I dont know how to deal with this

[willieverbefree]

Several months ago I ended a 4 year relationship with my bf after discovering his serial cheating...I met him some time after my marriage unexpectedly ending ( due to my husbands affair and getting her pregnant)..I was foolish enough to trust this man and I did/gave so much to him.. I have been going through hell and struggling with health anxiety ( I have a fear of HIV) - my tests are negative ( but the anxiety is still there) I feel sick that he lied/cheated and pulled the wool over my eyes, and I really did not think he was like that.. I dont know where to go with all the thoughts/fears going around in my head - it feels like hell everyday.. I have just longed for the normal stuff...I have thought of ending it all on many occasions - I know that no one can take all this away - I wish they could

[digitalpandit]

Hi willieverbefree,

Please understand this situation of yours is temporary. Ending your life is not the solution. First of all, kindly start exercising daily - be it running, any combat sport. Something that accelerates your heart rate. Mistakes happen. You would make them again. Sadly, that's is the only way we learn. Kindly consult a Therapist ASAP. Trust me, it will help you alot.
Also, test your fears against reason. If you tested negative and you still have doubts, you may go for a retest at a different clinic. But not beyond that. End your doubts after the result of the retest.
Please remember only you can help yourself and you are powerful enough to do it.
Only you hold the key to your happiness.

[willieverbefree]

Thank you for your reply, what you have said makes sense - sometimes everything just becomes overwhelming, the thoughts, fears, sadness,betrayal and disappointments etc..Its difficult to see a way forward or a future and feel/be happy and not worrying..I do have days when I try so hard to feel/be positive - but there has been so much difficult stuff to overcome , feels like climbing mountains and get so far and fall back down again.. I will take what you have said onboard and again thank you

[Suziewuzie]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I strongly urge you to seek counselling of some sort if you haven't already - I recently went through a difficult breakup and trying to deal with that on top of battling anxiety was very difficult. Although I'm not 'fixed' yet, having counselling has really helped me to make sense of all the thoughts in my head and think a little more clearly. I can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed and I really didn't know how to even start feeling 'normal' a few weeks ago but I am now having days where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My counsellor sometimes says very little while I sit and cry at her, and sometimes she gives me excellent advice and coping methods. It's really, really worth trying x

[willieverbefree]

Thank you Suzie - I have sought counselling, still feels like early days and not a quick process- I have days when I just cry on and off and feels relentless at times

[Suziewuzie]

Definitely not a quick process but I think in time you will feel the benefits. It's OK to have days where you cry, at least I'm doing the same and everyone tells me it's Ok?! You feel how you feel, and it takes as long as it takes - these feelings won't last forever but I know that right now there doesn't seem to be a way out of them. It sounds like you've had a very emotional 'up and down' time and it will take time and patience to get back to normal. Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you're doing better than you think x

[willieverbefree]

Thank you Suzie - I live on my own and there has been so much emotional turmoil, I made the big mistake of getting involved with someone ( after my marriage ended) - turned out he was not quite who/what I thought he was and took me several years to realise it all - I struggle terribly with the health anxiety aspect, and now not only have the anx ( re HiV) but the realisation he was not what/who I thought he was.. Just hoping that I will get through all this somehow - have days when I just feel that there is little or no hope, but will keep on with the counselling