to sleep abit more now.

Just always want to be honest here, as I do feel myself edging towards a scary place again if this happens. I'm meant to be going away in a few days time. The onset of this again makes me scared and thinking of not going or what if I go and something happening.

I'm trying to be calm and hope to feel better in the morning. I feel bad for having a slip like this but that was a very weak moment in my life right now. I don't want to disappointed anyone (In real life or on here) with my growth and falling again :(

[axolotl]

Anxiety makes you live in your own head and become very self-absorbed. I cringe thinking about how I was/am at my worst, but I couldn't help it. It can feel like it's a weird paradox of having bad feelings about yourself and being a bit obsessed with yourself at the same time.

But it is an illness, and while we should take measures to minimise its impact on others when we can, we also shouldn't beat ourselves up for it, any more than people should beat themselves over a physical illness inconveniencing others around them. Recovery is gradual and wobbly, focus on the forward tragectory and don't take the wobbles to heart.

[pulisa]

Nobody's going to be "disappointed" in you, Louise. It's the nature of the HA beast. You said you were going away shortly and the mind can make sure your symptoms make an appearance in some guise or other when you know you will be away from familiar territory and perceive yourself to be "unsafe"..

I hope you managed to get some sleep and that things don't seem quite so scary now in the cold light of day? As axolotl says, focus on your significant progress and mentally dismiss the wobbles as just part of the recovery process?