Afraid to be Happy?

[Jackrabbit]

Hi everyone,

I'm usually on the health anxiety board because most of the time that is what plagues me, but I do have my issues with general anxiety and depression. Its been a hellish past 2 years. . After so many personal struggles that really tested my mentality and morality, I can finally say that I can see a light. Ive been struggling to find a job right out of college, am a single parent, and have just been overall super anxious and depressed for a good while now. Well about a month ago, everything took a turn for the right. And when I say turn, I mean head jerking, tires screeching, hold on for your life type of turn. I managed to get an interview at the place that Ive been applying for since I got my degree (applied for about 200 jobs before this interview ). Long story short....I got the job! literally the day after the interview. It pays well, its exactly what I wanted. Great location. Just. Perfect.

I closed in on an apartment about a week ago in the exact area that I wanted. I can finally be able to afford the things that I want without having to ask for help. All is good. But as I'm starting to learn, anxiety and depression just don't disappear overnight. All of this happened SO FAST. After struggling for such awhile it seems almost like......its too good to be true? I don't know..I still feel like I'm in this dream. I am so thankful that this is happening after wanting it for so long. And I thank God. I guess now its just my mind is so used to being hijacked.

The anxiety is still there. I can feel it trying to claw its way in. Why don't our minds just let us be happy?

OK I guess my little spill sesh is over. Just wanted to know if anyone else had experience with this.



PS I am grateful for all of this. Don't want to sound or come across as an insensitive ungrateful tw*t.

[Rick(amateur)]

Hi Jackrabbit! I'm happy to hear things are going your way. It's never easy but life does reward those who persevere. As someone struggling in university and facing a lot of other issues in life, I'm really happy for you.

Now, I can understand if you start having these doubts. The funny thing is, after spending so much time struggling in life and dealing with horrible issues, we become really pessimistic and refuse to believe that our lives can improve. I'm sure you've met with many people suffering depression and anxiety who wonder if they'll ever get better or find happiness.

Of course, a sudden change in life, regardless positive or negative, can be overwhelming. There's a reason why so many people don't want change. It's not always easy to adjust to the changes so people prefer status quo. I honestly believe all this is a natural response to a series of changes that weren't what you expected. If anything, you're just being a normal human and not being an insensitive ungrateful person.

All I can suggest is to take a series of deep breaths and make a list of the things you must do. Keep yourself busy and get everything settled down. Once you got into the pace of your new life, you can then look back and pinch yourself then if you still think you're in a dream!

I wish you a smooth transition to a better life!

[Jackrabbit]

Hey Rick!

Thanks for the response and for the kind words! Its funny. I was actually feeling better since writing this and I've just started the relocation process this week. Everything was going really well but when I got back home today, something just sort of ....snapped. I felt my anxiety and anger sort of flaring and I lashed out on the people around me. Of course that didnt make me feel any better and I felt horrible after the fact. But your comment really stuck with me because I do think that I was feeling overwhelmed with everything. It was a great few days, but it was a lot. And after such a long time of being in such a funk and then suddenly everything going super well, I guess I got a little bit of "emotional whiplash". Thanks so much again for the words!

[RKJ]

Hi everyone,

I'm usually on the health anxiety board because most of the time that is what plagues me, but I do have my issues with general anxiety and depression. Its been a hellish past 2 years. . After so many personal struggles that really tested my mentality and morality, I can finally say that I can see a light. Ive been struggling to find a job right out of college, am a single parent, and have just been overall super anxious and depressed for a good while now. Well about a month ago, everything took a turn for the right. And when I say turn, I mean head jerking, tires screeching, hold on for your life type of turn. I managed to get an interview at the place that Ive been applying for since I got my degree (applied for about 200 jobs before this interview ). Long story short....I got the job! literally the day after the interview. It pays well, its exactly what I wanted. Great location. Just. Perfect.

I closed in on an apartment about a week ago in the exact area that I wanted. I can finally be able to afford the things that I want without having to ask for help. All is good. But as I'm starting to learn, anxiety and depression just don't disappear overnight. All of this happened SO FAST. After struggling for such awhile it seems almost like......its too good to be true? I don't know..I still feel like I'm in this dream. I am so thankful that this is happening after wanting it for so long. And I thank God. I guess now its just my mind is so used to being hijacked.

The anxiety is still there. I can feel it trying to claw its way in. Why don't our minds just let us be happy?

OK I guess my little spill sesh is over. Just wanted to know if anyone else had experience with this.



PS I am grateful for all of this. Don't want to sound or come across as an insensitive ungrateful tw*t.

I can totally relate to how you feel. It takes hard work and lots of effort and energy to be happy. You don't sound ungrateful at all; you said you thank God for being where you are.

Congratulations on both the job and the new place! It just goes to show that luck is when hard work meets opportunity (or whatever the saying is, lol). It can be such a struggle, especially for me, to feel happy or even just content. The important thing is that you and your child/ren are happy, healthy, and taken care of. Everything else will fall into place. You deserve this, even if depression and anxiety are telling you otherwise!

[Jackrabbit]

I can totally relate to how you feel. It takes hard work and lots of effort and energy to be happy. You don't sound ungrateful at all; you said you thank God for being where you are.

Congratulations on both the job and the new place! It just goes to show that luck is when hard work meets opportunity (or whatever the saying is, lol). It can be such a struggle, especially for me, to feel happy or even just content. The important thing is that you and your child/ren are happy, healthy, and taken care of. Everything else will fall into place. You deserve this, even if depression and anxiety are telling you otherwise!

