Had unprotected sex (twice) now I'm freaking out I might have caught HIV

[woaidelrey]

Unprotected sex is never a good idea with someone you don't know we'll or you don't fully trust with. Generally the chances of contracting any STD is pretty slim with one single encounter, especially for HIV, it's even less. But I completely understand your fear because I have been in the same boat many times and I never had unprotected sex... Unfortunately you just have to wait to get the tests to get over this :( plus, a 6 weeks HIV test is considered conclusive for today's test, you don't have to wait three months!

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[crazygal]

Unprotected sex is never a good idea with someone you don't know we'll or you don't fully trust with. Generally the chances of contracting any STD is pretty slim with one single encounter, especially for HIV, it's even less. But I completely understand your fear because I have been in the same boat many times and I never had unprotected sex... Unfortunately you just have to wait to get the tests to get over this :( plus, a 6 weeks HIV test is considered conclusive for today's test, you don't have to wait three months!

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Yeah I know it was a bad idea having unprotected sex with this guy. I just keep thinking how reckless I was. I never thought I would be the type to have done something so careless. Just so afraid that something is going to show up on the test.

The fact the guy ghosted me is making me more worried he had something.

[jray23]

First of all, just try and relax a little. Like the person above just wrote, chances from a single unprotected encounter are rare. Still though, it is always smart to use protection and also don't trust us guys, a lot of us are jerks although it would take a special kind of jerk to lie about STD's! (illegal actually, I think)

You would definitely want to get tested in due time so that you can br aware of your health status and correctly inform the next partner (anyone who is sexually active with new partners should be tested annually), but don't fret. And HIV is really the one that would be a concern (although also not a death sentence anymore), but super super rare, you don't have to worry about it. Even herpes would be a low chance, but herpes really isn't that huge of a deal as in it wouldn't ruin your chances of having a family or anything that you mentioned. I don't know where you live but here in the US something like 10% of people have the genital version (and almost everyone has the oral version as it can be transmitted in other ways than sex). Many don't even know they have it apparently! Heck at my last physical the doctor didn't even bother to test me for herpes as part of the STD panel.

As for God being vengeful and punishing you, I can understand those thoughts as I came from a deeply religious upbringing and veered into the "moderate" realm like most of society as I went out on my own and would think things like that too for a little bit. If anything really we're the ones punishing ourselves by bogging ourselves down with distorted thinking! While I do still believe in God it's clear that He doesn't sit around waiting to strike people with literal or figurative lightning, we are already meant to screw up and He would know that, we're only human anyway!

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[MyNameIsTerry]

a lot of us are jerks although it would take a special kind of jerk to lie about STD's! (illegal actually, I think)

Yep, there are cases of prosecutions in cases of HIV. Thankfully it's very rare and should be filed in the same very rare category as all other anxiety based thoughts.

---------- Post added at 02:44 ---------- Previous post was at 02:30 ----------

The fact the guy ghosted me is making me more worried he had something.

Isn't it more likely he was just looking for his fun and wasn't as interested in who it was with than you are? Or maybe he put less on this than you did? If he hasn't had the same moral boundaries to sex it could be he just doesn't think it's that important.

Religion is a tricky one with mental health, in my opinion. There is much in religion that is based on having a lack of facts and accepting grey areas but some of this overlaps into the problems we experience in our anxiety such as Magical Thinking.

In OCD religion is a known theme some experience where thoughts of persecution or inappropriate (even sexual) thoughts about holy figures are experienced. Just having those thoughts then is bound to bring in thoughts about how someone has sinned for something they can't even control.

But is the focus wrong here? Well, isn't it a far greater thing to leave a religion and decide you know longer believe in it/which god, than to break a much more minor rule in a doctrine? So, is this thought purely anxiety trying to upset you and the skewed thinking isn't seeing the bigger picture in terms of punishment? Hence doesn't that make it quite irrational thinking?

Leaving your religion and starting to experience things that normally were not allowed is obviously not only about those values & teachings but about learning about yourself in the process. So, in this case we have something you found you enjoyed but, whilst not any form of consequence for that, you just came across someone who didn't feel as strongly and it has upset you?

You've left a massive part of your life behind. And more really when you think about how our morals are often driven or intertwined as well as our culture. You end up needing to decide where these now sit and what you believe is right for you. That's going to be trial & error in many ways.

What I'm trying to say is anxiety will do what it always does and try to skew your thoughts away into areas you would normally consider illogical and just dismiss. And that you are learning about yourself which I believe will mean you are more judgemental of yourself when you need to learn to allow yourself mistakes and be less hard on yourself.

[WiseMonkey]

I've made a previous thread before about fearing having HIV after having two sexual encounters ( with the same person) unprotected. He told me he was clean, but I never trust people's words.

What really scares me is the guy ghosted me after the 2nd time we have unprotected sex. Now people ghost people all the time. But I have a huge imagination and the anxiety doesn't help. Like I worry maybe he ghosted me because he's like some sicko who likes infecting women with HIV or herpes.


I finally have the money to get a full STD panel done (full panel STD testing is around $300 where I live). So I'm going Wednesday to get it done.

But I'm so worried about what the results are going to be. How will I ever have a relationship and have a family of my own if I have something incurable like HIV or herpes.

I'm literally shaking as I read this.

I'm especially worried because I just met a great guy and things are going really well with us. If I have something incurable, he probably won't want to be with me as he badly wants kids. We won't be able to have kids if I have HIV or herpes.

Another worry of mine is that I've given up my faith (Islam) 6 months ago. For the most part I don't believe in religion or God anymore. But there is still a small part of me that has that fear of punishment from God.

Like I worry God is going to punish me for having sex by giving me an STD.

Any advice on how to keep myself calm until I get my blood results back?

A lot of your worries are to do with guilt over having sex. Many of us have been where you are now, having had unprotected sex. The chances of you having HIV is negligible. Many STD's have nothing to do with unprotected sex, you can get them even using condoms eg HPV (wart virus). 80% of sexually active people carry this virus in their system.

Where did you get the idea that people with herpes can't have relationships and children? Many people have contracted herpes, often from a husband or wife, so it has very little to do with unprotected or casual sex. Most people with genital herpes have perfectly healthy births.

Fortunately (as mentioned above), the new rapid test HIV Ag/Ab Combo, which is a finger pin prick, can give you an accurate result in 28 days. They always do a follow up test at the 3 month mark as a matter of course. Gone are the days when we had to wait 3 months to have a single blood test.

Try to relax and think logically about your worries and take the judgments, (religious or other-wise) out of the equation. Good luck with the STD tests then book in for the rapid HIV test in a week or so.

Let us know how you get on, take care x

[crazygal]

Ok, I was able to go and get a test today. All the results came back negative thankfully.

I feel like a weight has been removed from my shoulders.

But unfortunately thoughts of lab mix up popped in my head. But hopefully I'm able to keep those thoughts at bay.

[WiseMonkey]

Ok, I was able to go and get a test today. All the results came back negative thankfully.

I feel like a weight has been removed from my shoulders.

But unfortunately thoughts of lab mix up popped in my head. But hopefully I'm able to keep those thoughts at bay.

Great news now you can relax. I'm glad you are getting the idea of 'a lab mix up' out of your head. So now you just have to get the follow up done at 3 months. This is just a formality they do with the test.

For future reference, if you get an HIV test at an AIDS clinic, they do the test in front of you and the results are available in 20 mins