Not sure i want to live anymore

[BrendanMullan]

Not sure what to do anymore so thought i would come on here and maybe find someone to talk to.

My name is Brendan, 28 years old, suffered from Health Anxiety for nearly 2 years now.

Just at a point right now where i honestly don't know if it would be better just to be dead and leave all these bullshit symptoms behind.

Don't know if anyone will read this but i felt like posting it anyway to see if letting it off my chest will help in any way.

For around the past year and a half i have had really bad gas problems, constant wind breaking in my stomach/chest, burping all day.

Have always been too scared to visit doctors but finally had to last week. Around 5 weeks ago i felt a lumpy feeling on my neck, left side of my thyroid i think. Which of course has made my HA 100 times worse.

Doctor couldn't feel it at first but then did saying it was pea sized and in no way does she think it is the big C and that she thinks it is a lymph node. She knows i have HA so made an appointment with the hospital just to make sure, got that on the 5th Sep.

A couple other symptoms i have had for a while that i didn't tell the doctor about (will tell hospital though when im there)

Probably from the very start of my HA i have became, i think anyway, hyperaware of my heart beat. Whenever i lay down, i can feel it, or used to anyway.

Now i don't so much because i constantly shake my right leg 24/7, all day every day other than when im walking, even in bed i am shaking my leg to mask the feeling on my heart. Not sure if it's a habit or Restless Leg Syndrome at this point.

Another thing is, over the past year i have gotten really out of shape, not sure if that is due to the anxiety or not but it sure doesn't help. I'm around 5.10" and weight 13 1/2 stone. Can walk long distances no problem but soon as i walk up a hill and can feel my heart pumping, the major panic sets in.

Every morning when getting out of bed or getting up after lying down for a while i get this short 20 seconds of rapid heart beat and then it goes.

Constantly get brief 1 second moments of lightheadedness throughout the day.

Stomach always feels off after eating, probably something to do with the gas thing.

Most recently a buzzing sensation hear and there in the left foot.

Random side note: I do smoke cigs but never touched a drug in my life and never once drank alcohol.

So unbelievably sick of always having symptoms, just want to feel normal again like i did before all this, literally can't remember the last time i was happy. Just so messed up, Barely go out anymore, just stay on my computer most of the day and zone out into internet land.

Thanks to anybody who read it all and hope everyone is doing good.

[Sleepy]

Hello,
You’re the same age as my sons who both have anxiety issues, so I have tremendous sympathy for you. I myself have gone through periods od health anxiety.

I know the feeling when you are hyper-aware of everything going on in your body. We feel it should just get on and do its thing and we should be disengaged from its mechanics. When we’re not anxious we don’t notice the gurgling and twitching, and if we get out of breath on a walk, or feel light-headed occasionally, we just accept it and move on.

When anxiety runs high, we prod and poke ourselves and inspect and analyse every bodily function. There’s a news piece about someone with a brain tumour and I’ve been getting headaches: it’s a sign.

Maybe it’s come with age, or maybe my medication does it for me, but now, if I feel odd in any way, I think it’s probably nothing, I don’t fixate. Bodies have a way of sorting themselves out most of the time. If you worry about something going wrong, you will perceive a symptom. I have two elderly relatives who have had HA all their lives. They are in their 80s and 90s. They’ll outlive us all. If only they hadn’t wasted all that time thinking they were about to croak!

I hope you can find some relief from what you’re going through, and be able to enjoy being 28. Try to get out there. Distraction is a wonderful treatment.

Kind thoughts.

[BrendanMullan]

Hello,
You’re the same age as my sons who both have anxiety issues, so I have tremendous sympathy for you. I myself have gone through periods od health anxiety.

I know the feeling when you are hyper-aware of everything going on in your body. We feel it should just get on and do its thing and we should be disengaged from its mechanics. When we’re not anxious we don’t notice the gurgling and twitching, and if we get out of breath on a walk, or feel light-headed occasionally, we just accept it and move on.

When anxiety runs high, we prod and poke ourselves and inspect and analyse every bodily function. There’s a news piece about someone with a brain tumour and I’ve been getting headaches: it’s a sign.

Maybe it’s come with age, or maybe my medication does it for me, but now, if I feel odd in any way, I think it’s probably nothing, I don’t fixate. Bodies have a way of sorting themselves out most of the time. If you worry about something going wrong, you will perceive a symptom. I have two elderly relatives who have had HA all their lives. They are in their 80s and 90s. They’ll outlive us all. If only they hadn’t wasted all that time thinking they were about to croak!

I hope you can find some relief from what you’re going through, and be able to enjoy being 28. Try to get out there. Distraction is a wonderful treatment.

Kind thoughts.

Thanks for the reply, i appreciate it.

After a year and a half of just dealing with it myself i have finally started to visit doctors ect. Had a really bad panic attack recently where i had paramedics called out as was so scared because my heart was not slowing down, they done an ECG test on me and confirmed my heart was in perfect condition.

Also recently visited the ENT doctor about the thing on my neck, had an endscope put up my nose and down my throat and he does not feel or see anything that concerns him.

Finally, also had a blood test done where they checked my TSH (Thyroid) levels along with a bunch of other stuff (M.O.T) doctor called it, everything single thing came back normal.

The relief i feel is amazing, after thinking otherwise for so long it comes as a shock. As a HA sufferer though it does ponder the question, if i am all good then why do i get the symptoms? dizzy spells, hot spells, palpatations etc but those questions are for another day.

[Fishmanpa]

As a HA sufferer though it does ponder the question, if i am all good then why do i get the symptoms? dizzy spells, hot spells, palpatations etc but those questions are for another day.

The answer, although not what you may want to hear is, anxiety. Those symptoms are all anxiety symptoms. It's your body's reaction to what your mind perceives and the subsequent physiological responses (fight or flight response). Treating your anxiety will subsequently treat the symptoms associated with it.

Positive thoughts

[BrendanMullan]

The answer, although not what you may want to hear is, anxiety. Those symptoms are all anxiety symptoms. It's your body's reaction to what your mind perceives and the subsequent physiological responses (fight or flight response). Treating your anxiety will subsequently treat the symptoms associated with it.

Positive thoughts

Yeah i am starting to convince myself of that, one thing that i'm sure everyone gets confused by is the fact anxiety symptoms can happen even when you are not anxious or worrying about anything at that giving time, one of the strangest and scary things about anxiety, as it feels like there is no explanation for the symptoms.

While getting the above mentioned blood test, my doctor went through a GAD-7 questionnaire thing which i scored pretty high, "severe" high so have officially been diagnosed with GAD.

She gave me a prescription of Sertraline (50MG) to start taking once a day but am unsure just now on weather i want to take them, i have never been one for taking tablets, even painkillers etc, some possible side effects i have seen on the Sertraline don't sounds too good.

[purplepie]

I waited for years before I finally gave in to trying medication and although it took 6 different ones to get there, I have been on an AD for years now. I have been up and down since and I am not on a very high dose so I still 'feel' although at the moment I prob need go up a little as I have been feeling more anxious/depressed of late. I understand what you mean when you the confusion of anxiety coming out of nowhere just doesn't make sense and one of my symptoms is couple of seconds of 'going to faint/lose it' which then makes future plans frightening for fear of it happening at work,
while out with friends etc. Sucks!! I am 47 and have prob had some issue of anxiety all my life however it got worse around 30 when I was going through a very stressful time.