Having a bad relapse after symptoms re-appeared

[jojo2316]

Yes....it was a bit of a crisis. I can't seem to stop it from happening periodically. I feel a bit calmer now, but I am also suffering with an ear infection and sinusitis, stemming from a nagging cold. All told, I feel pretty miserable. I just went to my walk-in clinic last night since my ear was clogged completely, and prescribed an antibiotic. Hopefully that will knock this sickness out soon. It's been nearly two weeks dealing with it. Caught from my daughter, who got over it much more quickly, as did my wife.


Meanwhile, in the urinary symptom front, I have an appointment scheduled for Friday 12/14, for a follow-up consult with my urologist.


He already messaged me back after I had sent him a message, saying that he felt "very reassured" by my tests done in September. He added that he would agree to schedule another cystoscopy, with the addition of a retrograde pyelogram during the procedure, in the near future, as he put it. This has me somewhat confused and worried. Is he saying he will do this just because I am showing anxiety? Or is he really troubled by the recurrence and wants to look again? I will have to wait until next Friday's appointment to ask him in person. He also said that his office just doesn't like doing Cytology, and he does have 20 years plus doing this. Nor do the other doctors in his practice. His quote was "accuracy is poor". He much prefers just trusting the cysto.


So here we are. I cannot even schedule a cysto until after the 1st of the year, according to their scheduler, which will put me past the reboot date for my health insurance deductible, meaning it will cost me a lot. Maybe $1,000 out of pocket, or somewhere near it. I am scared to death of getting another one, as I handled the last one very poorly.


I am both afraid of the procedure, and what they might find, and as with the last time, also afraid that if they find nothing, and the symptoms keep recurring, that I won't be comforted. Visible blood hasn't appeared since 11/14 now. I am still anxious every time I go to the bathroom.


Maybe I should just walk away? If I die, I die. I am so tired of dealing with all of this. We all die anyway. There is no escaping it, and every single day is closer to that fact, that reality. I feel so depressed right now.

Poor you- you sound calmer but very down. Your dr doesn’t think there is anything wrong: that is what “very reassured” means in dr speak. The extra tests are just belts and braces (most likely because you are anxious). I think if they don’t find anything wrong in the next test (which they most likely won’t), you should ask for an explanation of how blood can appear when nothing is wrong. For me, understanding that, for example, capillaries in the kidneys can get a bit leaky, or something, would make me feel better.... it would give a plausible reason for the blood and stop me thinking the worst every time...

[Carlton]

So I had an appointment scheduled with my Urologist tomorrow, and my wife was going to come, because she wants to be there so I don't misinterpret anything the doctor says, or the manner in which he says it, jumping to conclusions. Then the Doc's office called today to change the time because the doctor has surgery, and now it's at a time when my wife cannot go. So now I feel I must cancel the appointment because I don't want to go alone, but I'm so upset because I was finally going to be able to question my real doctor about these things that have been bothering me rather than googling things that send me into a panic.


TMI to follow...


Now, besides that, I have become Obsessive Compulsive about checking my urine each and every time I go. Even though I haven't seen in any blood, if I see anything floating, or any kind of debris in the urine, I freak out, thinking that it's part of a tumor breaking off and showing up, or mini blood clots when I see tiny dark specks in my urine, though I can't even be sure they are coming out of me, or were there already, or if I've always passed tiny bits of debris and never noticed before, but now I'm hyper-sensitive to it.


I feel like i'm losing it. I'm going through panic attacks nearly every day. Hyperventilating. Crying. All this happens when I'm alone. I'm not on any anti-D's still, and it's been a month. I don't know what to do anymore. My next Urologist appointment is Jan. 14th, with the doctor I'm seeing for a 2nd opinion. I really feel like I have something inside my urinary tract that's killing me and fate is letting it happen.


I am getting to the point that I can't take this fear anymore.

[jojo2316]

Have you cancelled the appointment yet? If you haven’t DONT! You are driving yourself mad.... does your wife know how you feel? Can someone else go with you, if not her? Maybe you could record the conversation, to avoid the (likely) problem if you misinterpreting what is said?
If not you must see you GP to get help with your anxiety- you can’t carry on like this!

[Carlton]

Have you cancelled the appointment yet? If you haven’t DONT! You are driving yourself mad.... does your wife know how you feel? Can someone else go with you, if not her? Maybe you could record the conversation, to avoid the (likely) problem if you misinterpreting what is said?
If not you must see you GP to get help with your anxiety- you can’t carry on like this!

Thank you, jojo. I did cancel it and now rescheduled it for Jan. 2. I also called my PCP and scheduled an appointment to talk to him this Monday, the 17th. He is a good listener, and sadly, is retiring early next year, so I will have to find a new PCP...ugh. But I am hoping he might calm some of my anxiety issues. I will probably ask him to do a urinalysis then, and he likely will. That might help calm me down. I also plan to ask him about a possible nephrologist visit, in case this has something to do with my Diabetes and Kidneys.



This morning, I used that website Just Answer, which I you have to pay to use, but was hoping that a specialist on there might help me. To be honest, I don't feel much better. Basically, I was told "Anxiety" is my problem and that the tests I had should reassure me, essentially what my Uro said when he responded to my email.


I just have such a hard time accepting "benign idiopathic hematuria", or basically "you're bleeding for no known reason, but we doubt it's serious." The lack of a found reason is what haunts me. I wonder if there could be a much scarier symptom for a Health Anxiety sufferer?

---------- Post added at 10:20 ---------- Previous post was at 10:18 ----------

Have you cancelled the appointment yet? If you haven’t DONT! You are driving yourself mad.... does your wife know how you feel? Can someone else go with you, if not her? Maybe you could record the conversation, to avoid the (likely) problem if you misinterpreting what is said?
If not you must see you GP to get help with your anxiety- you can’t carry on like this!

Thank you, jojo. I did cancel it and now rescheduled it for Jan. 2. I also called my PCP and scheduled an appointment to talk to him this Monday, the 17th. He is a good listener, and sadly, is retiring early next year, so I will have to find a new PCP...ugh. But I am hoping he might calm some of my anxiety issues. I will probably ask him to do a urinalysis then, and he likely will. That might help calm me down. I also plan to ask him about a possible nephrologist visit, in case this has something to do with my Diabetes and Kidneys.



This morning, I used that website J**tA**wer, which you have to pay to use, but was hoping that a specialist on there might help me. To be honest, I don't feel much better. Basically, I was told "Anxiety" is my problem and that the tests I had should reassure me, essentially what my Uro said when he responded to my email.


I just have such a hard time accepting "benign idiopathic hematuria", or basically "you're bleeding for no known reason, but we doubt it's serious." The lack of a found reason is what haunts me. I wonder if there could be a much scarier symptom for a Health Anxiety sufferer?

---------- Post added at 10:21 ---------- Previous post was at 10:20 ----------

Sorry for the double post above...tried to edit my post and it did that....not sure why, since I've edited before with no problem.

[jojo2316]

I think the fact that lots of people are telling you the same thing makes it more likely to be true. You have a hard time accepting you have idiopathic bleeding because you have health anxiety. Therefore... the problem is health anxiety!!! I know I’m stating the obvious but that is the bottom line. (And I’m certainly not belittling it either. I am in its grips more than anyone!)