Being selfish with health anxiety and trying to fix that

[lucymarie]

I would just like to clarify that I don’t personally think HA is by default selfish. I think our behaviour can ofcourse at times come across that way because by the nature of the illness we are preoccupied with our worries and as they are to do with our health this is obviously self-focused. However I don’t really like the word selfish as it has unpleasent connotations for me. I think if your HA becomes a platform to hurt or disrespect others with anxiety as a excuse then fair enough. But I don’t think selfishness and HA are mutually exclusive. You can have your own demons but still show concern for others as far as I am concerned.

[LouiseAndy]

@Hullsimplibus Thank you for taking the time to reply! I do go to therapy and I'm trying to work through a number of issues! It can be difficult as trying to work on one issue means working on several at a time! I hope you're doing okay yourself!

@IM48, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like I was trying to speak on Health anxiety and how it effects everyone with their own relationships. I was mainly speaking of my own personal insight into it. Like I do have very supportive family and friendships but I was become near toxic myself with the way I would turn every type of convo into something about that. Then maybe some other issues they wanted to talk about. Like I have other issues that are probably more pressing then this. That's the subject they would want to discus but I kept pushing my own agenda. So I don't think either health anxiety is at a default selfish, it's just how I was handling things and my relationships with people it was turning that way.

Once again, I am sorry if it sounded like I was trying to talk for everyone. I was talking about my own behavior. I didn't mean to upset anyone! Or have someone think I was speaking in general. I was just feed up of my own actions and trying to make things more positive for myself and the other around me.

[pulisa]

I would just like to clarify that I don’t personally think HA is by default selfish. I think our behaviour can ofcourse at times come across that way because by the nature of the illness we are preoccupied with our worries and as they are to do with our health this is obviously self-focused. However I don’t really like the word selfish as it has unpleasent connotations for me. I think if your HA becomes a platform to hurt or disrespect others with anxiety as a excuse then fair enough. But I don’t think selfishness and HA are mutually exclusive. You can have your own demons but still show concern for others as far as I am concerned.

Oh I agree and you certainly do, lm48. I do think it's appropriate and helpful to have the benefit of Louise's appraisal of how her own HA affects her and the way she interacts with others around her because it can be a common theme with some people. Some but definitely not all . I think Louise's post is a very positive one because she sees what is happening and wants to take control of her HA in order to make things better for her and for her friends and family..and she will!

[lucymarie]

@IM48, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like I was trying to speak on Health anxiety and how it effects everyone with their own relationships. I was mainly speaking of my own personal insight into it. Like I do have very supportive family and friendships but I was become near toxic myself with the way I would turn every type of convo into something about that. Then maybe some other issues they wanted to talk about. Like I have other issues that are probably more pressing then this. That's the subject they would want to discus but I kept pushing my own agenda. So I don't think either health anxiety is at a default selfish, it's just how I was handling things and my relationships with people it was turning that way.

Once again, I am sorry if it sounded like I was trying to talk for everyone. I was talking about my own behavior. I didn't mean to upset anyone! Or have someone think I was speaking in general. I was just feed up of my own actions and trying to make things more positive for myself and the other around me.

Oh absolutely no apology necessary Louise! I'm sorry if that is how my post came across. I didn't take any offence at all to your post, I think it's wonderfully positive and really great for you that you are starting to learn some things about your anxiety and how it may affect others. I'm sure I could benefit from a touch of it too I was just speaking from my personal viewpoint as like you say, I didn't want others to think I thought they were selfish for having HA.

---------- Post added at 12:41 ---------- Previous post was at 12:40 ----------

Oh I agree and you certainly do, lm48. I do think it's appropriate and helpful to have the benefit of Louise's appraisal of how her own HA affects her and the way she interacts with others around her because it can be a common theme with some people. Some but definitely not all . I think Louise's post is a very positive one because she sees what is happening and wants to take control of her HA in order to make things better for her and for her friends and family..and she will!

Yes I definitely agree. I didn't mean to come across that I was knocking Louise's post at all, I think it's very positive as I had mentioned previously. I just didn't want anyone new to the thread to think I was calling them selfish for having HA that's all

[LouiseAndy]

Sorry! I never wanted to upset anyone and have them think I was personally calling them selfish. I'd personally say that to everyone if I had to. You're struggle is your own and to your own life! I just think in myself I was acting selfishly with how I handle my own health anxiety/other issues. So! Trying not to like shade anyone! Or upset them by saying this whole thing is selfish. It's hard and I know that!

@IM48 I'm sorry- it's you know sometimes when things are written instead of spoken you're worried about how they may come across! So I was worried about the way I worded it may have upset someone! When I never meant too. I've seen you comment on a lot of people posts, you seem so lovely and nice! I hope you're doing well!

@Pulisa, I'm really trying to stick to this change and do the most positive things possible. Like I had a few small bad moments today, but I manged to gather myself up and carry on without dwelling on it to much! It's sometimes a long road but it's going to be wroth it!

