kids' noise really upsets me

[catnut]

I wasn't sure where to post this so am trying here. I have always been highly sensitive and certain noises, light and even smells bother me. I can deal with light-sunglasses when too bright, smells if too strong I can move away from (chemical esp. bother me) and I know I can use earplugs for noise but that doesn't seem enough for loud and screaming children, I can still hear them. Loud adults annoy me as well but I stay away from busy places, bars so don't have to deal with that. I live in a family complex with many small children who run around and just scream (sometimes when they are just sitting outside) whenever they feel like it, sometimes as late as 9pm in the evening during summer. I have contacted my strata, all they can do is remind those with children that others' may not enjoy noisy children and to try to keep them away from the roadways. The neighbours' across from me have two kids under 6 who bring their friends' over and just run around, scream and can get really loud esp. in the evenings - the parents' just do nothing but watch and say nothing even though they know it annoys me to the point of swearing through my window at them when it gets very bad. I don't know what to do, how to deal with these horrible neighbours? They make each summer hell for me and my mom/brother (lived here for 4 years) but we can't move due to the price of townhomes and not finding one that works for us(I need a full bathroom in the basement due to my arthritis) plus I can't move due to not feeling well physically and mentally this summer. I am going to keep track of any long times when it is bad and let my strata know how bad it really is and am thinking of legal action if it gets bad this summer, I want it to stop and know I mean it when I get upset. Any help?

[Mercime]

What kind of help are you looking for? This is obviously a very disturbing issue for you but you would be better looking at methods of managing to cope with the sensations you feel through therapy maybe.
Legal action will get you nowhere, there are no laws that say children have to be quiet by 9pm in the summer, especially as you live in a family complex. What I would be wary of is that you do not find yourself on the receiving end of police action for threatening behaviour. If you are swearing out of your window at them, and they are not doing anything that is prohibited within the rules of the housing contract, then the parents have the right to call the police on you. Or take it up with the authority that runs your complex, that could have even worse repercussions.

We all have things in life that annoy us to the extreme. Can I ask would you react like this if it was a gang of youths, teenagers, making this noise? Swearing out your window at them? If you would not because of fear of repercussion, then you may need to look again at your reactions to young children, as I think you will find that many, even those who have no children, feel that your actions are inappropriate.

Better to find a way of dealing with this. You have stated you cannot move, there will always be children in a family complex so maybe a change in tactic is required.

[debs71]

What kind of help are you looking for? This is obviously a very disturbing issue for you but you would be better looking at methods of managing to cope with the sensations you feel through therapy maybe.
Legal action will get you nowhere, there are no laws that say children have to be quiet by 9pm in the summer, especially as you live in a family complex. What I would be wary of is that you do not find yourself on the receiving end of police action for threatening behaviour. If you are swearing out of your window at them, and they are not doing anything that is prohibited within the rules of the housing contract, then the parents have the right to call the police on you. Or take it up with the authority that runs your complex, that could have even worse repercussions.

We all have things in life that annoy us to the extreme. Can I ask would you react like this if it was a gang of youths, teenagers, making this noise? Swearing out your window at them? If you would not because of fear of repercussion, then you may need to look again at your reactions to young children, as I think you will find that many, even those who have no children, feel that your actions are inappropriate.

Better to find a way of dealing with this. You have stated you cannot move, there will always be children in a family complex so maybe a change in tactic is required.

A little harsh, IMO.

Anxiety can make us VERY sensitive to any kind of noise such as this. i am not surprised catnut is upset and frustrated, as I have the exact same reaction to the family next door to me - their kids are a total nightmare, and today for instance have been screaming, shouting, booting their football against their wooden fence and frankly running wild all day long. It is not on, despite what you may say about 'well you can't compain really'....umm, the point is you shouldn't HAVE TO, if their parents had any kind of social conscience and consideration for the neighbours around them......why no chastisement of them??

To be honest your post comes across as quite unsympathetic to someone clearly anxious with that kind of noise going on, and less than helpful.

The problem I find with some people with kids - I assume you have them? - is that woe betide anyone criticize their wonderful little darlings, and it is all the rest of the world's fault for being mean about their brat kids.

It isn't. It is lack of parental guidance of inconsideration for others.

Catnut - I sympathise. I know it is hard to block out disturbance like this, but one thing I tend to do is stick some earphones on (if I am watching something/playing a game) to block out noise - be it unruly kids or construction, etc. Other than that if you are able to get out and away, at least for part of the day, at least that is some respite from it.

Anxiety makes us hypersensitive to everything - smell, noise...the whole nine yards. Don't feel at all guilty for feeling this way, as some of us here CAN relate.x

[Mercime]

A little harsh, IMO.

Anxiety can make us VERY sensitive to any kind of noise such as this. i am not surprised catnut is upset and frustrated, as I have the exact same reaction to the family next door to me - their kids are a total nightmare, and today for instance have been screaming, shouting, booting their football against their wooden fence and frankly running wild all day long. It is not on, despite what you may say about 'well you can't compain really'....umm, the point is you shouldn't HAVE TO, if their parents had any kind of social conscience and consideration for the neighbours around them......why no chastisement of them??

To be honest your post comes across as quite unsympathetic to someone clearly anxious with that kind of noise going on, and less than helpful.

