First time panic... lymph node

[firsttimepanic]

Good day everyone. First time poster here, been reading a lot of different threads on this site. Let’s cut to the chase. I’m in full blown panic mode.

My story: two months ago I noticed an enlarged lymph node behind my left ear. It is right behind my ear (posterior auricular), a single node. I really didn’t think much of it until I started googling. What a curse that was. Until now, I have had no such health anxiety.

The node started off as being roughly the size of a nickel, now it’s the size of a dime. Because I hadn’t been sick or anything I decided to go to my doctor. He felt around, and dismissed it and said “everything feels symmetrical”. I disagreed so I went to urgent care and the doctor there said “yup it’s definitely a lymph node”. I explained to him that I wasn’t sick or sick recently and it didn’t hurt. He said “that’s a red flag, but since it’s soft and moveable I wouldn’t worry about it. But if it’s still there in a couple weeks I’d get an ENT to look at it and possibly biopsy it for possible lymphoma”. I pretty much freaked at the thought of that.

After those appointments I started to really poke and prod the node. So dumb of me. Because I felt like it wasn’t resolving, I made an appointment with the ENT.

The ENT looked me over and she said she feels head and necks all day long and what I’m feeling is a small lymph node but I’m also feeling the SCM tendon.

I felt good about this for about a week. Then doubt crept back into my mind. So... I made an appointment with another ENT. Someone I’ve seen in the past for an unrelated issue that I really liked.

When he examined me he said “definitely a lymph node. But since you’ve said it’s gotten smaller I wouldn’t worry too much about it”. He said it’s most likely due to bug bites because it’s summer and sometimes lymph nodes take forever to go down but to come back if it gets hard or bigger.

Naturally, I poked and prodded the node for a good two days after the appointment convincing myself it was getting bigger. The next day, it was HUGE. Big as a very larger grape. And rock hard and it hurt. Bad. Panicked, I let the ENT know and he said it might be wise to just take it out since my great grandma died of lymphoma and the node is changing shape/consistency. I did not tell him I was really poking and prodding it couple days before.

He scheduled me for surgery on 09/19/2018 - which is tomorrow. The lymph node has since gone back to dime size about and not as “pointy” as it once was. It no longer hurts either. Oddly, the lymph node seems to really go down when I apply heat to it, which he advised me to do at my first initial appointment.

So here I am. Surgery tomorrow to remove this node that’s been tormenting me for two months. I have never been put out before so a little nervous about the procedure.

However, what I’m more nervous about is the result of the pathology report. I am panicking for some reason. Normally I wouldn’t worry about stuff like this but for some reason it’s really been controlling my life for a couple months now.

I’ll let everyone know how surgery goes and what I find out!

Thanks for reading everyone!

[StephA]

Sorry you’re struggling. However, I think you should have been honest with the ENT and told him you had been poking and prodding the node before it swelled up! Perhaps, you could’ve avoided an unnecessary surgery, which although the risks are probably small, anytime you have a surgery the risks are there. Lots of anxiety sufferers go from doctor to doctor until they get what they want and hear what they want to hear. I’m not picking on you at all, but until you can learn to TRUST your doctor, who in your case said they weren’t worried, then you will continue to struggle with anxiety. You are the one who made the node swell up. It wasn’t the (most likely) benign node that swelled up and hurt on its own. Just my two cents. All that said I do hope surgery goes well!

[firsttimepanic]

Sorry you’re struggling. However, I think you should have been honest with the ENT and told him you had been poking and prodding the node before it swelled up! Perhaps, you could’ve avoided an unnecessary surgery, which although the risks are probably small, anytime you have a surgery the risks are there. Lots of anxiety sufferers go from doctor to doctor until they get what they want and hear what they want to hear. I’m not picking on you at all, but until you can learn to TRUST your doctor, who in your case said they weren’t worried, then you will continue to struggle with anxiety. You are the one who made the node swell up. It wasn’t the (most likely) benign node that swelled up and hurt on its own. Just my two cents. All that said I do hope surgery goes well!

I completely understand what you are saying and I in no way feel you are picking on me. Part of me wants to contact him today and let him know it’s gone down since I scheduled the surgery. Another part of me wants to just get it taken out so I can stop worrying about it. Since this is basically my first experience with health anxiety I’m just tormented about this and don’t know what to do.

Overall I really do agree with you. But in the back of my mind I’m constantly thinking... what if... what if it is something bad and I tell the ENT it’s shrunk and he tells me not to have the surgery and it turns out as being something terrible down the road?

It will be interesting to see when he examines me tomorrow what he thinks. It has gone down for sure but it’s obviously still there. If I tilt my head you can see it poking out a bit since it’s such a flat surface right behind the ear.

Also it’s interesting you said people with anxiety will go from doctor to doctor until they get what they want. My primary doctor said the same thing. He said “if you ask enough doctors, eventually one will biopsy it, which I think is not necessary”.

[firsttimepanic]

At the surgery center! Wish me luck everyone!

I’ll let you know how it goes.

---------- Post added at 11:34 ---------- Previous post was at 09:22 ----------

Hey everyone surgery went fine! They give you some good drugs and was done before I knew it. Doctor said the node was about 2cm in size but looked healthy. Just a bit inflamed due to what he thinks are bug bites.

I should know the results by tomorrow or Monday.

[Leslie735]

I'm sure you will get a good report, but sending prayers your way!! Keep us posted! *hugs*

[firsttimepanic]

Waiting is the most difficult part. Driving me crazy! I understand this stuff can take time but the doctor was quite confident he’d have the results today.

[firsttimepanic]

I called the ENT office and explained how much anxiety I had about the results. They said they will have a doctor call with the results sometime today.

My anxiety couldn’t be higher.

---------- Post added at 13:13 ---------- Previous post was at 11:15 ----------

Results are back. Benign! Thank goodness. Thanks everyone for listening! Now to work on my HA and fix the underlying issue which is my anxiety.

[doxiemama]

I'm really happy for you, glad everything is well!

[epistore]

I called the ENT office and explained how much anxiety I had about the results. They said they will have a doctor call with the results sometime today.

My anxiety couldn’t be higher.

---------- Post added at 13:13 ---------- Previous post was at 11:15 ----------

Results are back. Benign! Thank goodness. Thanks everyone for listening! Now to work on my HA and fix the underlying issue which is my anxiety.

I'm with one of the size of yours that I can not take away because it's risky on the nerve that connects in the mouth, I'll have to live with the fear.

[Fishmanpa]

I'm with one of the size of yours that I can not take away because it's risky on the nerve that connects in the mouth, I'll have to live with the fear.

Ultimately, that's a choice you have to make. you can choose to live with anxiety and allow that totally irrational fear to persist or you can treat your real illness

Positive thoughts