anxiety has taken over

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman. Pleased van is good and hope u got the dry spell for the fencing. Smudge is a great name! I’m about to drop off to sleep so I will write a proper note next time. All ok at this s end, although a little uncertainty with work things again. I need to learn how to live with that. Your wife sounds very caring and you deserve it for sure. Take care, Rad

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman.

I’m just touching base to see how you are doing. How is life in the Van my friend? I bet the cold weather is in and hope you, your wife and the dogs are snug and happy. And hopefully you are keeping yourself busy, and keeping in touch with friends and family. I can’t believe we are midway through December. I had all these deadlines for the start of December and they are not fulfilled. I’m certainly putting the hours in, still grateful and surprised to have it. My confidence is also back. I’m gonna keep taking my meds and cracking on into Xmas. I’m busy into Jan now. What else is new? Oh my belly ! For sure I’m worrying less and there’s no exercise. I’m enjoying a few beers here and there and eating winter food. It’s better than that weight falling off which made me feel conscious and unhappy. Hope to hear from you when you can. No hurry. Best, Rad

[otterman]

Good evening Rad,
Things all good up here in the cold north Seem to be going through gas bottles like nobody's business.
Time passes so fast, doesn't seem like two minuets since June when we were both out for the count, and now things are so much brighter. Looking forward to Christmas, although we are having a quiet one to ourselves this year, i think we deserve it after a lifetime of keeping everyone else happy.
Its good you are keeping busy, and like you i have put most of my pork back on lol.
I have applied for a couple of jobs, but to be honest im two settled now into my new routine lol, up at whatever time, breakfast whenever, dogs out for a walk, bit of shopping for tea, and sometimes i will go down into the village and have a cuppa in the cafe and just watch the world go by.
Im thinking April for a job, im looking forward to the snow coming and have stocked up with supplies lol.
I'm still taking my fluox and don't intend to stop taking them in the near future.
Its good to here from you, and please keep in touch.
All the best wishes Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otters, I hope u don’t mind the abbreviated version! I’ve wanted to do that for yonks. I’m typing on one thumb on my mobile and it’s quicker lol. Nice to hear u r doing well and happy. Really pleased u r on a new routine, u worked hard ur whole life, so it’s good to slow down and back to job hunting in April sounds like a good plan. The client I mentioned b4, who is not playing fair, is at it again. The chap I worked with for 18 years has been sacked, so curtains for me is so very close now. I’m extremely surprised i remain so long after the big upheaval in May. I’m not so fearful of my future tonight, but it’s still unpleasant and unsettling. As mentioned it’s been so incredibly busy these past months since we both turned the corner. I’ve really moved in a more positive direction. But I still have moments of worry, I’m wondering how things will pan out as I have no work distractions, and time on my hands. It was difficult to wind down this summer. I’m here on my own for Christmas. My partner is taking my daughter to stay with her sister and mum. I will stay in London and visit my mum n sisters. First Xmas day in London for 7 years. I will join them later before new year. U may recall my wife’s mum has dementia. It’s really got bad bad. Anyways, I will catch up soon, things will slow down very soon and I will have more time to. Take care! Rad

[otterman]

Good evening Rad,
I'm liking the new name Cant think of anyway to abbreviate your name down lol.
Sounds like the troublesome client is not a very nice person! do yo have enough work without them to carry you forward? if so maybe you should drop them rather than wait to be stabbed in the back.. At least then you will know where you stand if that makes sense.
Sorry to here about your wifes mum, it must be awful for you all to have to go through all that at Christmas, enjoy your time with your mum and sisters, and your sisters dog, which i take is always pleased to see you.
I went for a job interview on Tuesday down to the local coop, its only 12 hours a week at the moment, but is full time in the summer months when all the tourists are here. Not great money but enough for me to survive on at the moment. I will know by next friday if i have got the job or not! but i wont hold my breath, there must be 200 applied for it.
Keep in touch over christmas and into the new year my friend, i always enjoy your messages.
All the best wishes, Otters

[Rad1]

Hi Otters,
Merry Christmas to you my friend. I hope you had a nice day.

It is quiet without my girl and partner. Today I woke up slowly. Last night I ended up looking at videos on youtube and my laptop battery went from 100% to zero! Today I woke up and switched on the TV for a change. Then got up slowly.

I had an urgent message from one of my guys who does developing for me. He said that he was approached by the company I have been complaining about. Asking him if he can do some work for them. I've also been 'locked out' of their website admin. The guy I worked with so long there has been sacked without a reasonable settlement. Now it gets complex as its not an English company. But it sums up their approach to business, ruthless. Its been coming for 6 months. But its ironic that it all came to light Christmas day. Their Christmas is Orthadox church and so slightly later than our Christmas. So it is a regular working day there.

