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Old 11-04-12, 22:23
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NoPoet NoPoet is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,680
CBT is starting to work

Hi all, well after being a member of NMP since February 2009 I am FINALLY starting to make genuine headway against my illness. I was diagnosed with GAD and euthymia (the residual effects of depression, without clinical depression being present) by my therapist who I am seeing through Anxiety UK.

There have been some extremely tough times during the therapy. I began to lose my sense of identity; I found the anxiety being replaced by depression and, gradually, the depression was replaced by deep, vicious fear. I found myself overwhelmed by the sheer prevalence of negative thoughts and behaviour that have basically become a part of me.

I was on the verge of splitting up with my girlfriend; I had commitments that were starting to lapse; I moaned and complained all the time, and suffered very badly from a menacing sense of fear.

The other night I picked up a KFC on my way home from work and was driving home, listening to my "Friday Songs" (music I listen to when I'm leaving work for some days off), humming happily to myself, when I suddenly felt sick with fear and sadness. But you know what? I realise that this was caused by a hidden, unconscious thought that flitted past so quick I almost missed it. Then later I caught another similar thought. I've never noticed this type of thought before. But now I know they're there and I know when I've had one.

For the past 6 weeks, I've been listening to self-help mp3s which I made. Gradually they have helped me build confidence and hope. Now that I am aware WHY I suddenly feel like crap - because I have a hidden, unconscious thought that I am going to die - I understand WHY I have been so prone to sadness, fear, anxiety and negativity; WHY I can be so doomy-and-gloomy; WHY I am not cured after 3 years of medication and therapy.

I've found myself being more positive. More confident with my girlfriend. Less likely to accept negative automatic thoughts. I am actively challenging my fear of death, something that was impossible just 2 weeks ago. I find myself unaccountably feeling bright and free at times. Now I've started doing stuff I should have done months ago. I'm even considering looking for a new job.

I cannot emphasise enough how much my therapist and Anxiety UK have helped me. But I also cannot emphasise how much the self-help mp3s have been. Now, for the FIRST time in my life, I am able to reassure myself WITHOUT having to rely on others. I am not beset by terrifying, depressing thoughts, because I know accept that I am not scared of things, I am scared of how I will react to them.

There is along, long way to go - my therapist is telling me to think of full recovery coming in the next year or two rather than in a few weeks and I have heard that for anxiety disorders, you need to have one session of therapy for every year of your life (by that estimate I'll need a total of 32 sessions!) - but I am learning to support myself and I am learning to be rather proud of who I am and what I've done.

Well I hope this inspires some people. Just goes to show that with the right support and with the determination to do the hard work, you CAN start getting better. I am genuinely starting to believe that I CAN make a permanent recovery without relapse.

Let's see what happens.
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What would you do if you weren't afraid?

I drew the line between hope and despair, and the line will hold.

"Forth now, and fear no darkness!"
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Old 12-04-12, 02:20
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monika monika is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 152
Re: CBT is starting to work

That is great to here. Hope things just keep getting better and better!
The root cause of all disease is a negative attitude about taking care of yourself.

To heal ilness, begin by restoring balance.

Speak or act negativly, pain follows, Speak or act with a pure heart, and happiness follows.

It's never too late to create a new body.

Wellness is our natural state. Disease is an imposter.
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cbt, starting, work

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