Back after several years

[Lana]

I have been a long time various stomach/IBS ailments sufferer. But I have not posted for a very long time - I was in therapy on and off, on various antidepressants, visiting all kinds of doctors. In January 2016 I had double high risk antibiotics for sinus infection, which was misdiagnosis, by urgent care idiot. Late February came down with C Diff infection, was treated successfully and relatively fast, considering how horrible this intestinal bacterium can be. However, my stomach troubles never really stopped completely, I took all kinds of probiotics, visited numerous GIs, and they all said Postinfectious IBS , worsened due to change in stomach flora...Had good days too, and , at various point, felt very good indeed. And then, several months ago, my stomach pain kind of changed, and now it is alternating all the time between D and C - never really know what will happen in the bathroom in the morning. Food does not seem to affect that, because sometimes I would eat the exact same thing that gave me no problems, and would end up with cramps and D. Anxiety starting slowly creeping up, and at this point I am scared to death from either colon or ovarian cancer. In the last couple of months lost several pounds too, but, my food intake is much smaller then before ( scared to eat, basically), and I am in the state of constant fear. I had early colonoscopy 11 years ago which was normal and negative, and my GI said it is time for new one, and I am scared of that too (after C Diff you are scared of everything related to further changing of gut microbiota). Also scared of colonoscope not being properly sterilized. Now my GP ( that I love), ordered new Cologuard test. Of course I am dreading doing it and waiting for the results, nut- I have to do something, I cannot go on like this. Mind focused on the stomach all the waking hours. My complete blood work and metabolic panel were done in March 2016, due to C DIff, and everything, even with the infection going on, was normal. Since then 4 GIs examined me with hands and say everything feels normal, but - I am due for a colonoscopy. I wish I could not be this scared all the time, it has absolutely taken my life away. Sorry for the long post, and just wanted to exchange some words with some of you guys. I am also over 50 so , many things can be really bad...Sigh

[samina77]

Hi Lana,

I'm sorry you're not feeling good. I think anxiety about tests is completely normal - "scanxiety" the good thing is, you are being proactive and getting tested which is great. Plus I'm sure you know that anxiety can wreak havoc on your insides. You have an explanation why you're not eating - anxiety. It's also a good sign that the doctor couldn't feel anything when doing a manual check. I'm sure you'll be fine. I know how you feel, next week I'm going for my first colonoscopy and I'm starting to freak out but trying really hard to counteract this with the satisfaction of knowing how things are inside my colon.

Wish you all the best and keep us posted with how the Cologuard goes and what it entails.

Sxxx

[Lana]

Dear Samina77, thank you so much for those wonderful words. I will keep you guys posted. In general, the last 4 months were in many ways horrible, and what keeps on happening to me is that all of a sudden I get this incredible sadness and fear swelling up inside me, and I must start crying - does not matter if I am in the street, at work, in a store...It feels like this enormous dark cloud of fear ,and darkness and death creeping up ... I am total wreck..In addition, 2 days ago, I had out of nowhere muscle spasm ( I at least think that it what it was, cause I was taking some hampers of laundry down the stairs). It was very painful, and then less, but now it radiates into my left breast, and if I take a deep breath, it hurts inside. But, then I think: how many cancers can one have? Oh God, the fear is taking my life away. Good to have good understanding people to talk to, though.

[samina77]

I know it's easier said than done but that horrible feeling, is just that - a feeling, it isn't connected to any kind of reality, it's just a feeling.

(I know it's not easy to detach from it as I suffer this too, like a feeling of impending doom, I know how horrible and debilitating it is).

I also know that I have wasted so much time just dwelling on that feeling instead of getting out and doing stuff and focusing on what's important.

Are you able to maybe go and do a few sessions with a therapist? It might help.

All the best,
Sxx