my safe person is drinking

[mistymoo]

hi all, just wanted to know if this effects anyone else.
My partner is my safe person who I have come to rely on for everything (due to agoraphobia & anxiety), the problem is he is due to go on a stag night soon, when he drinks I feel so alone as though the person I have learnt to trust is no longer there for me, he gets loud and obnoxious when he has too much to drink, I dont want to stop him having a few cans on an evening, its just when he goes out with his mates(which is very rare) he doesnt know when to stop, I feel like Im trying to dictate to him because of my own fears, Im confused as to why I feel so vulnerable when hes drinking to excessthe guy needs some form of relaxation, the problem is with me not him

[karenp]

My Sister's Hubby is the same so I can completely see where you are coming from darl but though she hates him binge drinking, she is so much stronger than I am so can cope but because I am an anxious person, it would really get to me too as soon as I became stressed over it. I really don't know what to suggest for you though x

[meche]

Men will be boys when they get together! My other half isn't a big drinker so on the rare occassion he does go out on a bender it doesn't take him much to get drunk - and he can be a nightmare! He gets silly and loud so I tend to just ignore him when he comes home. How are you with staying overnight on your own? I would maybe suggest that on his night out he stays at a mates house so that you don't have to deal with it. Maybe you could have a friend over to stay for company. xx

[mistymoo]

Hi, thank god he's not staying out all night as im monophobic (fear of being alone) although it will be the early hours when he comes in, I will hopefully be in the land of nod by then, so Im doubly worried about him drinking and not being there for me and pyhsically not being at home with me but my sister just lives around the corner so I could ring her if I feel anxious, its the bed time when I will be most anxious, I dont like being like this at all and at one time it wouldnt have bothered me in the slightest.

[MiniatureDisasters]

I feel so alone as the person I have learnt to trust is no longer there for me, he gets loud and obnoxious when he has too much to drink,

its just when he goes out with his mates(which is very rare) he doesnt know when to stop,

Im confused as to why I feel so vulnerable when hes drinking to excessthe guy needs some form of relaxation,

the problem is with me not him

Take the anxiety away from the above Misty and look at what you say about your boyfriends' drinking above. The problem isn't WITH you, plenty of people without anxiety would feel the very same way. Anxiety or not, I know I would find it upsetting and feel vulnerable if my boyfriend acted in this way when drinking. As for the guy needing some form of relaxation there are healthier ways for you and for him. Can you talk to him about it?

[PanicPod]

As your sister only lives around the corner can you not go and spend a girly night with her so that your boyfriend can go out and enjoy himself on the stag night. That way he will know that you have someone to care for you and he can relax and enjoy a rare night out.

[mistymoo]

Hi, I am going to have a chat to him about how Im feeling, we have chatted before but sometimes I dont think he really understands my anxieties, I could go to my sisters but I prefer my own home, its next weekend so Ive plenty of time to talk to him, thanks for all your advice its much appreciated

[mistymoo]

Hi Everyone, just wanted to let you know that I DID IT, I stayed on my own from 5pm till 1.30am last night and I survived, it wasnt as bad as I thought, then again it never is , thats the nature of anxiety though isnt it. He behaved himself and didnt go over the top with the booze as I had a good chat to him before he went, thanks everyone for your support, my next challenge is getting to the dr's next week, ohh the excitement never ends

[MiniatureDisasters]

Nice job Misty