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Thread: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

  1. #1

    Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    Hi guys

    I'll start by saying I've suffered from anxiety for over 20 years and have experienced a whole myriad of different symptoms. At the moment, I'm worried about a new one (at least, I *HOPE* it's just anxiety) and could do with knowing whether you've experienced anything like it.

    For the last month, I've been misreading things all the time.

    My job involves an awful lot of reading and writing, so I'm used to reading quickly and processing information automatically. I've never had an issue with reading before in my life.

    But just lately, I'll be reading a sentence and realise quickly it makes no sense. When I go back and re-read, I notice it made no sense because I'd completely misread one or two of the words. It's like my brain's seeing the first few letters and jumping to the conclusion that it says one thing, when it says something totally different. I know that the brain does tend to do this - but why's mine suddenly jumping to the wrong conclusions all the time? I know everyone does this every now and then, but I'm finding this happening every other sentence I read. I'm really worried. It feels like some part of my brain isn't wired up properly all of a sudden.

    Not only that, but I've started not even recognising some words and having to strain my brain to process them. Mostly when I'm skimming a page. Like, for example, Google results. I'll be skimming and stopping on words, wondering what the hell they are, almost like I'm reading it in another language. I get this funny panic when I'm looking at a word and it's not going in. For example, I was on Pinterest the other day looking for quotes and scanning through all the pins. Came to a cool Dr Seuss one that was written in large lettering and found myself really struggling to comprehend the words. My brain couldn't jump to its usual conclusions because, with it being Dr Seuss, it was written in a funny order with repeating words. My brain had an absolute melt-down. Almost like I'd forgotten how to read. I was terrified. Normally I wouldn't have a single problem with that - but it felt like I'd lost the ability to read and comprehend words. Like I'd suddenly got 'confused'. Once I'd come to the realisation that I 'couldn't read', it scared the life out of me. Then when I was reading the next quote, the same thing was happening. I felt like a five year old trying to read. It all felt really confused. I got sweaty palms and had to walk away from the computer. That's happening loads, now.

    Of course, now I'm 'onto' what's going on, I'm hyperaware of it. I'm keeping a look out. I'm reading stuff all the time, paying attention. It's almost like I'm building a case for having a big problem, trying to catch myself out. This is going to sound really weird, but it's like I'm aware of my eye movements on the page as well. It's like I'm aware that my eyes aren't moving in lines to read (which is normal judging by all the researching I've been doing... yes, ironically, all the articles I've been trying to read), so I'm losing my place a lot and scrambling to find the next word.

    Very hard to explain, but very distressing. I know I'm being hard on myself. I'm just finding it really weird. I feel like something's gone wrong in my brain. Every single day I wake up and feel a sense of dread about it.

    I've also been experiencing real problems with having a slow brain. Memory issues. Not being able to find the right words when speaking. Saying one thing and meaning another.

    I had a brain MRI in 2016 that came back fine and I've been to the doc about saying the wrong words, etc, because that was really scaring me before I noticed this reading thing. She said it'll be stress-related and I'm giving myself a hard time about it, but to go back and see her if anything else came up.

    Now this. I honestly feel like a part of my brain has died off or is misfiring or something. Trying my hardest not to go back to the docs and report this as another 'symptom'. My anxiety wants me to think I have early-onset dementia, but my rational brain is saying I've got myself in a pickle because it fits with my 'slow brain' narrative.

    *Sigh*. It's exhausting.

    Anyone else?


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
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    108

    Re: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    Holy, I've been going through it just about 3 months ago. It eventually got to a point, where the first thing after waking up was grabbing a book, opening it on a random page and reading it whole just to see if I'm still experiencing it. I got anxious about it, read about brain tumors and such, and it turned my life to hell.



    I know how you're feeling, you're anxious about it and the more you read, the more mistakes you're doing, and that boosts your anxiety even higher. Trust me, I know exactly how it feels like and I'm 100% certain that it's anxiety. There is no quick cure for this - you just need to stop paying attention to it, because you became hypervigilant about it. Also, everyone misreads sometimes, but they just go "oh I read it wrong" and just move on. But you instead, think to yourself "oh my god I did it again, there's surely something wrong with me".

    Also, when you said the part about being aware of your eyes position, that's the perfect way you described what was happening to me. I couldn't read automatically and I was sort of moving my eyes manually if that makes sense.

    I noticed that when I wasn't paying attention to my reading, for example, when I was reading about other "symptoms" I had, I could read the whole Wikipedia article flawlessly, but as soon as I started paying attention to my reading, I misread a lot.



    Here's my thread if you want to read it - http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=216285

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    537

    Re: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    I do the same ! And it has been freaking me out as well! It’s crazy because mine happens even when I’m not anxious. I could just be reading and instead of “royal palace” I may read “royal place”.. it freaks me out whenever it happens

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
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    60

    Re: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    I think this is something the more you are aware of happening the more you will subconsciously do it!

  5. #5

    Re: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    Quote Originally Posted by Mostu View Post
    Holy, I've been going through it just about 3 months ago. It eventually got to a point, where the first thing after waking up was grabbing a book, opening it on a random page and reading it whole just to see if I'm still experiencing it. I got anxious about it, read about brain tumors and such, and it turned my life to hell.



