End of the road

[KatiePink]

I don't know why I'm posting this, I guess I'm treating it as my journal. I've always liked to put my thoughts to paper it used to make me feel good, now it's all I can do, I write down what I'm feeling like it means anything. Partner is feeding my beautiful baby, she really is amazing, more than I could have ever imagined she is literally my heart & soul. The only reason I smile.
This is the end of the road for me, it has to be, there is nowhere else to go, this is the lowest, the most desperate I have ever felt in my life, I want to scream so loud, scream that I am worth more than this my life is worth more than this, I don't want it to end like this. I have so much love, so much to give, i want with every fibre of my being to beat this but I am a bare fragment of the person I was, how do I do this when I can barely stand up right now, I feel completely trapped on my body, this constant pounding in my head that doesn't allow me to hear the birds, I miss them birds in the morning! I miss silence, I've always loved silence. I can't get any lower, I'm terrified I will not see this through, because this overwhelming emotion takes over me and i just want to end it all when I can't bare another second of this fear consuming me. Please send positive thoughts this way, and i pray that I can climb out from this terribly dark pit. This is extremely negative, a its me trying my best, this is my mindset right now.

[Nerdling2]

Can't read and run. Posting to say I feel like this too...wonderful children, wonderful husband but totally locked inside myself and can't see it getting any worse.

I see you have a newborn...could it be PND for you, perhaps?

[Carnation]

Katiepink
You write as much as you want. Get those emotions and feelings down and out!
There is always someone here listening. x

[venusbluejeans]

Hi Katie, we have a list of useful links and telephone numbers on this thread...

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=38701

The thing is that when you are at your lowest then the only direction you can go is up..... it may take a while but it will happen, cuddle your baby and let them give you the inspiration you need to keep yourself going day by day.

[pulisa]

Katie, you will always have support on here but you need someone who can assess just how badly your tinnitus is affecting you in real life too. Life can be very stressful with a new baby, even more so when you are battling frustrating and debilitating health conditions at the same time.
You're not at the end of the road although you feel you are. You are just worn down with coping with it all. xx

[KatiePink]

Thankyou all for your replies, i am going to call and book a doctors appointment on Monday and let them know how i've been, and if that means medication then so be it, i can't carry on like this.
Yes i definitely had post natal depression, that improved a lot after 5-6 weeks, but i am definitely depressed and more anxious than ever before.

Chronic stress & anxiety has caused my jaw and neck problems, my right SCM muscle that runs down from behind your ear to collar bone is causing me so many problems, pressure feelings in my face and constant tightness that im trying to fix. My pulsatile tinnitus is just aconstant reminder of my mortality hearing my heart beat away every second of the day and i cannot for the life of me relax. I'm in a constant highly anxious state, i really need help to get my body and mind to relax x

[Scass]

I’m really pleased you’re resolved to go and see your GP on Monday. Show them what you wrote here if you can’t find the words.
Dealing with a baby is hard at the best of times.
We are here xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[KatiePink]

I’m really pleased you’re resolved to go and see your GP on Monday. Show them what you wrote here if you can’t find the words.
Dealing with a baby is hard at the best of times.
We are here xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thankyou, she's the reason i'm still here for sure, she melts my heart and definitely gives me the strength to get through each day! She deserves more though, a happy mum X

[Buster70]

Hi there , this is a temporary situation and feeling , it can definitely get better , Ive been in the dark pit on so many occasions and come through , that person you used to be is still in there you just have to find her again .
My kids kept me going the first time around and my grandkids keep me hanging around now , my 7 year old granddaughter said to me today " when I'm 40 you'll be 80 " after pause thinking shit that's old I said I might not be around by then but I'll do my best to get there , she smiled held my hand and we carried on walking the dogs , when you feel you've had enough and can't take anymore you find the strength in them .
Good luck with getting some good help , ps I also have tinnitus which gets worse when my anxiety is high , it's always there but sometimes I don't notice it .
Take care .

[pulisa]

I agree with all that Buster says. Your daughter will give you a reason to carry on and do all you can to manage your anxiety and to get better, which you will. It won't always be like this. Symptoms do magnify when anxiety is acute and unrelenting-it's hardly surprising that this happens but it scares you senseless and makes life very challenging. See what your GP says and don't hold back if he/she attempts to downplay what you are going through. Please let us know how you get on and how you are? xx