Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

So pleased you managed your meal out 23fish.
I woke up feeling quite energised, which is a rarity.
My foot is still hurting, but less swollen. The bag of peas I had on it last night must have helped. As long as I can see some improvement, I won't worry so much.
That's a laugh, because I thought I was having a heart attack today and it turned out to be trapped wind.
No blurry eye syndrome today and walking not too bad, but still don't have the ability to stand on one spot for long. This is when my heavy, wobbly head comes in to play. It's also when I start talking jibberish. 'Focus, stay calm', I say to myself. Again, no one seems to notice, but they do when I haven't understood or taken in anything that they have said. I normally change the subject to save the embarrassment.
One positive... Sleeping.
I am sleeping so well, like a baby.

[Carnation]

The last few days have been difficult ones.
Not only have I got an injured foot, I've managed to sprain my other good wrist.
So yesterday I went and had my foot inspected and it looks as though there is tendon damage. I kept quiet about my wrist also being injured in hope I can deal with that myself. So as it stands, excuse the pun, I have one good foot in use as my other wrist has not fully recovered from its tendon damage 8 months ago.
So, I'm miserable as hell. Hands are bandaged up like I have been in a fire and hobbling like some poor old woman. What with Christmas looming and my anxiety relapse, I feel I only have doom and gloom to tell.
Not to be beat. I am going to tackle my Christmas card writing today as I can't run around like a hen let out of it's cage. I'm also going to do some minor decorating around the house to try and make the place look more festive instead of a grinch's hovel.
I feel that best thing is always to make an effort.
This applies to nearly everything in life. If it doesn't work out, we'll, you've tried and had the courage to try. But not to try, we'll, it's not good for the soul.
Some of the things I have tried to do and with little confidence, turned out to be some of the best times of my life. Anyway, how do you know if something will work unless you try?
To me, life is all about trying. It should never be about existence. And despite disabilities and lack of confidence, we can still achieve many things that in the mind may seem impossible.
Now, where did I put those baubles?

[Darksky]

"Grinch's hovel" .....that did make me smile. And yes, I agree with you. I've put our tree up today (it's wayyyy to big) but I thought just because I find coping hard and would love the grinch look, it's not fair on our kids who wouldn't like to see a treeless, lightless house when they turn up. Even putting the tree up ramped up the anx though :(
Still it's up now and I'm done, all shopping done, just waiting on amazon for one thing. All food got except veg. That's not me being super efficient, I'm sure there's anx at the bottom of that too.
Try, always try...I agree with that too xx

[Carnation]

Good for you Darksky.
At least you have nice things to look at now, even though the air may have been blue while creating your masterpiece. And, more importantly, you made the effort.

[CarmR]

Hi Carnation..
I just wanted to say after sitting reading all your posts since you started this thread..
i think you are an inspiration to keep going and being positive as possible...loved reading it all

[Carnation]

Blimey CarmR, it must have taken you all Day!
Thank you for your kind words.

[CarmR]

Hello Carnation!...It mostly did lol..It's great

[Carnation]

You deserve a medal CarmR.

It was a hard day for me today. What with my bad foot and anxiety in tow.
We had to go to the big town. Oh, how I hate the big town visit.
It was cold, a biting wind and I had a face on like I was gritting my teeth so hard I must have looked weirdly startled to anyone who caught my look.
The ground seemed like one long trampoline and the buildings wouldn't stand up straight. My eyes were streaming from the wind so I couldn't see very well and by the time I got to the shops, I felt like I'd run a mini marathon.
I had to have lunch out today, which was another ordeal of trying to sit still, trying not to choke on my food or remember to chew before swallowing.
I did my normal coping skills of focussing on stuff around the room and outside the window, but my brain kept digging up the past and there I was thinking of my mum when she was in hospital and asking myself whether I did a good enough job as a daughter. "STOP! I think to myself." Look at the pretty things around the room or listen to someone else's conversation. Seconds later, the thoughts pop up again. Errrrr. Why is it so hard to concentrate on the now and keep focused.
I was going to be beat and no matter how uncomfortable I felt or fidgeted, I was going to finish this lunch!
I had more shopping to do after that and after every shop visit, I secretly sigh a relief of, "Thank God that ones over and I didn't faint".
By the time I get home I am absolutely exhausted and if I am honest, surprised I made it through the day. I had a full 6 hours out today and I hate coming home in the dark. I worry about breaking down in the dark and being stranded. I worry about not eating my meals on time, I worry about my heart beating too fast or the pain that's just cropped up in my head and my stomach gurgling. "Why is it gurgling, I can't be hungry, I only eat an hour ago. I worry myself into oblivion. And then I worry some more when I go to bed.
Talking of that, the last few days I have woken with cramp in my hand and arm. I do this thing where I put my arm up above my head, then I get cramp, my brain wakes me up and it is dead until I smack it back to life and then I go back to sleep.
What makes it worse, is I also manage to tuck my arm underneath two pillows and lay heavy on top of it. Am I trying to kill myself in my sleep? I've asked my o/h to jolt me if I do this again. Otherwise I am going to have to tie my arms to my sides in future. I'm not totally freaked out about this as I have had this happen to me many times over many years, but it is annoying and not pleasant.
This relapse is a bit different to the ones I have had before. I tended to nurse myself like someone with an illness previous times, but I am trying the 'carry on' approach this time, but using mindfulness, meditation, relaxation and distraction.
I could quite easily hibernate to bed or lie on the couch all day, but I don't think it has any bearing on your recovery. I believe in resting the body and mind, but too much can result in rotting in your woes. I've done that, too much!
Anyway, tomorrow is another day and I have a less taxing one.
And Sunday I am off to a beautiful church to hear some carol singing, which I am actually looking forward too.

[Darksky]

Sunday sounds lovely. I'm not sure I could sit still long enough.

I hope the peace and joy of the church is carried with you throughout the season and beyond.

[Carnation]

Hi Darksky
I am looking forward to the carol singing and did it last year. I do fidget, but I managed not to run out because I wanted to be there and that is one of the secrets of not being anxious.
Thank you for your kind wishes and I wish everyone a smooth and joyous Christmas and a New Year that is full of good and healthy days that keep coming!