I chatted with other people there that I worked with for 10 years, and it is the investors that ordered it all. So I am owed for around 2 months graft. If I get that, I am happy to walk away (after 16 years working with them). I will explain more another time Otters. It doesn't feel like the right place to discuss such things.

So as mentioned I was due at my sisters. Not seen her for about 2 years. Anyway, I think you are right, time to be free of them and so I decided to not allow it to affect me. I had a great day with my family. Lovely food, took home a plate of leftovers which I will enjoy tomorrow.

I will join partner and daughter Saturday and stay with her family a week. Her mum is suffering from dementia (I think I mentioned b4). She is really bad now and needs full time care. Sleeps all day and then wonders around the home at night. Agitated at times. Such a lovely lady, always doing things for everyone else.

Anyways, I really just connected to say Merry Christmas Otters. Lets hope good things ahead for us both in 2019, after an incredibly tough period in 2018. Such an incredible struggle we both endured, but as you said before... We are survivors.

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Sorry for not getting back sooner, internet problems out here in the sticks! i have had to borrow the wifes dongle to read my emails..
It sounds to me that the company that you were doing all that work for are rather underhand when it comes to conducting there business.I hope you get paid the money you are owed for all the work you have done for them over the past months, i know you have worked so hard. It seems to be a trend of modern life that everything is disposable without even thinking about the human cost, it makes me feel sick!!
Im sorry to here your partners mum is getting so bad, it must be so heartbreaking for you all, and my thoughts are with you and your family.
Great that you had a good christmas day with your family, must of done you the power of good spending the day with them.
We had a very quiet one, it was the first time in the last 40 years i haven't spent it with family, just me and my Mrs, rib of beef and all the trimmings in our van, and it was perfect.
Today has been quiet too, dogs out for a long walk on there leads, not easy with a spaniel and a border collie, especially when all the fields are full of sheep, rabbits and pheasants,not to mention the grey squirrels darting all over the placeNeedless to say my arms are a couple of inches longer every time i go out.
Enjoy your time off and try not to worry too much, i think we are both heading for better things in the year ahead, im sure off it..
Keep in touch my friend, i look forward to hearing from you as always.
All the best wishes in the world, Otters..

[Rad1]

Hi Otters, I hope all is ok at your end? I’ve been hectic but will write soon. I’m doing ok. Rad

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Good to here you are doing ok, hope your having a good new year so far.
I seem to be living in slow motion at the moment, keep applying for jobs but not much luck.
Im going to sign up for job seekers allowance this week, i know im entitled, and god knows i have paid enough into the system!
I'm off to vision express tomorrow for my eyes testing again, i will need some new glasses, i know because i'm at the stage that i cant see what im typing lol.
Hope you got sorted with the problem client and your getting other work in.
Looking forward to a good catch up.
All the best wishes , your friend Otters.

[Rad1]

Hi Otters,

Wow its been a while. I hope you got the glasses and can read this lol! I've got reading glasses and had the same strength for at least 5 years. I really must go up 1/2 a point.

How is the job-hunting going? You mentioned that supermarket job a while back. How is life in the Van? I bet you got used to it by now and hope it is snug and everything as you want.

I made it to my wife's mum and dad. So her poor mum is pretty bad. She recognised me but was calling me by her other daughter's name. I think the most difficult time is bedtime. She won't get changed, she keeps asking if she has her documents as she is going on a trip. However many times you reassure her, she won't stop. Sometimes quite agitated. Then in the night she wonders round looking for the toilet - often peeing in the wrong room. But she hasn't lost her appetite and can still have a giggle. I got her dancing for example. I am glad to have spent a week there but was relieved to leave too. Its exhausting.

Strange about that client. So they shut me out the website I made for them (which is in 6 languages). That happened on Xmas day! And then they said nothing. Eventually I confronted this new guy with an email. He let me know that my contract was terminated and that a letter was sent 27th Dec. I never got it or the email he claims to have sent. Anyway, no warning, no notice. I simply no longer care. I've said farewell to a few really nice people there who said really positive things about working with them. In the end plenty of work still keeping me busy this Jan. Its been rock solid. I honestly can't believe it, almost like a guardian angel is watching over me. Its not all that certain it will be regular, but I am fed up with worrying about that. I've also figured I can take my savings and use them to invest on a property. Do it up and make some money. I'm good at that type of thing and can see how much prices have dropped in London. When I was younger I did it a few times. Its in the blood as my dad used to do that. I grew up in half renovated houses! I was painting walls and playing with electrics at 13.

I often wonder how you are getting on. This is the first chance Ive had to sit in bed and type a message for ages. Let me know when you like Otters!

Best Rad1.

So my friend Otters, not a bad start to 2019 for me. Income, hope for the future and so busy Ive not been able to stay in touch.