The problem I find with some people with kids - I assume you have them? - is that woe betide anyone criticize their wonderful little darlings, and it is all the rest of the world's fault for being mean about their brat kids.

It isn't. It is lack of parental guidance of inconsideration for others.

Catnut - I sympathise. I know it is hard to block out disturbance like this, but one thing I tend to do is stick some earphones on (if I am watching something/playing a game to block out noise - be it unruly kids or construction, etc. Other than that if you are able to get out and away, at least for part of the day, at least that is some respite from it.

Anxiety makes us hypersensitive to everything - smell, noise...the whole nine yards. Don't feel at all guilty for feeling this way, and some of us here CAN relate.x

I have no interest in how my post comes across to you. I have stated nothing more than facts, which is more to the point than your assumption about me, as to whether I have children or not. That is not what this was about, nor was it about how you personally feel about the issue, I did not let my feelings cloud the issue, which was that the poster asked "any help?".

I asked what help she or he wanted. It was a genuine question. I also said that we all have things that annoy us to the extreme, but did not bring those things personal to me into my reply. If you can point out, rather than having a personal rant, what I said that was too harsh and in what way it was so, I would like to hear it.
There is a real danger that the poster could find themselves on the receiving end of authority/police action if they scream abuse at children. I would not like to see this happen and felt I should point it out. I have also pointed out that these actions can be seen as inappropriate, from an adult to a child. As the situation is untenable for the poster, and they cannot move, I have suggested therapy as a way forward.
I haven't seen any suggestion of what to do from you however. Do you have any? The poster has already said they use ear plugs but more pertinently, in another post, that they "hate" children because of their noise in other environments. I'm sorry you feel the need to hijack what I said with your sanctimonious reply, making assumptions about my having children, and lecturing me on the effects of anxiety. I'm well aware of the effects.

[debs71]

I'm well aware of the effects.

Well if that was actually true, you would be somewhat MORE sympathetic to an anxiety sufferer, who is clearly at the end of their tether, and not throw up a lot of holier-than-thou, accusatory drivel, and stating the obvious like 'get therapy.'

My 'suggestions' were made at the end of my 'rant', as you obviously saw, to then pull me up on earphones. It is a very difficult post to reply to, as noise sensitivity is hard to escape from and manage.A fact that you could have recognised, instead of a 'rant' coming from you about how the cops may be on her doostop soon - yep, that will REALLY help calm catnut's anxiety, won't it?

CATNUT - I apologise for 'hijacking' your thread, and I hope you are able to receive some more helpful replies than mine and this persons.

[Carnation]

Debs71 and Mercime; you are both nice people, but this is what happens when words are not chosen carefully when a poster starts a thread asking for help.

Catnut, getting back to your issue and I will try and be as helpful as I can.
I can relate to high sensitivity myself, so I do understand your problem.

BUT, bearing in mind that there are many causes for high pitched sounds or even annoying sounds. I feel the children's sounds is a deeper issue with you.
If you do not have a therapist, I believe that is your answer to this problem.

I hear many disturbances on a warm Spring/Summer evening, but you do pick out that particular noise. And people are right when they advise you that if you tackle this head on with the children or parents. It could make your life more difficult in the long run. If you are unable to get a therapist. You could look for stuff online that may help you. I am pretty certain that this is more common than you realise. x

[debs71]

Debs71 and Mercime; you are both nice people, but this is what happens when words are not chosen carefully when a poster starts a thread asking for help.

Sorry Carnation. I am now bowing out of this thread.

I hope you find some peace, catnut.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Whilst the police have to take all complaints as serious, it doesn't mean they will do anything more than have a chat. People have been telling annoying kids to shut up for a very long time. The police aren't idiots, they will be speaking to those parents too and may mention how they could help. And there are limits where behaviour becomes antisocial, these override any contract.

Dealing with the anxiety and emotional reaction is important too though. I've had my fair share of rants at people when my anxiety was higher and looked back to see it was over the top. Having a coping strategy to check my reaction was useful so I didn't fly off the handle but isn't easy with emotional reaction as it feels so strong.

Kids need to be taught to respect other people. They can be loud & have fun without being antisocial.

[ankietyjoe]

Whilst we can all empathise with the symptoms and sensitivities of anxiety, living in a family complex with lots of children and moaning about the noise that the children make is like living next to an airport and complaining about aircraft noise.

It might be an idea to at least look into the option of moving somewhere quieter, even if you can't do it now.

[catnut]

thank you, especially to Debs71, it is good to find someone who also is dealing with this same issue to feel I am not alone. I can't afford a counsellor as I'm on disability. More than the noise, it's the attitude of these particular parents that their kids' can scream and be very loud until 9pm when they know very well it is very disturbing to me (as well as my brother and mother). It is a complex, they see how many others' live here, many without young kids, and you have to respect others' right for peace in their home, too. I should not have to suffer in silence when THEY are the ones' getting away with doing what THEY want. I will try to remain calm but if they push me over the edge I have no choice but to get mad, it is only fair. As far as I know nothing has been personally said to them to quiet them down or stay away from my area, and that is why I was suggesting legal action-if they got a letter from a lawyer, maybe they would respect my right for a quieter place to live.