[lucymarie]

Sorry! I never wanted to upset anyone and have them think I was personally calling them selfish. I'd personally say that to everyone if I had to. You're struggle is your own and to your own life! I just think in myself I was acting selfishly with how I handle my own health anxiety/other issues. So! Trying not to like shade anyone! Or upset them by saying this whole thing is selfish. It's hard and I know that!

@IM48 I'm sorry- it's you know sometimes when things are written instead of spoken you're worried about how they may come across! So I was worried about the way I worded it may have upset someone! When I never meant too. I've seen you comment on a lot of people posts, you seem so lovely and nice! I hope you're doing well!

@Pulisa, I'm really trying to stick to this change and do the most positive things possible. Like I had a few small bad moments today, but I manged to gather myself up and carry on without dwelling on it to much! It's sometimes a long road but it's going to be wroth it!

Ah Louise, please don't feel you need to apologise, you haven't done anything wrong at all! Your post is wonderful and very positive. I'm really sorry if you thought I was suggesting you were calling others selfish - I didn't mean that at all! I just get super paranoid about upsetting people. Look at us - both endless sorrys back and forward, what are we like

[LouiseAndy]

Ah Louise, please don't feel you need to apologise, you haven't done anything wrong at all! Your post is wonderful and very positive. I'm really sorry if you thought I was suggesting you were calling others selfish - I didn't mean that at all! I just get super paranoid about upsetting people. Look at us - both endless sorrys back and forward, what are we like

I have the same thought process! I really didn't want to upset anyone and was very worried about doing so! I could probably say sorry a million times over and over!

---------- Post added at 03:56 ---------- Previous post was at 03:49 ----------

This new mind-set is going...mostly well! I've had a few ups and down. You know the same thoughts of what if it's a heart attack...or this cancer....but I've manged to push down and not become overwhelmed by these thoughts! Even though at times it's a bit scary like "oh! What if it's real this time and that pain IS a heart attack or some type of other issues etc."

My friend has been struggling with some issues lately, I was able to actually go to hospital with her and be there for her during some tests (It looks like it's going to be a-okay after a opp!) . I was 100% able to be there for her. Only thinking about her, never once did my mind wonder to myself or the what if's about me.

[LouiseAndy]

I found today....It was really hard. I felt awful, all these different things feeling very sick..lots of acid...my limbs feeling weak and shacking a bit....then I remembered I'm flying tomorrow and the stress of that...is probably having a impact! (I HATE flying!) I've got my good friend gavison to help me out with some of the issues! The flights at 6 am. So no sleep tonight probably

[LouiseAndy]

So, went and came from the trip just fine! I didn't freak out on the plane once! Didn't even end up taking any Xanna for the flight! I had to fly back on my own and I did just fine! No tears or anything! I'm very proud of myself. My heart did go a million times faster etc...but I made it over and back! I manged to stay calm the whole time even building up to the flight!....Even if it was just a hour long flight!

I only had one kinda "big" health anxiety slip up. I was walking a museum with my friends but we went different ways. I reached out to like itch my neck and thought I felt something strange...like a lump! I gave myself one chance. I looked and didn't see a lump. I tried to move on from that, even if I felt extra hot and sweaty that night. Among other issues! Yet for the most part I manged to push it to the back of my mind and not worry or complain about it for the rest of the trip! It's only now that I'm alone at home that awful...L word is creeping around a little bit again!

I did also...have some chest pains but it seemed after some burping...the issues was almost gone

It was nice to have some time away with my friend where I wasn't like 100% worrying about something! I think I worried only like 10% (not all health anxiety) of the time and that's huge for me! I have therapy on Monday and for once I'm exited to tell her about some of the progress I've made!

I've tried to remind myself in any moments of weakness. I've had been giving the all clear about..a month ago? I have to stop playing the whole. Oh! What if they missed this or this or this game!

[LouiseAndy]

Just wanted to update briefly! Today we went for the bridesmaids dress for my sister wedding (we did the seating order the other night...never realized how many people you have to plan to keep apart to stop any fighting or bad blood lol). I manged to loss the half a stone I wanted to loss when I got fitted for the dress a few months back. Which made me super happy. I was so worried about not fitting into and being embarrassed in front of my Mam and sister! In fact I actually have to get the dress fitted to me! As someone who's always had issues with their weight, this is a big positive for me. I did it all healthy with eating and going to the gym.

I've been doing my best to be better, I've had a few little "bumps". The typical stuff, heart stuff, strange discharged and some pain between periods (which since it's around the same time every month is probably just the female body clearing it's self between cycles or something!). I'm trying to remind myself that with all the tests I've had, I'm fine. It's fine.

I still have some chest pains issues and burping a lot time to time. I try telling myself if it was anything big I wouldn't be typing this right now! So no googling or rattling off my worries to people..in maybe the last two weeks!