Stag night stress

[phil06]

So, the advice was the feed the obsession with compulsions?

Whether to clean something is a question of what someone without anxiety would do. It certainly won't be to replace a door handle in case some germs got on it. Sure, you could disinfect it but it's just not needed and lets remember this is a "what if" scenario anyway.

I think toward people are carrying antibac around more because companies are telling them to buy than they need to use it. This is damaging to people like phil who start to see people who are not suffering anxiety but are overly paranoid about germs.

Yes I agree to be honest I don’t know where my idea of germs came from. Basically I suffered anxiety and before I knew it I was having ocd behaviour.

How can I shake off this urge to replace something? Blocked Toilet germs/toilet water and dirty laundry are my issues I have found if anything touches that’s it I’m off on one and I want to dispose of it. I think many suggested cleaning as it’s better than my extreme of throwing away.

The good news is I dont replace and throw away much as I quickly find another reason to worry.

What do I need help with? Well I won’t touch the radiator and I don’t touch the letter box and door handle I am using elbows. I can’t stop the thoughts? There is a good video on youtube about a therapist who uses an arm chair as contamination and explains how the person would wash there hands after touching it. The advice is to keep using this arm chair and sit with it. I suffer a heap of intrusive thoughts and I avoid touching that’s my issue. I believe I need to change how I see these toilet germs and dirty laundry.

Being honest I would say i have seen a reduction in my fear of dirty laundry due to the fact I no longer come out the shower to wipe my backside and get tissue on the towels. So that leaves toilet water blocked toilets this horrifies me? I have blocked toilets in hotels and now I won’t return, I won’t buy from my work, I won’t touch the door handle, if I go to the toilet and toilet water splashes on my hands I have to shower anywhere else I won’t worry. The toilet water situation is mostly based around my hands. So yes I need help with the toilet water thing and the belief something is tainted. I am a realist and I know in daily life there is situations come up where toilets are repaired, people don’t wash there hands ect but I mentioned more anxiety if I see it? I would happily pick a door handle but I would not do so with my own now.

So yes I want these thoughts to go but I have seen these as hazards for years. I mean I touched my mums handle for years and she prob never washed her hands after the bin I touched my phone and I never blinked an eye lid but because I touch mine more I feel trapped isolated like I can’t simply wash my hands now to rid the germs.

[phil06]

Perhaps your Stag will be a timely distraction from all this. I think you could make headway but not sure you're willing to put in effort and hard work it will take to pull yourself out of this OCD quagmire.

Yes I hope so it’s tomorrow so I hope I can some now forget the ocd for the night

[MyNameIsTerry]

Any book on OCD, other than the garbage pumped out by "gurus" which can be nonsense (and Phil does have one of these and I know it's very light on anything OCD because I have read ), is going to cover the basic cyclical relationship of triggers, reactions, obsession-to-compulsion, negative behaviours, etc. You can't explain OCD without it. It should be touching no more common issues that cross anxiety barriers such as core beliefs, rules & assumptions and how to modify them, etc. Perfectionism should be covered as it's a big part of OCD and other obsessive style disorders.

I think Phil is a very literal kind of person who almost needs to see a physical A-B process he can follow. Unless he buys books purely describing his scenarios, which may mean several or not even possible to cover it all, I doubt he will find this. But this is where the therapist can tailor for him, and didn't she do certain things like cards detailing what was a normal range of actions to a scenario?

There are nuances between these themes, and OCD is split into categories of mostly obsession, mostly compulsion or mixed but it's true that the majority works for everything. That's why doctors don't care so much for themes and more for what's underneath them. They know treating a theme doesn't necessarily treat what's underneath.

Contamination books will exist, OCD was always stereotypes as cleaning. Perfectionism most likely will too, books outside of OCD will also talk about obsessional behaviour as it's just an extension of normal personality. Solipsism I think would be out there but not books about it as a theory, books about it in terms of mental health. But a lot of this is going to be repetitive and can be found free online anyway.

Some useful resources:

ABC Beliefs:

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/m...20Analysis.pdf

Rules & assumptions:

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/m...ssumptions.pdf

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/m...ssumptions.pdf

Veale talks about Theory A/Theory B methods in this extract:

http://www.veale.co.uk/wp-content/up...r-OCD-2007.pdf

And more about it here from the NHS:

https://cypf.berkshirehealthcare.nhs...naging-ocd.pdf

Blank sheets for Theory A / Theory B and populated examples can be seen on Google Images, if needed.

These types of tools are useful in creating a "how do I respond" style framework, a set of rules you can work towards following.

You said this in your Dirty Laundry thread but it was closed before I got a chance to reply:

Yes I can reread over it but I am struggling to understand why people are not worried about the bin germs or the fact that bin could have contained blocked toilet bin bags of toilet paper, toilet water and so on. In my mind I treat these as forever contaminated and that no cleaning will do any good. Nobody has really explained to me why I am in this forever contaminated group why does my mind think this way and why does it not bother other people? It may help me understand more but it’s difficult because it’s imbedded into me these thoughts it’s hard for me to suddenly think that bin maybe isn’t as harmful as made out. I mean I put a plunger in my own green no it also had fragments of toilet paper and toilet water so I admit those germs already exist in my back garden these are the same germs. Had my partner not washed her hands I would think the exact same but I argue not everybody has to put dirty toilet water germs in there wheelie bin, some people’s bins are cleaner.

