December is here and my anxiety has worsened. I missed over a week of lectures and a fieldtrip.
I went to my regular doctor’s appointment and told her that I hadn't left my room for a week. I was terrified but I really do not remember where the days have gone. It feels like I wasn't even here for those few days, my appetite vanished; I lived off 4 hours sleep every three days. My mood was all over the place and I was upset every day. One flatmate kept joking about panic attacks and another flatmate told me that I was making her feel depressed - I didn't want to leave my halls and at that point I didn't even want to leave my room. My doctor told me to stop taking Citalopram and to take Diazepam and prescribed me sleeping tablets. She gave me a medical certificate so I could excuse myself from lectures and not have to worry.
The last two days have been good. I felt like the happy person I used to be. Better still I hadn't experienced withdrawal symptoms from the Citalopram (I haven't been taking them for very long though). I was invited out earlier and spent the day deciding whether to go out or not. I decided that surrounding myself with other people would be a good idea. I started the night drinking non-alcoholic drinks. As the evening went on I couldn't stop thinking about how 'ill' I had been and I decided a small amount of alcohol would be fine.
Those last two days have been my steps forward but right now it's 5am and I can feel my anxiety rising again! I can't sleep, my hands and lips are shaking, I have a pounding headache and I feel so sick. Is it the alcohol or not? I think I'm just going to have a few bad days again. I spent 20 minutes staring into the mirror; I couldn't get some thoughts out of my head. It's strange, I feel like I don't know who I am, I don't remember what I look like until I look in the mirror.
I don't even remember the point of this post. Can anyone comment on having ups and downs in such a short time? Do you have problems with your memory and feel confused. I read the term 'brain fog' one day and found it to be a good description of how my mind feels at times like this.
Appologies for the boring and probably incoherent post :(
Tom x
---------- Post added at 08:42 ---------- Previous post was at 05:08 ----------
It's quite theraputic to just type what ever your thinking. I was quite upset after writing all this down but I took my medication and now it's an hour or two later and I'm feeling a lot more calmer. I just going to get dressed and get out into the world before all the thoughts creep back in.
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