Long Post - Have to get this out of my head!

[swajj]

I read your threads. Don't think I ever posted on them though. Glad you are feeling stronger. Can I ask if you feel it has helped staying away from NMP?

[pulisa]

I'm really pleased that you have a firm check on your HA, Kathryn. You have put a lot of hard work into understanding how it can take a hold but equally you have the skills to be able to manage it successfully.

[Kathryn313]

It definitely helped to break the cycle of posting on here and interacting but only at the point when I felt that was the next habit to break. Being able to Use this space safely and supportively was an absolute godsend in the beginning. It was the only place I could write my thoughts and be understood and also as I was coming out the other side I could see how common our experiences are and the true pattern of HA. So many familiar names still posting and still seeking reassurance and more importantly still alive, there fears from last summer not realised.

My reason for logging on today is to do a bit of formal CBT as I can feel myself getting a little more anxious again, started with a tooth cracking, now it is getting achy so I have booked an appointment with my dentist next Tuesday but this has led to a bit of checking behaviour of my mouth when then leads to querying the geographic al tongue, then a light light to see better, then the 'I wonder if it has always looked like that' moments. So to stop that escalation I felt the need to stop, write down my reflections and move on. So this is that bit. I don't need reassurance in response.

I don't want to start a new thread because this one tells my story.

How are you guys doing?

[pulisa]

Great that you can put a check on these little HA voices of doubt. Nothing like being logical and in control to stop them in their tracks. I hope the cracked tooth isn't too expensive to sort out. The dentist will always take a cursory look round your mouth to spot any oral lesions as part of the treatment so no point in doing it yourself now.
You've done so well in managing your HA positively and successfully x

[Kathryn313]

Lump in my groin on the right hand side, I have recently had an infection so I suspect a reactive lymph node but I must confess I don’t really know where my lymph nodes actually are, so it could be anything!! It’s about 1cm and feels like a cyst but has no head to it. Came up two days ago.

I did just have a quick google but shut it down quickly and came here instead.
I am away for a couple of weeks soon, if it is still there on my return or gets bigger I will head to the GP.

[pulisa]

That's a logical and sensible reaction and approach, Kathryn. Waiting is hard but in view of the infection the GP would give you this advice too.

[swgrl09]

I'm glad you shut down google!! That takes strength! Also try not to poke too much. That can make them swell.

[Kathryn313]

It was just a spot! All gone now...I am just So busy at work at the moment and can feel myself stressing out.

I had a night out drinking and dancing last night and at 3am I woke in agony, pain radiating down my back, through my shoulders, I couldn’t stretch it out or shake it off, could only sleep on my back for short periods of time, sleeping on my side was a complete no go. Am now worried the same will happen tonight! And I will start to spiral into thinking all kinds of things. Thinking all sorts of things but know it is probably indigestion...but it really did ache/hurt...took my tears at one point :(

[Kathryn313]

After a reread of my thread - I wanted a quick update here instead of a new thread. The tender sensation I have on my right side has been referred to in here so I wanted to link it all.

I have some intermittent tenderness on my right hand side, just at the bottom of my rib cage and around my waistline. I have resisted any googling and know if I get genuinely worried I should go the doctor but I am a bit embarrassed to go the doctor as I haven’t lost any weight in the last 6 month, despite agreeing with the doctor I would look towards getting to a healthy BMI. I did get the little blue pills (not those ones!), oralistat but it turns my stools very light. She tested everything and all came back fine, expect for one result that was borderline and I didn’t ask much about. My HA was under control then.

I am back to thinking a liver or kidney problem (belief in this about 20%). I have an appointment with my CBT therapist lined up for a few weeks time, last appointment was over a year ago.

Still alive

[pulisa]

Always a good idea to have a CBT "top-up" from a professional if you are feeling a bit wobbly and I'm sure between you you will be able to formulate a plan to monitor the tenderness without allowing your HA to take a hold.