struggling so much after cheating man

[willieverbefree]

Not sure if this was/is a good place to post re this subject ..

I am struggling a lot with the realisation/discovery that my boyfriend had been cheating on me throughout our time together - the shock that I had trusted him to at least tell me if he was going to/wanted do that stuff, and particularly as he knew my husband had left me due to an affair.. I realised too late that he is self absorbed and narcissistic and played me because he did not want to lose me....He has done me so much emotional damage, and my health anxiety is at breaking point - the thought of him having sex with others, and having had unprotected sex with me ( because I trusted him)- I have been checked out, but there are still certain fears that no one can take away - I feel like I dont have the strength to control the fears, I feel broken inside and such a fool for being so naive and trusting a man that has no feelings or concern for anyone but himself ..I dont know what to do with all that is in my head, I have never hated anyone so much- they do so much damage to good people

[Noivous]

I'm very sorry for what you're going thru right now. This wound sounds very raw. And time is the medication that will heal it. Some men and women cheat. Many do not. But I think under certain circumstances anyone is capable of it. These types of broken hearts mend to be sure.

Let me ask did you break up because of the cheating or did you find out about it after the breakup?

I think that infidelity is at an all time high because of technology. Social media, texting, email etc...has gotten folks together who never would have otherwise even met.

Hang in there. There are a lot of good guys out there.

N.

[Graceski]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Don't blame yourself for trusting him or anything. None of this is your fault, how could you have known?

He's a complete jerk especially if you've been through it before and he knew. Shake it off, hold your head up high and thank your lucky stars for a lucky escape! Now you can allow someone better in your life

It never feels like it at the time but time will heal you. Don't let him win. You are strong and you deserve a million times better.

[willieverbefree]

I realise now what a naive and vulnerably fool I was to have got involved with him - I was with him for 5 years, I broke it all off with him when I found out/realised he had been cheating ..I could not forgive or go back to that - I have been/felt very traumatised by it all - I think its the realisation too, that someone can be that cold and calculating and lie ( just to keep you for their purpose) .He knew my husband cheated, and I asked him if he was seeing other women for sex and he denied it - so I foolishly believed and trusted him and continued with the relationship ...I struggle badly with Health anxiety,some of it related to not having been able to have children ( which he knew too) - so the fact that he was happy to have unprotected sex with me, knowing he had been with others, had caused me much anxiety and worry..I am going into counselling, but no one can take the thoughts/fears away that are running thru my head on a daily/hourly basis.....There are an awful lot of wicked people preying on others - narcissistic personalities, I got caught by one and am now drinking ( not good I know) ...

[WiseMonkey]

I realise now what a naive and vulnerably fool I was to have got involved with him - I was with him for 5 years, I broke it all off with him when I found out/realised he had been cheating ..I could not forgive or go back to that - I have been/felt very traumatised by it all - I think its the realisation too, that someone can be that cold and calculating and lie ( just to keep you for their purpose) .He knew my husband cheated, and I asked him if he was seeing other women for sex and he denied it - so I foolishly believed and trusted him and continued with the relationship ...I struggle badly with Health anxiety,some of it related to not having been able to have children ( which he knew too) - so the fact that he was happy to have unprotected sex with me, knowing he had been with others, had caused me much anxiety and worry..I am going into counselling, but no one can take the thoughts/fears away that are running thru my head on a daily/hourly basis.....There are an awful lot of wicked people preying on others - narcissistic personalities, I got caught by one and am now drinking ( not good I know) ...

No, it's not good to medicate on alcohol as it will add to the problem. Have a look at this site and it may help you. She is an expert in all kinds of narcissistic abuse and has some excellent free resources.

https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/

[mezzaninedoor]

This all sounds very raw, I think you will add to your problems by turning to drink, my Mum turned to drink when she had relationship issues and it became more and more of a crutch to her. If you can try and focus on positive things, things you love and treat yourself well at this time then that should be of more benefit and stop you going down the rabbit hole.

Infidelity is a plague at times but as Noivous says there are good guys out there.

I talked my Mum through this and this seemed to be practical advice:- https://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...-a6861081.html

I like the next article which emphasises that we almost need to teach people how to love us, I wish you well *hugs*

https://www.forbes.com/sites/margiew.../#407cb9b72638

Mezz

[willieverbefree]

Thank you all for your replies, its incredibly difficult to deal with both realising/finding out that someone you cared about, only really cared about themselves and what they got from the relationship - and also the fact that they really had no regard for your health or welfare ....There truly are some very cruel and destructive people

[wubu]

I’ve been through this with my ex. It does shock you that someone you trusted could betray you in such a way, plus the thought of deception and lies makes you feel like crap.

She said it wouldn’t happen again and she feels bad etc. Then maybe a year later she done it again. Man I felt like an idiot for trusting her again.

Started seeing another woman and it happened again, although she was still with her boyfriend and she had BPD so she it was absolute chaos!

Definitely try and keep a clear head, the alcohol will only make anxiety worse and you’ll feel like crap a lot too.

If your ex actually had Narcissistic Personality Disorder look at this guy, he is brilliant and it answers many questions https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYg...KOnRNSfuf8n89A

[Confetti]

You deserve somebody who would not contemplate harming you like that, or as a bare minimum having the balls to tell you he did not respect or care for you as you deserved any longer before doing that, if someone is capable of that whilst you'd rather impale yourself, there's not enough in the connection to bother fighting for.

[willieverbefree]

I have struggled with bouts of anxiety for 25 years ( some due to fertility issues,physical/emotional pain etc) - I had a hysterectomy approx 3 years ago - and some months ago discovered that the person I had been in a relationship with for 5 years ( did not live together) was narcissistic...He had me fooled, and had been cheating on me probably on and off the whole time.(I ended the relationship some months ago).I have written on here previously re my anx - and the possibility that he could have given me HIV or/and other Std's - I have been tested negative for all which is/was obviously a relief...But my fears have not been totally eliminated, because there is a chance that he could have given me an Hpv virus - I have asked my gp if i can be tested, If I do an its a high risk strain then I could develop cancer...I am so frightened and upset with myself for trusting this man, he knew my history ( I was unable to have children with my ex husband) - and obviously that I had had an operation....I feel that this nightmare of mine and the anxiety will never end... I am having counselling and am on medication ( anti deps) but i feel distraught, hurt,angry, scared etc etc and such a fool for trusting someone so obviously cruel and heartless..