I am completely alone

[Rugrat]

My son in law was in hospital with pneumonia and all he get's is complete understanding and Sympathy he is really ill he will be rushed straight back to the hospital if he has problems again
And i can see and hear the deferent's in attitude from my family

I have health anxiety
I got no understanding and no sympathy
I felt like i wanted to kill myself or get myself put in to hospital i was feeling so bad
I was just left in bed and my wife would come in to the room and ask if i wanted tea are coffee once a day apart from that she would not talk to me and i would try and sleep to get away from my own thoughts

mental illness is something that has to be hidden if anyone phoned they were told i was in bed and that's all my nephew even said he thought he would go in to suicide mode like me because his gym is closed for a few weeks they think it is so simple
And i am really completely alone and always will be what should i do leave them all ?

[beauty2010]

Nobody really understands unless they have been through it themselves and they probably just want you to 'snap out of it'.
Being angry with them will do no good and will make you feel worse and use up precious energy. They do love you, but in their own way - they just don't 'get it'.
Use what energy you have to try to get better and get support from people who do understand.
Hugs
B

[LAURA48]

Hi - beauty is right - it is such a hidden illness. My nephew came round the other day I was not in and he said to my dad is Auntie Laura poorly - she doesn't make me laugh anymore, what is the matter she looks unhappy.

I asked my dad what he had said and basically yes - thinks it's a bit of stress since her dog died - ladies are like that! He wasn't being funny - my dad is old school - basically his attitude is we all get down from time to time but we have to get out of it - he doesn't understand.

People are getting better with accepting mental health problems as there is so much about it, but it is still a bit taboo.

My next door neighbour said to me the other day "hey haven't seen you around in a while - how are you"? and I could not come out with the words anxiety and depression!! Said under a bit of stress! if only!

I know you just want to go to bed and sleep to escape the misery - I get up in the morning and think can't wait till I come back later"!

Not on your own Laura

[Rugrat]

thank you for your replies
I am feeling better today about it all i said to me wife you don't understand do you
And she said NO
So i printed out all the 11 pages from the front of the health anxiety forum and she read it
and i know she still does not understand she even had a panic attack herself once and i have said remember that time i called the ambulance for you and they said you were having a panic attack
she says yes she can just about remember it i say to her well that's how i feel most days and she says
HO but i still know she has not got any idea what i am talking about or how i feel

[teez]

trouble with this illness as others have said it cant be seen really,,its not something you wear plaster over like a broken limb,,its not like heart attacks, cancer,,but like those illness,s we get broken and im afraid only ourselves can put us back together,,ive been like you spent my days hiding away on my bed to scared to move,,i was so alone id look out my bedroom window just to see someone walk past,,life,,
even trying to go down the stairs would make my heart missbeat or race,,if i did manage it id do what i had to then run back to the shelter of my bed,,its lonely , self distructive even,,
but you can turn it around its not easy and will take much strength ,faith in yourself and trust,,trust in yourself you can beat this,,from a lady who clung to her bed or bedroom for ten years ,,i got a serious illness had to go into hospital have an op on my tummy but after that for some reason i found the power to leave my house and live a normal life,,i had a huge blip four years ago after another op and found myself struggling again,, i take each day as it comes ,,some days i can go out and too all the world im me again ,,others im scared of my own shadow i wake shaking go to bed shaking,,but even on my worst days where every thing i do is such an effort i make myself do the things im scared of,,its not easy im bone tired,,my fears have got far worse but like an attacking dog i know if i run its gonna chase me ,,so im standing an facing it,, your time will come you will stop running,,but dont bank on others helping you only you can face your demons. slowly dont expect it all at once,,some days you,ll do three paces forward six back,,but the ones back are learning curves ,,start right from the begining get up get dressed washed,,do something small make your self a cuppa ,,anything to move away from that bed even for minutes,,im the biggest coward but i know i let this illness do this to me and im the one whose got to control it,,if i can you can and will, stay strong and you,ll surprise yourself x

[kittikat]

