Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Senior Moment, I am so pleased we have not lost you during the changeover of the new formatted website.
I think of you often and wonder how you are coping.
If even a teeny weeny percentage if something I have tried and shared helps you, that makes me very happy. x

Thanks Phar for coming on and leaving a comment.

DustingMyselfOff, well, that was a mighty 'get it off my chest' statement, but hey that's what this forum is for.
And yes, I do think it helps if you feed yourself with positive 'wants', 'need to' and 'musts' and not to keep focusing on yourself but fully concentrate on the job in hand no matter what you are feeling in your body and mind.
It is more than likely that symptoms will be more to the forefront without a job or task to take your mind off of it.
So bearing that in mind, your trip should not be as horrendous as you are imagining it will be.

[Carnation]

Sorry pb, just saw your post

[DustingMyselfOff]

Senior Moment, I am so pleased we have not lost you during the changeover of the new formatted website.
I think of you often and wonder how you are coping.
If even a teeny weeny percentage if something I have tried and shared helps you, that makes me very happy. x

Thanks Phar for coming on and leaving a comment.

DustingMyselfOff, well, that was a mighty 'get it off my chest' statement, but hey that's what this forum is for.
And yes, I do think it helps if you feed yourself with positive 'wants', 'need to' and 'musts' and not to keep focusing on yourself but fully concentrate on the job in hand no matter what you are feeling in your body and mind.
It is more than likely that symptoms will be more to the forefront without a job or task to take your mind off of it.
So bearing that in mind, your trip should not be as horrendous as you are imagining it will be.

Thanks, Carnation, but is there really such a thing as a "positive must"? If I feel like I must do something, I automatically equate it to a negative feeling. And this is how this trip is starting to feel. I can't wait till I am back home again (I know that must sound awful) and I am slightly resentful that at this ripe old age I am still doing things I don't want to do.

You're right - I've got too much time on my hands right now and nothing else to think about so it's snowballing. I may as well accept that. I've downloaded a bunch of movies to watch on the long flight and hope to sleep through some of it. But with the anxiety popping up, I'm not even looking forward to my time there.

Medication. That's what it's there for. For those times we need to resort to it. I must remember to be kind to myself (doctor's orders).
Sue

[Carnation]

Yes, there is such a thing as a 'positive must', otherwise you wouldn't be going, would you?
We spoke about how disappointed your daughter was when you said you might not go. And how you'd built up the relationship after a bad patch. In your heart, you don't want to lose that, despite saying things like, "It's my life" and "It was her choice to move". So, you are doing what you think is the right thing to do. It comes at a price of being anxious and scared, but you know deep down if you don't go, you might feel worse and still anxious and scared at home. At least this way, you will have gained something out of it.
And maybe, you might even have a good time when you are there. And maybe by going you will have broken down the anxiety and maybe you might even feel proud of yourself.
The worst is the anticipation before the event, so this is the worst you will feel. Organise yourself, like your chosen films to watch, put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you will be back on here posting about your successful trip and how proud you feel.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Yes, there is such a thing as a 'positive must', otherwise you wouldn't be going, would you?
We spoke about how disappointed your daughter was when you said you might not go. And how you'd built up the relationship after a bad patch. In your heart, you don't want to lose that, despite saying things like, "It's my life" and "It was her choice to move". So, you are doing what you think is the right thing to do. It comes at a price of being anxious and scared, but you know deep down if you don't go, you might feel worse and still anxious and scared at home. At least this way, you will have gained something out of it.
And maybe, you might even have a good time when you are there. And maybe by going you will have broken down the anxiety and maybe you might even feel proud of yourself.
The worst is the anticipation before the event, so this is the worst you will feel. Organise yourself, like your chosen films to watch, put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you will be back on here posting about your successful trip and how proud you feel.

You're the best, Carnation! I'm just sorry your wisdom and words of advice come from years of your own suffering. Yes, THIS is the part that is awful, the anticipatory anxiety. Once I get to the airport I actually start feeling very independent and like an adult, doing all this adult stuff and managing the chaos of security, airports, boarding, turbulence, Uber's, etc.

