how im i going to do this

[charlotte07]

hello everybody,

i wonder if anyone could give me any advice or reasurance,in october 2 days before my dads funeral i found out my now ex partner was having an affair,we have a son together who is now 13 months.

he applied through a solicitor for contact once a week,i was advised not to let him have it as he wouldnt give a fixed adress.
i have now recieved a letter to attend a hearing at court,ive been told its not wigs and judges like id imagined,but im getting so anxious as it gets nearer im losing sleep,feeling sick and shaking all the while,the thought of walking into the room makes me panick,im scared im going to look out of control and everyone will notice,im afraid they will ask me a question and all eyes will be on me.

i no this is something i have to do,and i want to compose myself,its going to be hard enough bieng in the same room after what my ex was doing to us while i was nursing my sick dad,i no this is about our son, but im so scared and im working myself up in such a state,i so want to be able to do this,i want to mention supervised access to start with,my son wont recognise him,im a quivering wreck,already got the runs,and its a week away, what am i going to do,my mum is giving me some diazapan the night before to take that morning. what can i do to calm down,im anxious enough as it is

a very anxious charlotte x

[bubblygirl]

Aww Charlotte what an awful time you must be having i really feel for you! I don't have much advice for you but i believe you will find the strength in you for your son its something you know you have to do for your son and you will get through it.I really hope everything works out for you.if you ever need someone to listen just pm me your msn take care Sarah x

[newgirlj]

hi charlotte
to hopefully help ill tell you what was like for me at court i paniced before i went to and imagined it to be something it was not to.
first of all hun it is not going to be as bad as you think. yours and his solicitors will probably do all the talking, a lot even before you go in negociating
he will be kept away from you if asked you do not have to talk to him.
i know this as ive been through it i was waiting around more than i was in the court there was me my solicitor, his an him the judge and the person who types things out in the room,definatly not what you said your fears were i hope this helps a bit hun if at least to stop your imagination going on a mission cause of the panic i send a big hug and hope you will feel better soon take care j

[sweetpea]

my mum is giving me some diazapan the night before to take that morning. what can i do to calm down,im anxious enough as it is

Dear Charlotte,
I really feel for you...good luck with the court date and I'm sure it won't be as scary as you think.

This is just my personal opinion...I would write down before exactly the things I want to say or feel strongly about so I'm focused for the day. In the morning I'd sit quietly, 5 or 10 mins and just breathe slowly and regularly and read my bit of paper to stay calm and concentrating on what I need to focus on. I'd also buy some 'rescue remedy' from Boots - natural remedy for when you go into an anxious situation. You can put a few drops on your tongue or into a bottle of water to sip on - it can really work. I had to teach a group of 24 last week and it helped to keep me calm!

Also, if you can, I'd take a friend/relative with me for support.

Have you taken diazapan before? I haven't but the way you wrote it made me think you may not have had it before? I think it's strong stuff...someone else better qualified than me maybe can help you out.

Good luck with it all...be strong.
xs

[kimmy]

I have done this with my ex. Its a family court- very friendly. Its difficult having to face your ex- me too, i wanted to jump and punch him. The courts will understand that he cant just go to him, when your son doesnt know who he is. Its not fair to the baby, i presume you have seen a solicitor? If not then you should. Before you go into court you sit with your solisitor and explain your concerns, at this point he will be doing the same. Your solisitors will meet before you go in and tell each other the requests. IF you have disgreements this will be done through the solicitor. You may or may not come to a conculsion before you go into the court room. If you do or dont, the proposals will be read to the judge. Then an agreement will be made.

Is there a posibility your ex can see the baby at a time with you for a while? If not you perhaps your mother? These are all options you could concider before you go to court. Its not like the films at all!!!!!!!!!