    I know how you're feeling, you're anxious about it and the more you read, the more mistakes you're doing, and that boosts your anxiety even higher. Trust me, I know exactly how it feels like and I'm 100% certain that it's anxiety. There is no quick cure for this - you just need to stop paying attention to it, because you became hypervigilant about it. Also, everyone misreads sometimes, but they just go "oh I read it wrong" and just move on. But you instead, think to yourself "oh my god I did it again, there's surely something wrong with me".

    Also, when you said the part about being aware of your eyes position, that's the perfect way you described what was happening to me. I couldn't read automatically and I was sort of moving my eyes manually if that makes sense.

    I noticed that when I wasn't paying attention to my reading, for example, when I was reading about other "symptoms" I had, I could read the whole Wikipedia article flawlessly, but as soon as I started paying attention to my reading, I misread a lot.



    Here's my thread if you want to read it - http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=216285


    Argh I'm so happy to know you are with me on this! Well... I'm not happy you're experiencing it (because it's rubbish) , but I'm happy I'm not alone.

    Totally agree with everything you said - it's definitely us focusing in on it too much. It's about letting it go when something goes a bit wrong in our brains.

    It's suuuuper warm here at the min and I haven't had a good night's sleep for an age. Although my concentration is getting worse by the day and I feel like I'm straining to think, I think my brain being so tired is stopping it from running away with itself, and I actually feel a little less conscious. It's still with me, though.

    I've had a similar thing with speech on and off for the past year where I say the wrong words, forget what I'm saying, forget what everyday stuff is called and scramble round for the word in my head, etc. Some days it's there, like the reading thing, and other days I could talk for England and be absolutely fine.

    Brain fog. It's the worst.

    Thanks so much for your kind reply. Wishing you all the best!

    ---------- Post added at 22:06 ---------- Previous post was at 22:01 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by katniss View Post
    I do the same ! And it has been freaking me out as well! It’s crazy because mine happens even when I’m not anxious. I could just be reading and instead of “royal palace” I may read “royal place”.. it freaks me out whenever it happens
    Same. I say mine's anxiety, but I don't really feel anxious per se. To be honest it's almost like this is the only way I know I must be feeling low-level anxy, or stressed somewhere inside. I think I swallow a lot down and don't tend to know I'm not looking after it until a mental/physical feeling comes into play that is seemingly unrelated. Doesn't help things, because then, like you, I freak out about it.

    It's definitely helped me to slow right down when I'm reading and trying to take information in. I think I've been trying to read fast because 'that's what I do', when actually I think I've been forcing myself to read too fast to prove to myself I can read. I mean. What I'm actually doing is trying to find evidence that there's something wrong. Not that I'm ok.

    We are too hard on ourselves.

    Sending you well wishes

    ---------- Post added at 22:07 ---------- Previous post was at 22:06 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Londonlady View Post
    I think this is something the more you are aware of happening the more you will subconsciously do it!
    Totally. It's such a vicious cycle. Driving myself up the wall with it.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    , , USA.
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    15

    Re: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    Hi all-


    I have recently fallen down the rabbit hole of HA again for the first time in many years. I have not been on these boards in probably 10 years or so. But I read them extensively back then and the help was nothing short of miraculous. I have given myself ALS, Cancer, Parkinson's, stroke and on and on. The usual list of nasty things that make up the news and search engine results. But I beat it back with help from meds and a great wife/friends/NMP and have had a truly great decade. Some blips of worry but nothing like I had experienced when it was bad.

    I am back because of some of the same fears as you, LisaLisaD. Early onset dementia is what has gripped me; I am 46. I started to notice dates were getting difficult to remember and then it went sideways from there. I have some of the reading issues that you have (words seem foreign for a moment) but mine is even more with dates and times and names. I started testing myself constantly with remembering my upcoming schedule, past appointments, new faces; any new memory making really. It has become an obsession to a degree. I went over my schedule in my head this week probably 50 times. Maybe 100.

    This has been happening for maybe 2-3 months. I made an appointment for a Neuro that specializes in memory disorders 1 week ago. He gave me a quick 30 question memory exam that I scored perfect. Now I struggled with a few questions for a moment and almost went into a panic. He asked me what the date was and what month and I froze but thought it out and answered in I assume enough time that it did not register on his test.

    He also did the usual reflex and eye movement stuff and said all was well there. He did send me for an MRI and some other cognitive testing which I should have done in the next couple of weeks. I asked him why and if it was because of anything on my testing and he said just standard procedure. I live in the States and of course the fear of litigation (and the money they make on the tests) causes more testing than other places I believe. But of course I am spinning this up in my head that he saw something he did not like and is investigating.

    I feel like I am in a fog much of the time. Brain just does not want to work like it always has. Never in my past HA did I feel like my memory was going. It got me so worried I have typed 10 pages of notes/stories to my 9 year old daughter telling her stories of my life in case I cannot. That is the hardest thought for me to endure. My daughter watching me turn into someone who does not even know her. It has caused me to sob. I think of missing the big events in her life and it hits me like a ton of bricks.

