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Old 04-04-05, 12:56
Roma Roma is offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 18
New here and suffering from anticipatory anxiety

Hello All

I've found this site this morning and am thrilled to have found people who seem to be just like me!

At the moment I'm suffering from VERY severe anticipatory anxiety. I have an event on Wednesday evening and as it gets nearer the anticipation is getting worse.

I've suffered from anxiety and panic for many years (15 +) and have in that time read lots and understand about panic and anxiety but have never found anyone else to talk to who suffers the same feelings.

My main problem is eating out - I feel sick, unable to eat, I'm afraid of leaving food on my plate but I can't even let one morsel touch my lips, I'm rigid with fear, I think people are looking at me etc. etc. and I just want to get away as quickly as possible.

My husband is an absolute treasure and has helped me cope over the years but it's hard for him to understand what I'm going through. Doctor has been good too but I don't like taking drugs.

Usually I either avoid situations or only get through by making excuses, like - "sorry I've been ill and won't be able to eat anything" - but even then I feel a failure because I didn't do it properly.

Recently I've decided that enough is enough and I am determined to win. Some good results over the last few weeks have seen me eating out with my husband, once in a quite busy restaurant that I had never visited before.

However, Wednesday is a BIG ONE - I have to go out to a meal with a group of 10 people who I hardly know and my 'rock' (my husband) can't come with me. I won't be able to have his reassuring look or supportive word and I'm in utter turmoil of how I'm going to cope. I keep wavering between a decision to not go to sheer determination that I will!

I keep having those moments of absolute terror when I can't keep thoughts of what will/might happen out of my mind and I keep telling myself to phone up and cancel and the feelings will go away. I feel exhausted and tearful. It all seems too much too soon for me.

In a nutshell - I can't eat when I anxious and I'm anxious because I can't eat. It's a horrible vicious circle that I can't break.

Any tips on getting through the next few days and that evening would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, I hope I've not rambled too much and that it all that makes sense to someone!
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Old 04-04-05, 13:23
della della is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 127
hi roma

welcome to the site..I understand how you feel but as you said it is a vicious circle and please DONT let the anticiaptory anxiety get the better of you ..Start now and tell yourself as often as you can that YOU ARE GOING to go out and have this meal evenif you only eat a small amount...it will be a wondeful achievement for you

good luck[8D]
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Old 04-04-05, 13:54
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zena zena is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 244
Hi Roma,

Sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction.
I have a friend who has the same problem as you.
I found though the more fuss I made, made her worse, eg You have to eat something.
The last time we had her round for dins she was adimant she wasn't gonna eat.
I told her that was fine...in the end she went back for 2nds.
So there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I know exactly what you mean about your 'rock'. I have one of those and he's great.

Just try and relax over the next couple of days and don't put any pressure on yourself. When you go out for this dinner you can always order no one says you have to eat it. Take a doggy bag with you so you can enjoy it better.
Just a few hints.
You have to be proud of yourself though for achieving what you have done.

with good wishes

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Old 04-04-05, 13:59
tracyp584 tracyp584 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 581
Hey Roma,

Welcome to the site, you will find lots of support and advice here,

tracy x x
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Old 04-04-05, 15:30
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Tracy68 Tracy68 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 380
Hi Roma
Welcome to the site. Sorry to hear that things aren't so great at the moment. We are all very friendly here and we will do everything to give you help and support.
Hope things go ok for you.
Take care
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Old 04-04-05, 15:35
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Karen Karen is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 10,521
Hi Roma

Welcome to the forum.


It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
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Old 04-04-05, 16:19
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kairen kairen is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 765
hi Roma

i to soffered with eating like you, though not as bad if i went out i would try and order something that had little taste and smell so at least that didnt put me off b4 i started. i would try not to look at my plate as much as possible and sometimes woul just order a starter,+

Zena that is right i found that if no one mentioned what i ate or made even a joke oh on a diet etc i was much better, you have the right attitude at the moment that is how to beat it and you will im about 98% there now even better for finding this site which i cant stop saying LOL

good luck and try not to think about it when it comes into your mind try and think of something else and most of all be proud of your self cos at the end of he day it's only you who can do it in the end and you are gettint there by the look of it

good luck and let us know how you get on xxx

kairen x
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Old 04-04-05, 18:39
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nomorepanic nomorepanic is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 40,478
Hi Roma

Welcome aboard the forum.

This is not a problem I have as such but I do get anticipatory anxiety about other things.

You can either choose to go or back out? That is the 1st BIG decision. Once there you can choose to eat or you could say that you have a bit of an upset stomach so you will have something small and light.

I bet no-one will even notice that you feel so bad about it.

The thing is that you are willing to try it and that is very positive.

You CAN do this ok and once there you will be having a great time and no-one will even notice what you are or aren't eating.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Have you tried Rescue Remedy to help with the panic/anxious feelings?

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Old 04-04-05, 18:55
carlin carlin is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 1,212
Hello Roma and welcome,
I read your post and my first thoughts are what a brave, sensitive, sensible women you are - you also understand all about panic and it's symtoms, which i think is half the battle, you are positive and determined. Go for it on Wednesday, you say nobody knows you that well, if you do have problems with the food, have a small excuse on hand, i.e. toothache, tummy upset, anything, order a small meal, pretend to eat, there will be many people there, nobody will be staring at you personally, no-one will notice if you don't eat anything, and you never know you may be able to have a mouthful or two, I had the same problem last november, when it was my 50th, me and hubby DID go for our special meal, and i DID manage to eat a little bit. good luck and please keep in touch
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Old 04-04-05, 20:22
bubbles bubbles is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 254

Welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear you are suffering at present. I think you have done very well to start tackling your biggest fear.

I suffer with anticipatory anxiety about quite a few things but not about eating out---though I must admit I don't like it much, would rather eat at home. But whatever causes it, it's a horrible feeling?----& usually far worse than the actual event.

Good luck for Wednesday. I'm sure you'll do well.


Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
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anticipatory, anxiety, suffering

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