Thank you for the great advice. You are right. I would feel worse if I cancelled..... the relief would be short-lived and the next trip would be even worse if I skip this one.
Sue

[Carnation]

I feel I should have posted on Monday, being the 2 year anniversary of my mum passing, (there really is no good word for that). Well, the truth is, I missed the date, remembered yesterday and then got all upset about missing it and felt terrible that I had.
In my defence I have had two new phones in the last month and each time had to re-enter the dates of any events and remembered doing the birthdays and somehow missed this date.
Although I probably wouldn't have done anything in particular, I see it as a sign of respect to just remember.
I'm a bit fluffy headed with remembering dates anyway, my mum always used to remind me. My mum used to help me a lot, despite our stupid little rows and disagreements. I always knew she was there for me, would give me a honest opinion (even if I didn't like the answer). Would kick me up the back side when I needed it. Would warn me of not so nice people. Would tell me when I was letting myself go. Was spending too much money or wasting it. Would tell me I was pretty when I had low self esteem. Would run to the chemist for medication when I was ill. Would give me the last of her change in her purse. Would give me the bigger dinner or give herself the burnt one.
Would iron my top when I was going out and flapping about getting nervous. She would rub my feet when sore, even if they stunk. She kept my secrets from dad. She told me off when I needed it. She wrote 'Darling Daughter' on all my cards, even if I wasn't.
No, I won't forget all the things you did for me mum. I remember all your advice and your sacrifices.
I love you mum xxxxx

[DustingMyselfOff]

What a nice testimonial.
Sue

[Buster70]

Hi all , just read through the thread , you sound very positive of late carnation, it can be very hard to pick out some positives when life is not treating you very kindly.
reading about your mum made me realise today would have been my dads birthday, he passed away shortly after and it's been 20 years ( still feels like yesterday) , I can't think of a list of good points about him he didnt leave a great legacy for us to deal with but like you I do still miss him .( tear just rolled down my cheek ) .
Sue , I don't think I could do what you are doing getting on planes to cross the country to see your family , it's very brave of you and definitely the right thing to do , they grow up so fast , my granddaughter is eight going on eighteen she's such a character and I don't get to spend nearly as much time with her as I'd like , got to do the school run three times today once is hard enough and it's 2.30 am and I'm not asleep ( a large cartoon rubber mallet would be handy right now ) I will do those runs today because I love them to bits it just shouldn't feel like such hard work .
Take care , got some sheep to count .

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi all , just read through the thread , you sound very positive of late carnation, it can be very hard to pick out some positives when life is not treating you very kindly.
reading about your mum made me realise today would have been my dads birthday, he passed away shortly after and it's been 20 years ( still feels like yesterday) , I can't think of a list of good points about him he didnt leave a great legacy for us to deal with but like you I do still miss him .( tear just rolled down my cheek ) .
Sue , I don't think I could do what you are doing getting on planes to cross the country to see your family , it's very brave of you and definitely the right thing to do , they grow up so fast , my granddaughter is eight going on eighteen she's such a character and I don't get to spend nearly as much time with her as I'd like , got to do the school run three times today once is hard enough and it's 2.30 am and I'm not asleep ( a large cartoon rubber mallet would be handy right now ) I will do those runs today because I love them to bits it just shouldn't feel like such hard work .
Take care , got some sheep to count .

Thanks for the kudos, Buster.... it was hard to do and I am proud of myself for doing it, and of course it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Well, the 12 hour travel time and very turbulent flight sucked, but I took meds and got through it. I've been enjoying my time here so far but I am still glad I planned for a short trip this time because.... there's no place like home.

Yes, it's sad that the things we love to do for our loved ones takes so much out of us, but it sure beats giving up. We are warriors.
Sue

[pulisa]

Really well done, Sue! I'm in awe of what you have achieved despite everything!