    I was at what felt like the end of my rope last Tuesday night. I was having a sinus procedure the next day and had to take some prednisone prior. Well that aggravated the HA to no end and I had a terrible night. I could not sleep so I got on my phone and found the NMP website again. I read a post from a former poster name RLR who was a retired neuro. The gist was that people with dementia have a hallmark trait that they do not know they have it. Even with early onset. These couple of paragraphs were truly mood altering for me. I was able to calm down and get a bit of sleep before my procedure the next morning.

    A week later and I have read that post (copied it and put it in my notes on phone) a 100 times. I am still foggy and feel I struggle with dates, times and short term memory. Part of me believes it to be anxiety. Part of me believes it to be the end. And some part that may be whackier than the others hopes they find MS on the scan because that is something I can live with for a really long time and not die or lose all my marbles.

    As a side note, I have had worries about my daughter recently as well. She swam in some fresh water and I remembered the dang brain eating ameba that kills like 1 person a year in the entire world. I cursed myself for letting her swim and of course she was fine. But it just an example that the rabbit hole is open for business in my brain right now.

    Reading your post and the others afterward has helped me understand, that what seems like symptoms that have no earthly way they could be rooted in anxiety, almost certainly are.

    Hope you are doing better this week and thanks for sharing your story.
    Last edited by chrisfromflorida; 18-07-18 at 01:24.

  7. #7

    Re: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    Hiya ChrisfromFlorida (I am assuming your name is Chris )!

    Firstly, that's brill that you've gone so long feeling well and out of the HA hole. That must've taken some really hard work and self-care. As they say, recovery is not linear, so I think it's normal for people to find themselves feeling similar blips along the way. Well done for keeping going all that time - this too shall pass

    Turns out I'm still struggling with the reading/slow brain shizzle. It got better for a few days but then came back. My eyes feel so tired and I'm generally feeling super exhausted so I'm sure that's not helping the concentration levels.

    I'm so glad you said that about early onset dementia. That very thought has crossed my mind, too. It's so hard not to look for evidence isn't it. Stuff with the mind is a really insidious fear - it's the stuff you can't see or visualise and only you can keep track of it. It's the perfect storm of pressure on yourself to be aware of what you're missing, pressure not to get stuff wrong (because that means it's all real), pressure to get to the bottom of it and pressure to, in spite of all that, stop putting pressure on ourselves because it could be our minds playing tricks. So much pressure and so much worry... but for what? Our docs say it's probably nothing.

    I completely understand what your fears are about your daughter - but please don't worry about that right now because that's not happened and there are no facts to say it will. That's easy for me to say. But at this point you are scoring perfect on a memory test. Your doc can't find anything wrong with your memory - and after your scan you'll see whether there's anything physically wrong with your brain. I am no doc but feel like your perfect score wouldn't have been so perfect if there was anything untoward. It's great that you're having lots of tests - how reassured will you be when it all comes back or if something did come up (unlikely if doc days it's routine), you can handle it.

    Neuros are looking for all kinds of signs. They have absolutely no reason to hide info from you at all. If you asked and they said it's procedure, why would they lie?

    I've got my fingers crossed for you but I reckon you'll be absolutely fine you know

    Let me know how you get on!


    Lisa

  8. #8
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    Re: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    Hi Lisa-

    Thanks for your note and encouraging words. Your super rational and amazingly well thought out reasoning is absolutely indicative of someone that has zero dementia issue. From everything I have read folks just do not realize they even have issues when it truly is dementia much less have the ability to reason like you. It really seems like the interference that HA has on the brain/short term memory is getting in the way of your reading/comprehension.

    I believe you are correct that once I get the tests completed and finding are negative (fingers crossed of course) it will help me close up the rabbit hole so to speak. I know the next sinister disease lurks around the dark corner but we will deal with him if and when he pops up.

    It is amazing, I have absolutely no other fear of anything wrong with me at this moment in time. My focus is laser guided on this memory deal. Stupid brain!

    On a side note, don't you completely envy people that just go through life with no cares and no worries about what life may bring? I have a of couple friends that for 30 years just go with the flow; money, relationships, health, whatever and know it will all work out. I want to bop them on the head out of jealously. But they are good role models.

    Anyway, will definitely send an update on scans, etc. as I know it can be encouraging to hear that someone had similar fears/symptoms and went through the barrage of tests and came out OK on the other side.

    All the best
    Chris

  9. #9
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    Re: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    The reality is we ALL do this. It's just one of those things. Interestingly enough, the opposite can and does occur as well. Our minds will actually correct a slight misspelling and we never know the word was misspelled until it's pointed out.

    IMO, the difference in this case is anxiety. Those who are not sufferers wouldn't think twice about it

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
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  10. #10

    Re: Misreading words/aware of myself reading

    Been having a very similar experience, except that in my case, the two words needn’t have the first letter, or be highly similar.

    I’ve also been struggling with word recall.

    Did you ever resolve this issue?

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