Yeah I moved in got a lot of things set up and I am pretty comfortable. I still have anxiety though...its annoying. For me its almost always physical : the shallow breathing, tingling, feeling heavy or like theres something on my chest. All of this goes away when Im not anxious mind you. I'm starting to wonder if it'll ever go away....

Just today while I was driving I started feeling it. It scared me a lot and made me think.."hmm maybe this isn't quite over".

I just want it to be. I want to go back to the way I used to feel before anxiety hit my life pretty much every day.

[horzen]

I don't know how people can affraid the happiness?

[breathefree]

I'm glad things are going well for you! I can definitely understand it being hard to take in, though, especially after battling depression and anxiety for a while. For myself, I've found there's always a part of my brain that is afraid to relax and be happy when good things happen – it's almost like I subconsciously believe that the second I allow myself to be happy I will jinx it and then things will get even worse. I think a lot of it comes back to the magical thinking that comes with anxiety and related disorders (if you have HA then I'm sure you're familiar with this). You can also just get used to things being difficult (or just get stuck in certain thinking patterns) and it takes a while to trust that good things do happen and that you're allowed to enjoy life too.

Congratulations on the job, and I hope things continue to go well for you! If you find it helpful, I'd recommend checking out the Headspace app and doing some meditation – they have a great section on accepting change that might be useful in your situation, and some of the meditation techniques might help when the anxiety flares up

[snowghost57]

Oh trust me I can relate Jackrabbit. I moved to another state 17 years ago to get away from an abusive man and provide a better environment for my daughter. I had 25 years experience in Health Care Administration. I couldn't buy a job. I worked as a security guard, a flagger, drove a truck (not a big one), I was fired from 2 jobs after 3 days, was told they didn't need me, the list goes on, I did it all, 4 years of college, ran out of money and I fell apart. No degree and in debt, I thought my world as I knew it had ended. I ended up working in fast food for 8 dollars an hour, 5am making breakfast. Two weeks ago, my dream job came along. I am deliriously happy. My youngest is expecting her first child, (months of drugs, losing jobs, almost killed in a car accident) She is now back on her feet. My oldest spent 16 years with a lousy man and had two children, a job for 12 years with no advancement, she now has moved, new man and new job. My family has been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Yes it is scary. I still have anxiety, but I breathe through it and stay focused. We can enjoy being happy and we can continue to be anxiety free, turn your anxiety into excitement! I'm happy for you.

[Jackrabbit]

Oh trust me I can relate Jackrabbit. I moved to another state 17 years ago to get away from an abusive man and provide a better environment for my daughter. I had 25 years experience in Health Care Administration. I couldn't buy a job. I worked as a security guard, a flagger, drove a truck (not a big one), I was fired from 2 jobs after 3 days, was told they didn't need me, the list goes on, I did it all, 4 years of college, ran out of money and I fell apart. No degree and in debt, I thought my world as I knew it had ended. I ended up working in fast food for 8 dollars an hour, 5am making breakfast. Two weeks ago, my dream job came along. I am deliriously happy. My youngest is expecting her first child, (months of drugs, losing jobs, almost killed in a car accident) She is now back on her feet. My oldest spent 16 years with a lousy man and had two children, a job for 12 years with no advancement, she now has moved, new man and new job. My family has been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Yes it is scary. I still have anxiety, but I breathe through it and stay focused. We can enjoy being happy and we can continue to be anxiety free, turn your anxiety into excitement! I'm happy for you.

Its crazy how all of that happens right?! Its almost surreal or too good to be true. But I'm starting to think that all of these things that happen to us are for a reason and its to make us the person we are today. Don't give up! Nothing comes from that. I think thats always something to remember. Congrats on everything that is going on with you! i'm so happy that all of that struggling turned out to pay off.

---------- Post added at 21:19 ---------- Previous post was at 21:18 ----------

I'm glad things are going well for you! I can definitely understand it being hard to take in, though, especially after battling depression and anxiety for a while. For myself, I've found there's always a part of my brain that is afraid to relax and be happy when good things happen – it's almost like I subconsciously believe that the second I allow myself to be happy I will jinx it and then things will get even worse. I think a lot of it comes back to the magical thinking that comes with anxiety and related disorders (if you have HA then I'm sure you're familiar with this). You can also just get used to things being difficult (or just get stuck in certain thinking patterns) and it takes a while to trust that good things do happen and that you're allowed to enjoy life too.

Congratulations on the job, and I hope things continue to go well for you! If you find it helpful, I'd recommend checking out the Headspace app and doing some meditation – they have a great section on accepting change that might be useful in your situation, and some of the meditation techniques might help when the anxiety flares up

Thanks so much! I'll definitely check that one out! and I am really starting to get used to it. I still have tension and anxiety but I'm learning to accept and deal with it as it comes.

---------- Post added at 21:20 ---------- Previous post was at 21:19 ----------

I don't know how people can affraid the happiness?

Its pretty simple actually. People are afraid of change or that the good things in their lives are too good for them. See the above convos

[snowghost57]

Well so many people tell me God has a plan. Its the waiting and struggling that I think that gets to us. Life is difficult however we have to realize nothing is permanent. Life will change for either the good or the bad. We have to realize to take one day at a time and do the best that we can with the power and strength we can find.