So what’s the deal someone said perfectionism? Is that really the reason for believing something is forever contaminated? Why do I get contradictory situations where I care less? Like when I believe she touched dog poo and tried my front door? I would generally see those germs the same as blocked toilet germs.

Perhaps its more more common than I think maybe people bin there old toilet brushes? I have been to public toilets which have been blocked so perhaps these germs exist more commonly than I think? What are people’s view on that?

So, what you need to do is consider what it a normal response to finding an object that feels tainted. Identify what YOU think is the issue and what else might be the real issue. Follow it through with those sheets.

Would I clean a door handle because someone we to a wheelie bin? No. Would I even wash my hands after touching that wheelie bin. No. BUT if I was due to eat or do something that involved higher levels of hygiene (e.g. putting hands in my mouth or interacting with someone else in a similar way/intimate way, preparing food, etc) then I would at that point wash my hands ONCE. I wouldn't clean that handle because my hands are no clean and that handle represents nothing to me anymore. If then start putting my hands on potentially dirty surfaces then I refer back to my same rules about when I need to consider higher levels of hygiene.

These tools are something you can populate to understand what you are doing, why and whether it's irrational. Learning to understand about the difference between perceived & actual consequences and then making a decision which route to follow. Your subconscious will still kick off about it but you will also be teaching it about the correct ways to do things.

Good luck on your stag night. Try to let it all distract you and have a good time.

[Carys]

Thank you Terry, for once again putting in so much of your personal time and effort into explaining everything to Phil, providing him more links, resources and so much to think about. If nothing else, I find it interesting

Sadly I suspect we will still be here, if we allow it, in X more years in the same circle. Phil clings to his OCD. It is clear that he should know every shade of this condition and the causes and how to deal with it by now but he doesn't seem to know the basics. This makes it clear that nothing has been read, and understood, for 13 years on this subject. Previous therapies haven't worked - well infact 'nothing works' - from ERP to self help books apparently. Phil, the reason why nothing works is that for whatever reason known to those around you, and yourself you don't even take basic steps to address things.

You are bleaching the door handle, then questioning time and time again why its not working, why you still feel anxious. YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD TIME AND TIME AGAIN, even by BlueIRis a couple of pages ago why its not working !

I seriously am finding this hard to understand right now, and wonder if you have some other disabilities other than OCD ? If you do, it would help us to know at this point if they could be affecting your ability to process information. I know you have autism, or aspergers, but wondering if there is anything else ?

[BlueIris]

That's a very valid point, Carys. I used to run into trouble with our intern at work being stubborn or unreasonable - he's quite well-spoken so I genuinely had no clue until somebody mentioned it to me that he has moderate learning difficulties.

[phil06]

I will check out the links

and no I don’t have autism or aspergers it’s not something I have ever been diagnosed with perhaps you are confused with the bipolar episode I had in 2016.

[Carys]

Yes, maybe I was.

So, no other learning disability ? - just trying to find out why you have such difficulty in internalising OCD facts really.

[phil06]

Yes, maybe I was.

So, no other learning disability ? - just trying to find out why you have such difficulty in internalising OCD facts really.

No there is nothing else

[Carys]

Then, really Phil, there is no excuse for you not knowing OCD as a condition, and the treatment methods, inside out by now. Sorry. Anyway.......you've got some books there you said you could re-read again ? Have a good night tonight.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thank you Terry, for once again putting in so much of your personal time and effort into explaining everything to Phil, providing him more links, resources and so much to think about. If nothing else, I find it interesting

Sadly I suspect we will still be here, if we allow it, in X more years in the same circle. Phil clings to his OCD. It is clear that he should know every shade of this condition and the causes and how to deal with it by now but he doesn't seem to know the basics. This makes it clear that nothing has been read, and understood, for 13 years on this subject. Previous therapies haven't worked - well infact 'nothing works' - from ERP to self help books apparently. Phil, the reason why nothing works is that for whatever reason known to those around you, and yourself you don't even take basic steps to address things.

You are bleaching the door handle, then questioning time and time again why its not working, why you still feel anxious. YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD TIME AND TIME AGAIN, even by BlueIRis a couple of pages ago why its not working !

I seriously am finding this hard to understand right now, and wonder if you have some other disabilities other than OCD ? If you do, it would help us to know at this point if they could be affecting your ability to process information. I know you have autism, or aspergers, but wondering if there is anything else ?

No probs, I was getting some of those anyway for the other thread when it got closed.

Aren't some people just wired this way? Some find it hard to understand a concept but easier to follow a process demonstrated? It could perhaps be a trait issue and he needs it explaining a certain way for it to click. Some people learn better one way than another but it's over to him to work that out and he should know which style is better for him.