Suffering from extreme HA about my mum

[Charloco]

Let me preface this by saying I have EXTREME HA myself. I have had tests for literally most kinds of cancer in my life.

But this time, I am absolutely terrified that my mum has cancer. About six weeks ago she was diagnosed with quite serious iron deficiency anaemia. They did a gastroscopy and colonoscopy and didn't find anything (during this time I couldn't eat, sleep or function as I was so terrified and I am 7 months pregnant). As they didn't find any bleeding, it was attributed to the blood thinners she was on and they gave her an iron infusion.

So she's been having blood tests weekly and her hemoglobin was rising consistently. I finally felt like I could breathe a little and believe the doctors and finally feel a little happiness. Until yesterday, when her blood test showed that not only had it not risen, it dropped by 1 point. I can't even describe the feeling of terror that came over me. It was (and still is) a chest-tightening, gripping fear. I KNOW this is not good. I woke up all night having panic attacks and I can't eat.

Now we have to wait another week before another blood test and then a specialist appointment, then probably two more weeks while further tests (pillcam and CT) are performed on her small bowel. I'm an only child, I lost my dad to brain cancer when I was 9. I feel like I am falling apart with the worry about small bowel cancer. Literally falling apart.

I know that there are a number of things it can be and that small bowel cancer is rare but just because it's rare, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. People still get it - and it's very serious. All I can think is that I'm going to lose my mum and I can't face that. She is all I have left. I know no one can diagnose her here, but I just needed to write this down.

[hazelbritt]

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this pain and panic.

Not long ago, I was having a terrible time with HA, at the time entirely convinced that I had stomach cancer and was awaiting an endoscopy. At the same time, my best friend told me that she was having some worrying symptoms and needed to have a biopsy of her cervix. Then my mom told me that she had had some post menopausal bleeding and was going to see the doctor about it. Well, I started to panic on everyone's behalf. I didn't say so to them, but I felt sure that it must be cancer in both their cases. I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.
The way I got through was to keep telling myself that it was extremely improbable that we all had cancer. And as it turned out, none of us did!
I just wanted to encourage you to try to take a step back and not assume the worst straight away. We can't carry the weight of worry for everyone we love, it's just too heavy. I know it's difficult though xx

[Katie55]

Charloco I just wanted to add my two pennorth! I have been having trouble keeping my haemoglobin levels above the lower normal limit for about the last 10 years. Had every test going and nothing shows up. Also I've heard that not only is small bowel cancer very rare it usually shows up early, can't remember why. Positive thoughts to your mum and you

[Peppermint1121]

Hi, I suffer from anemia too. Was extremely scared when diagnosed almost 3 years ago. My doctor put me through all kinds of tests including endoscope, colonoscopy and abdominal ctscan.... no cause was ever found. Doctor thinks it's a combination of heavy periods and the fact I don't eat red meat. I found a really good iron supplement on Amazon and eventually my blood counts went back to normal range. Try not to think about the worst scenarios, it's much more likely to be something treatable. I sympathize as I lost my dad to cancer just after I had my daughter and I panic about my mom's health alot. Can't count how many times I made myself sick fearing she had some form of serious illness and thankfully it was always something minor.

[Charloco]

Thank you so much for your replies, I appreciate your kind words. It's so hard for me not to jump immediately to the worst possible option and see nothing in between. I've started seeing a therapist who is helping to calm me down. I spend all my time saying 'I KNOW it's this' and she keeps saying 'no, you don't know'. I just have to try and remember that. But every blood test, every doctor's visit just sends me into a spiral. I am so terrified of losing her. It weighs so heavily on me every moment of every day. I'm just praying to anyone who will listen that it's not cancer. Please just don't let it be cancer...

[panicBill]

Hey!

I cant help with this, but I am going though this exact same thing now with my Mum.

About a month ago, my Mum started to get very tired. She kept getting water infections and she thought she had gallstones. She had a scan but found nothing. However her spleen was enlarged.
Since then, she has got thinner and even weaker. The doctor said she had high sugar, and low iron, but her red blood cell count was lower than it should be.

Me being me, I used google and now, just like you, I am terrified.

One thing that makes me feel a little at ease is, nothing serious was shown up on the blood test. Just high blood sugars and low red blood cells. And if something was serious, surly they would not make our Mums wait for weeks on end?

[Toby2000]

Hi,

I just wanna say that I relate to what you're going through. I used to worry about my own health 4 years ago until a year later I stopped worrying about me and the focus turned on to my mum (hypochondria centred on myself has returned recently though).

From like... May 2015 to May 2016 I'd literally OBSESS over my mum's health, ask some of the people who were on this forum at that time, I was literally melting down about it so often because I was convinced she had lung cancer, since she smoked and had a persistent cough. I was so convinced too but 3 years later she's still here with the same cough, which obviously turned out to be a simple smoker's cough.

I don't know much about any problem your mum is experiencing but yes small bowel cancer is VERY rare. The chances are, like with my mum, that she'll be fine and IF not then you'll work through it. But I'm positive she'll be fine.

EDIT: Wait I just re-read your post and saw they found nothing on the colonoscopy. So that's good news!

[Charloco]

Thank you for your replies. I have completely spiralled into severe anxiety and panic attacks now. I'm taking my mum for a CT scan today and am utterly petrified that it will show up a lump - which will mean more waiting, more tests and possibly cancer. I haven't eaten in days, I wake in the night in a huge panic. I just don't know what I'll do if she has cancer. She's all I have left. I just can't seem to rationalise my fears and look on the positive side. Instead, I truly fear I may be having a breakdown about it. Health anxiety is bad enough, but health anxiety when there are genuine symptoms is absolutely soul-destroying.

[Charloco]

PanicBill I just wanted to reply to you as I see you're still super-worried about your mum. Has the doctor suggested any gastro tests for your mum's anaemia? My mum had a gastroscopy, colonoscopy and a CT enterography of the small bowel to look for the source of a bleed as a cause for her anaemia. A lot of the causes of anaemia are from the gastrointestinal system. Might pay to ask the docs about those tests? My mum's have come back clear so far (touch wood) but it was a very very stressful and scary time waiting for the results, so I know how you feel. Hang in there.