Hi guys
I'll start by saying I've suffered from anxiety for over 20 years and have experienced a whole myriad of different symptoms. At the moment, I'm worried about a new one (at least, I *HOPE* it's just anxiety) and could do with knowing whether you've experienced anything like it.
For the last month, I've been misreading things all the time.
My job involves an awful lot of reading and writing, so I'm used to reading quickly and processing information automatically. I've never had an issue with reading before in my life.
But just lately, I'll be reading a sentence and realise quickly it makes no sense. When I go back and re-read, I notice it made no sense because I'd completely misread one or two of the words. It's like my brain's seeing the first few letters and jumping to the conclusion that it says one thing, when it says something totally different. I know that the brain does tend to do this - but why's mine suddenly jumping to the wrong conclusions all the time? I know everyone does this every now and then, but I'm finding this happening every other sentence I read. I'm really worried. It feels like some part of my brain isn't wired up properly all of a sudden.
Not only that, but I've started not even recognising some words and having to strain my brain to process them. Mostly when I'm skimming a page. Like, for example, Google results. I'll be skimming and stopping on words, wondering what the hell they are, almost like I'm reading it in another language. I get this funny panic when I'm looking at a word and it's not going in. For example, I was on Pinterest the other day looking for quotes and scanning through all the pins. Came to a cool Dr Seuss one that was written in large lettering and found myself really struggling to comprehend the words. My brain couldn't jump to its usual conclusions because, with it being Dr Seuss, it was written in a funny order with repeating words. My brain had an absolute melt-down. Almost like I'd forgotten how to read. I was terrified. Normally I wouldn't have a single problem with that - but it felt like I'd lost the ability to read and comprehend words. Like I'd suddenly got 'confused'. Once I'd come to the realisation that I 'couldn't read', it scared the life out of me. Then when I was reading the next quote, the same thing was happening. I felt like a five year old trying to read. It all felt really confused. I got sweaty palms and had to walk away from the computer. That's happening loads, now.
Of course, now I'm 'onto' what's going on, I'm hyperaware of it. I'm keeping a look out. I'm reading stuff all the time, paying attention. It's almost like I'm building a case for having a big problem, trying to catch myself out. This is going to sound really weird, but it's like I'm aware of my eye movements on the page as well. It's like I'm aware that my eyes aren't moving in lines to read (which is normal judging by all the researching I've been doing... yes, ironically, all the articles I've been trying to read), so I'm losing my place a lot and scrambling to find the next word.
Very hard to explain, but very distressing. I know I'm being hard on myself. I'm just finding it really weird. I feel like something's gone wrong in my brain. Every single day I wake up and feel a sense of dread about it.
I've also been experiencing real problems with having a slow brain. Memory issues. Not being able to find the right words when speaking. Saying one thing and meaning another.
I had a brain MRI in 2016 that came back fine and I've been to the doc about saying the wrong words, etc, because that was really scaring me before I noticed this reading thing. She said it'll be stress-related and I'm giving myself a hard time about it, but to go back and see her if anything else came up.
Now this. I honestly feel like a part of my brain has died off or is misfiring or something. Trying my hardest not to go back to the docs and report this as another 'symptom'. My anxiety wants me to think I have early-onset dementia, but my rational brain is saying I've got myself in a pickle because it fits with my 'slow brain' narrative.
*Sigh*. It's exhausting.
Anyone else?