Negative Thinking

[tonkaboy]

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I posted. I go through a couple of weeks where I think I have the measure of this thing and then 'bam' it's back as bad as ever. I just want to get a few things off my chest relating to negative thinking, which seems to be at the crux of my anxiety.

In any given situation, I think, 'what would be the worst thing to happen here' and then feel a real jolt of fear when I can't immediately say that it's impossible.

For example, I'm sat here wanting to ask for support from you guys as I feel particularly low this morning and immediately I think, what if i can't log in to NMP, what if I cant type or spell? Deep down, I know it's cr@p but I can't help feeling that jolt of fear.

I sit down to breakfast and think, 'what if I can't eat'?

I feel under pressure as I have a young family depending on me and I feel an idiot and a failure for thinking like this. I'm an intelligent person, so why can't I get rid of these feelings?

I have no reason to doubt myself, I've been very successful at most things I've tried but I can't shake off these negative thoughts.

Anxiety used to be a much more physical thing for me but I've beaten that. If I feel tense, I just shrug it off. It seems that anxiety has found another way in. My mind seems to be thinking constantly about how to beat this thing.

I've seen my GP and he refered me to a clinical psycologist but having had the initial interview, I'm told that there's at least a 12 month waiting list.

I feel like I rely on my intelligence to make my way in the world, I'm an aerospace engineer, but if I can't rely on that, it's a disaster - I'm lost.

I keep saying to myself, 'just stop it, you're imagining things that are just not true', but I can't feel that that's the truth. I know I need to just believe in myself but that seems impossible. It feels like the answer is tantalisingly close but I just can't find it.

Thanks for listening.

Cheers

A

[Oceana9518]

Hey there, now listen, or read :-P youve achieved so much in life, you have a career and a family people can only dream of, so your lucky in that respect. I admire you in fact. I suffer with the negative thinking, but life is always filled with what ifs? Arent they?I would say you need to distract yourself but i know myself it can be difficult to do it. I look at it like this, has your fear ever happened? Ive not noticed any spelling mistakes in your post, and i bet you can eat normally! Sometimes i think its a good thing to think ok then do your worst, or speak to it like a person, ( i always tell it to P*** off!) yes, the anxiety will come and go, but dont try and fight it, accept you have anxiety. Do little things each day that make you anxious, do it and write down how you felt before and after, what you were afraid of and if it happened? do this for about a week and then look over it. If you have children ( im sure your an excellent parent) try not to get anxious in front of them as they can and do pick things up and im sure you wouldnt wish what you suffer from on your worst enemy. If your into crystals or things like that, i would recomend listening to relaxing music when you get anxious and try and get a haematite crystal and keep it in your pocket, its renowed for helping with anxiety and cleanses you.
( Fennel and green tea are also fantastic )

I hope this helps you in some way

Emma xx
ps- stay strong

[tonkaboy]

Cheers Emma,

That gave me a lift. Considering you don't know me, you made a couple of very good points:

I am an anxious person, always have been and probably always will be. I'm a worrier. I can look back at other anxious episodes in my life and they've always followed periods of stress that have left me feeling run down. The way that I feel at the moment is way beyond worrying, I'm obsessed with the way I feel anf think.

Distraction is very useful and if something really fires my imagination, I stop the negative thinking. The problem is finding something that inspires me when I feel like this - it feels like I can't force it.

You're bang on - despite all my worries and fears, not one of them has ever happened - it's just my imagination working overtime.

I'm on leave this week and because of the weather, I've been doing a lot of hanging about. Time to kill is the worst thing in the world. Also, I've been very busy and under a lot of pressure at work. Now that I'm away from work, I just want to sleep all the time. I'm knackered, and anxiety alwasy seems worse when I'm tired.

I can see all of this logically and clinically and it probably explains why I'm feeling the way I am, but it doesn't make it go away!

My little boy is 20 months old and he is the most wonderful thing in my life. I feel unworthy of him at the moment, especially with some of the negative thoughts that go through my head.

My father was a terrible worrier and I'm sure that had an effect on me. I'm very conscious of that and don't want my son to learn my bad habits.

Anyway, I hope the weather is better where you are. It's pretty dank and miserable in Lancashire.

All the best and thanks for the supportive words.

A

[lesleyB]

Hi, I agree with Emma, you have achieved so much it's only the thinking that brings us down, I have terrible thoughts that scare me but you have to tell yourself that these are only thoughts and cannot harm you,I always think when I go out that I might faint ( it hasn't happened so far ) but I keep going out because I know I must. Also you are not stupid or a failure, you have a son who you love very much focus on him and if you get a thought just say stop to yourself, it is hard but it will break the habit eventually.
Take care
Lesleyb

[Oceana9518]

Well you have the time off, so... why dont you have a day or 2 to yourself, relax do something you love, go to the pub, see some friends, or even get a face pack on and watch a film !! :-P ( You never know!! hehe) then once youve had that time to relax, make a point of doing something that scares you, take your partner out for a romantic meal? or cook something for them? Shes probably stressed with the baby and needs some time out. Go for a romantic walk, or go into town and buy something for your little one :-) Youve worked so hard for the life you have, you need to stop and think hang on, im not gonna let some irrational thoughts ruin what ive spent years grafting for. I know its hard, but youl do it x

[tonkaboy]

Hi everyone,

I went for a long walk yesterday morning to clear my head. I then had a good hard think about the problems I'm having. I thought I'd share my conclusions with you all, you can take it or leave it, but here's the engineering analysis of the situation:

Stress produces the fight or flight response, which creates the feelings of anxiety.

When you feel fear or anxiety, your mind is programmed to seek out the source of the perceived threat and not give up until it’s found.

‘what could be threatening in this situation?’

When it can’t find an external threat, because there isn’t one, it looks within.

If I behaved in a way contrary to my core values, that could be threatening, ie if I acted badly or cruelly or lost control of myself, I’d be ashamed, people would loath me, I’d lose everything etc.

Your imagination kicks in.

Your mind then creates the very thoughts you’re trying to avoid. Unsurprisingly, they frighten you. The fear makes them feel real even though they are complete fabrications of your imagination.

You then wrestle with them to seek assurance that you won’t behave that way. It is not something you can guarantee by thought alone, you must rely on your behavioural patterns that are based on your core values.

That doesn’t give you the cast iron guarantee you’re seeking. Result – anxiety, which raises your stress levels and takes you back to the beginning of the cycle.

The answer – lower your stress levels and the rest will take care of itself, less fight or flight, less searching for threats, less use of imagination. Don’t fight with the thoughts as you’ll never win. They cannot be resolved by logic alone as they weren’t created logically. They were created by your imagination, which has no boundaries or limitations and does not follow any rules.

As I said yesterday, I'm a professional engineer and so my mind works in an analytical way. If I can understand why somethings happening, it hold less fear, whether it's an aeroplane or my own body.

I'd be interested to hear what you think about the theory. It fits all of the facts and even explains the constant doubting ie if this is wrong, big threat and off we go with the imagination. It also fits in that when I feel calm and relaxed, I can dismiss the thoughts easily. I feel worst in the mornings and by the evening, I start to chill out and guess what, the negative thoughts fade.

Let me know what you think. I feel like I've had a bit of a lightbulb moment.

Cheers


A