ESSEXHURRICANE APPEAL
A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the
Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in
Basildon.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del
Solwere damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of
residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to
terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
One resident - Sharon TracySmith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I
was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next
morning."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on
as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at
Argosand Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or
Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss
that gotta do wiv you?
Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex- oh, sod it, they
won't be able to read it, anyway
scknight
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