Originally Posted by
Carlton
Yes....it was a bit of a crisis. I can't seem to stop it from happening periodically. I feel a bit calmer now, but I am also suffering with an ear infection and sinusitis, stemming from a nagging cold. All told, I feel pretty miserable. I just went to my walk-in clinic last night since my ear was clogged completely, and prescribed an antibiotic. Hopefully that will knock this sickness out soon. It's been nearly two weeks dealing with it. Caught from my daughter, who got over it much more quickly, as did my wife.
Meanwhile, in the urinary symptom front, I have an appointment scheduled for Friday 12/14, for a follow-up consult with my urologist.
He already messaged me back after I had sent him a message, saying that he felt "very reassured" by my tests done in September. He added that he would agree to schedule another cystoscopy, with the addition of a retrograde pyelogram during the procedure, in the near future, as he put it. This has me somewhat confused and worried. Is he saying he will do this just because I am showing anxiety? Or is he really troubled by the recurrence and wants to look again? I will have to wait until next Friday's appointment to ask him in person. He also said that his office just doesn't like doing Cytology, and he does have 20 years plus doing this. Nor do the other doctors in his practice. His quote was "accuracy is poor". He much prefers just trusting the cysto.
So here we are. I cannot even schedule a cysto until after the 1st of the year, according to their scheduler, which will put me past the reboot date for my health insurance deductible, meaning it will cost me a lot. Maybe $1,000 out of pocket, or somewhere near it. I am scared to death of getting another one, as I handled the last one very poorly.
I am both afraid of the procedure, and what they might find, and as with the last time, also afraid that if they find nothing, and the symptoms keep recurring, that I won't be comforted. Visible blood hasn't appeared since 11/14 now. I am still anxious every time I go to the bathroom.
Maybe I should just walk away? If I die, I die. I am so tired of dealing with all of this. We all die anyway. There is no escaping it, and every single day is closer to that fact, that reality. I feel so depressed right now.