Intrusive Thoughts Feeling Real - At My Wits End!!

[Marie1994]

Hi all, I am relatively new to these forums, so I suppose I will just give it a go.

I have suffered with POCD, Clinical Depression and Anxiety for almost all of my life. (I am 20.) It was not until around late 2009 that I began to have intrusive thoughts, mostly about things that seem common among these forums - suicide, harming others, etc. It was incredibly hard to deal with then but seemed to fade away gradually with time. I took no medicine at the time and I would guess that these feelings lasted around half a year - possibly a bit more.

This past summer, it all came back 100x worse than before. I was in and out of the hospital for my horrible Anxiety, and finally put on (gradually) 150 mg of Zoloft a day, which has helped TREMENDOUSLY. I have had no side affects and find the medicine quite helpful with my struggling.

However, I find from time to time that these intrusive thoughts come crawling back, although they are not as prominent and in the front of my mind as they were before. The thing that troubles me the most now is that before when I would get these thoughts, a terrible, anxious feeling would come over me and I would feel incredibly depressed and overwhelmed. Now, I do not seem to get that feeling, so I worry that I actually want to act on these thoughts, which is awful in itself. I feel so guilty and confused by it all, and it really drives me insane! I feel like I am a horrible human being that wants to commit these actions.

Sometimes I still feel as though I am at rock bottom and it is very easy to feel hopeless and insignificant. I am currently going through CBT which is somewhat helpful, but sometimes the holiday letdown and being on break from college really gets to me! I also (sometimes) struggle with the fact that I have all these mental "disorders", although I know they are no different than an illness such as Diabetes, it just affects the brain. I just wish there was not such a stigma attached to it all.

I apologize for the length of this post, but I suppose I am just looking for some reassurance/advice/anything in general that may be deemed helpful! Thanks in advance and I hope you all have a happy new year.

[Ikaeoph]

Hi, I have reached the same position with my intrusive thoughts, but not only do I not feel as bothered by them now but I get a burst of adrenaline in my chest and it feels nice which reeeeealy scares me now... I don't know if that's because I secretly like these horrid thoughts or it is normal for adrenaline to feel nice sometime, but I thought I'd let you know other out there like me have reached this stage too so I guess it's normal. In fact I read that healthy people have these thoughts, they just don't realise because they have no emotion attached to the thoughts, so we might be healed of the OCD aspect but we are scared that we aren't effected as much by them, when in fact it's normal to pass them off as not important. Someone told.me a good thing to say in your mind that helps when your really suffering ,`these are just thoughts, only actions make a person, and I won't act on these`, I have suffered from lots of illnesses blur this one troubles me most. I hope you can improve even more!

[allalone]

I too am suffering with intrusive thoughts and obsess about thoughts/feelings I've had in the past. I am going onto anti depressants and starting CBT which I hope will help. At my wits end and feel so alone. This forum is helping though which is good x

[Bonnibelle]

I have recently been diagnosed with OCD after a horrific year with anxiety, and I have been referred to the Mental Health Team for some CBT to help me.

I can't take SSRI drugs so am on Mirtazapine for my anxiety although it isn't helpful for OCD I do feel a little better and able to cope a little better with my thoughts.

My thoughts last year were about knives and what if I hurt my children. Then 8 weeks ago I read a post about a girl who was scared of jumping out of her bedroom window and about bridges, it jumped into my mind and 2 days later it became my new intrusive thought. As i live by a bridge I found this really scary. 8 weeks later I am still anxious, obsessing about the thought, scared to be alone... which is really peaking again now my husband is due back to work on Monday and the children back to schol Before Christmas the thoughts were terrifying me so much that my hubby worked from home to give me some company as I was too scared to be alone incase I acted on the thought.

There are some great books out there that can help with these type of thoughts.


"Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty" by Jonathan Grayson, Ph.D.

"The OCD Workbook" by Bruce Hyman, Ph.D. and Cherry Pedrick, R.N.

“Getting Over OCD: A 10-Step Workbook for Taking Back Your Life” by Jonathan Abramowitz, Ph.D.

“Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well” by Fred Penzel, Ph.D.

"Getting Control: Overcoming Your Obsessions and Compulsions" by Lee Baer, Ph.D.

"The Imp of the Mind" by Lee Baer, Ph.D.

“The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD” by Jonathan Hershfield and Tom Corboy

These books have been recommended to me.

Sorry I'm not much help as I am newly diagnosed with OCD and still struggling to come to terms with these thoughts but I thought I would just reply to say you're not alone and I hope the books I have suggested may be of some use to you.

Take care

[Beckybooboo]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment. I suffer with OCD and have had bouts of the thoughts you're getting in the past.

Let me tell you something about these thoughts. The word thoughts is a word that I cannot stress enough, thoughts are not things and they are not a true representation of who you are as a person and never will be.

The thing OCD does as I say to everyone on here, is that it plays out your worst fears in your mind and actually leads you to believe that you are that person. Well, you're not and you never will be.

I suggest noting the thoughts down, tearing them up, deep breathing and also guided meditation. When these thoughts come up, challenge them, look for evidence and investigate these thoughts in your mind. You know that they're not the truth, they're not who you are.

If you need any more advice, any of you, please PM me.