Fixated on going blind, life is hopeless.

[Fishmanpa]

I feel awful everyday and Im also angry at myself for wasting my life away like this :(

Instead of being angry at yourself for absolutely no reason, perhaps it's more constructive to seek real life professional help for your anxiety

Positive thoughts

[AMomentofClarity]

Instead of being angry at yourself for absolutely no reason, perhaps it's more constructive to seek real life professional help for your anxiety

Positive thoughts

This x10. You’ll thank yourself every day for it.

[ankietyjoe]

Thank you for your reply and Im sorry for being irrational, but the fear is so real in my head and its constantly beating myself up for my past... I feel awful everyday and Im also angry at myself for wasting my life away like this :(

Try and ditch the guilt. It's an emotion that mostly serves no purpose.

Your life right now is what it is, and any decision you made were made to suit what you needed at the time.

The most important thing you can do right now is accept the past, accept that you're not going to go blind because of anything you've already done, and try and live in the moment. Take things one minute at a time, and use mindfulness to enjoy that one minute you're currently in.

[lscmich]

I feel bad for venting out again but if i don’t i might explode and end it all soon.

I am not really seeking for reassurance but simply putting my thoughts out there, as I’ve said in the past 2 years I have been living in hell, i beat myself up everyday for maintaining a bad habit (using my phone before bed in the dark) in my teenage years. I was naive and did not know the consequences, addicted to my phone like any other kids are.

Now that I’m a bit older (im 21) I’ve started to focus more on my health and future. Since then I have been plagued with heavy regrets and extreme horror that I will get glaucoma or other eye disease that leads to blindness soon. I can’t stop the thought that I won’t be able to see my parents grow old, and I cry everday on bed, re-living the past and wish I could change my actions.

If I go blind, it’s entirely my fault, and i think this is the most devastating bit as it is a situation that could be avoided. I can’t see my future, everything I do in life seems meaningless, can’t sleep can’t eat and its driving me insane.

I’ve been to the opthamologist at least 3 times, they say my eyes look fine. Yes I do trust them but my brain tells me I will go blind one day; maybe not now but a few years later, and then I start to panic all over again.

I’ve seen your comments and I promise I will get help soon. I just want to live a happy life, i am 21, I should be having fun, but why do I feel like everything is doomed? I’m exhausted and I hate myself so much.

[Fishmanpa]

Tale a look at your previous thread. Lots of reassurance and advice there.

Positive thoughts

[nomorepanic]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

[lucymarie]

If blindness was easily caused my phone usage at night, most of the Western population would be blind or atleast have rapidly increasing eye damage. However, it doesn’t matter how many times people say that to you, you still won’t believe it because that’s what our HA does to us. If you’ve had an eye check and there’s no issue, then the next step is getting some treatment for your anxiety, only then will you be able to move on with your life.

[lscmich]

If blindness was easily caused my phone usage at night, most of the Western population would be blind or atleast have rapidly increasing eye damage. However, it doesn’t matter how many times people say that to you, you still won’t believe it because that’s what our HA does to us. If you’ve had an eye check and there’s no issue, then the next step is getting some treatment for your anxiety, only then will you be able to move on with your life.

Thank you for your reply, yes I should get help for my anxiety but i just feel like it’s a viscious cycle of convincing myself that if I didn’t have this habit of using my phone in the dark, i wouldn’t have to deal with this extreme anxiety, then I go back to hating myself and drowning regret. I know it might sound crazy to you but I can’t help it, my brain won’t give me another option and I kept spiralling out of control and fixate on the worst outcomes. I hate this

[Fishmanpa]

Thank you for your reply, yes I should get help for my anxiety but......

This is an internet forum. Words on a screen. You've gotten advice. Either take it or continue to hate what your anxiety is doing to you. We could tell you 100X that your thoughts/fears are irrational but it's up to you to get to the point of believing it. When facts and reality don't make a dent, it's time for real life professional help. We're telling you the sky is blue but you're convinced it's green.

Positive thoughts

[jray23]

Ask yourself: What evidence do I have to support my theory of going blind or getting glaucoma? Is there any?

You will say that the evidence is using your phone at night. But really that is evidence AGAINST your theory, otherwise I would be blind as would about 3 billion other people already. Weigh whatever actual factual evidence that you have to support your fear against the factual evidence that runs counter to your fear.

Now what IS true, using your phone in the dark at night isn't a great habit, it does interfere with getting good sleep a bit (I say that as I type this out...on my phone...in the dark in bed...lol) so if you have stopped doing so you can feel good about taking a good step towards better sleep which will help your health and you've taken a big step in self-control. But it does not make anyone go blind.

You wrote, "but i just feel like it’s a viscious cycle of convincing myself that if I didn’t have this habit of using my phone in the dark, i wouldn’t have to deal with this extreme anxiety,". I don't believe this is true. My experience with anxiety is that it really doesn't matter what the topic of fear is, if you didn't have the phone thing it would manifest in some other way. So don't beat yourself up over using the phone so much. You'd probably still have extreme anxiety and would be fearful of some other bogeyman. The thing to do is to treat the anxiety itself.

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