Hi Rugrat....so sorry to hear how you are feeling and that you are 'misunderstood' by others. It's not just a case of HA, irrational anxieties in themselves manifest in different ways in different people. Therefore, in my opinion (and please correct me if I am wrong) you have an anxiety disorder which has caused you HA and you also sound quite depressed. Mine has caused agoraphobia. But it's all connected to anxiety. It is real and yes, it is a 'mental' illness which others cannot see and therefore cannot understand. To a point, you must excuse their ignorance and maybe being a little more open about how it is affecting you will be a good start. I hid away behind my anxieties for a few years and people thought I was anti-social, lazy and nonchalant. This was so far from the truth, but I was embarrassed to reveal my inner insecurities and anxieties. I made a decision to be more open about my issues and 'educate' those closest to me. I have found this to be quite liberating. My friends and family are much more supportive and trying to understand. Although they don't always 'get me' they do try. You don't say if you are on meds or having any therapy to help you with this....perhaps your wife could attend the doctors with you to discuss? My partner has been coming with me and is 'learning' about my condition as we go through it together. It has been hard for him at times, but I never seek sympathy, just a basic understanding and a little support when I am having a bad time. Maybe you need to re-think your approach to how you would like others to 'see' you. It's not easy to show that vulnerability but sometimes I believe you need to in order to move forward. I hope my comments do not offend you in any way, it's just my opinion and has helped me immensely to be more open and honest.

I do wish you well and hope you can take some solace from knowing that people here DO understand and can hopefully offer you some support and advice to help you through this. Please take care and try stay positive, it really doesn't have to be this bad for you. Good luck.

Kitti

[Stormsky]

hi,
i totally get that our partners/family dont understand our illness.... i can recall being the same with a friend many years ago, she suffered severe depression, and i could not understand it at all...... unless youve suffered you just dont realise how debilitating it is.... at least with a broken bone, it heals within so many weeks.....
my hubby doesnt talk to me about my anxiety, he doesnt know what to say, but if i want to approach him at any time, i know he would try and help....but basically i choose not to talk that much about it with anyone... because i guess from my past experience of how i was, i know that non sufferers will never truly understand, and thats fine...
ive spent many a day in bed all day... my hubbys just left me to it... he never moans about it, but doesnt give me any sympathy either!
I decided that only I could help myself, so picked myself up, and decided to live in the real world, instead of my head all the time.... so now i get up every day, whether i want to or not, i distract myself by doing things in the house, or going out food shopping, walking dogs, exercise etc... Distraction is key to stoping the negative thinking all day.... its hard to be motivated i know, but no one else is going to help you ....
I dont take meds anymore either, just vit B, a good diet ,lots of water and exercise... So no you are not completely alone, you now have everyone on this forum to help you! We'll kick you into shape...
Have a read of the below link..ref advice to partners...

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/advice_to_partners.html

[Rugrat]

I grow up with a stepfather that hated me and i knew that to show any sort
of weakness was wrong it was so bad that when i got epilepsy at age 14 i did not tell
anyone i was ill at first the fits were small ones that effected only the left side of my body
so if anyone saw me i got away with it by saying i had cramp in the arm or leg
in the end the fits got worse and one night i fell unconscious at home a doctor was
called who lived nearby and he said i should see my own doctor the next day
after that all i can remember is my stepfather screaming at me how many finger he
was holding up my sister told me the fits would not stop and i was in hospital
for 2 weeks as the years went by my mother would lie to me and say she had seen the doctor
and i should cut down on my drugs and then the fits would start again she did it 3 or 4 times
and each time i would try and hide them from everyone including my family until they got
so bad i could not hide them anymore and i fell unconscious then the drugs would be put up again
when i started work if people saw me have a fit they would run away and then make them self's
feel better by taking the Mickey out of me i started work in a factory without telling them i had
epilepsy and i was using machines i should not have i saw a works doctor and told him i had epilepsy
the next time i went to work i was told not to go near the machines and then it started again people
asking why i cannot use the machines there was one man i thought i could trust and i told him
and straight away i saw him going from man to man telling them what was wrong with me so i walked out
and never went back i just stayed at home and then the holidays came and i was going
somewhere i cannot remember where with my family on holiday the farther we got away from home the worse
i felt until i was a screaming wreck my brother had to bring me home without knowing it i had got Agoraphobia
i just could not go out of the house i was like it for 5 years in the end i went to a Mental hospital
for a year as a outpatient i got over the Agoraphobia but ever since then i have been up and down with anxiety
sometimes it's the fear of fits that will come back sometimes the fear of going in to shops or just meeting people
in the last 2 years it seems to be health anxiety with a terror of cancer and a fear of having
a fit when i am driving that have taking over all i can do is take each day as it comes and try not to think about the fear