Abuse and anxiety

[LF87]

Hi. Want2be healthy thank you so much for posting those. That article really helped and the refuge link. I stayed with my parents most of the weekend. Today he has an interview so I spent the morning making notes and researching things for him. He got in a bad mood ripped up all my notes and threw something at me again, not sure what but it hit me in the shoulder and is now very sore. I'm sitting upstairs out of his way until after this interview and I pray it goes well because if not I know who will get the brunt.
I have started recording things to watch back myself to remind me how bad it is.

[Iwant2bhealthy]

I'm glad it helps. Did you try to call them already? I think they can help you better than anyone else. They dont just offer refuge, they also support violence victims who are in a relationship with the abuser.

I'm sitting upstairs out of his way until after this interview and I pray it goes well because if not I know who will get the brunt.

I would suggest for you go to your parents again, before he comes back, and stay there overnight regardless of how the interview goes. His emotions will probably be all over the place, and you will be in danger again.


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[LF87]

I havent called yet. I feel a bit of a fraud because it's not like he beats me up, but I do know its domestic violence. But not on the scale some women suffer. I had to get a taxi urgently as he punched the walls, bleeding, screaming in my face saying it's my fault he didnt do well. He even hung up on the interviewer then just went ballistic. Demanded my phone off me but I said no and managed to get out. He has broken my phone once before so wasnt going to hand it over to him. I just cant believe his reaction. I recorded it all as fishman said, his screaming in the last hour. I realised how scared I am of him again. I was shaking, unable to breathe properly and flushed red, I imagine cos of my blood pressure soaring. Hes disgusting, that he can see someone hes meant to care about in that state caused by him. I did nothing but help him today and still got abuse.

[Fishmanpa]

I feel a bit of a fraud because it's not like he beats me up, but I do know its domestic violence. But not on the scale some women suffer.

Why do you continue to make excuses and defend this POS? (sorry... any man that abuses a woman in the way you describe is a POS in my book!). Glad you have the footage. Time to go to the police and get your rear out of there! NOW!

Positive thoughts

[Iwant2bhealthy]

I havent called yet. I feel a bit of a fraud because it's not like he beats me up, but I do know its domestic violence. But not on the scale some women suffer.

You are not a fraud! Throwing an object at you is really no different from punching you or hitting you with a baseball bat. Please, please, please just CALL THEM NOW. I assume you are out of the house, so this is THE perfect moment to talk to them.

I know someone who was bleeding from her nose after her husband punched her, and said it still wasnt too bad because she know someone who had it worse. Think of it this way. If you have 2 starving children, and child #2 is in a slightly better state than child #1 does it mean that #2 doesnt deserve the same care and help as #1?

Save yourself. Call the number. Please. Do it now, while you still can.

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[MyNameIsTerry]

Let them decide that. They will help in assessing risk from an objective position and thrir experience. For instance, they understand how things escalate and whilst their are women worse off how did they all start out?

I don't want to add worry for you but I think that needs to be part of your thinking. It's walls now but not many blokes get that angry they need to do that.

It could escalate and everyone here will be concerned about that. You have an avenue of escape in your parents. It may feel like moving backwards and losing at least some anxiety support but which is worse? You can work on changing your home position but this guy clearly sees nothing wrong with his behaviour.

[BlueIris]

I was once caught between the emotionally (and sexually) abusive boyfriend I was living with and my emotionally abusive parents.

I held off moving back in with them for years even though he forbade me from sleeping when he wasn't, tried to control every aspect of my life and, yes, occasionally threw things at me.

Life with my parents wasn't great (after he held me hostage for six hours when I tried to contact them to return) but it got me to a place where I was able to move on more easily. I've been married to my best friend now for over seventeen years. Love doesn't have to hurt.

Please be kind to yourself and look out for your own safety?

[ankietyjoe]

I havent called yet. I feel a bit of a fraud because it's not like he beats me up, but I do know its domestic violence. But not on the scale some women suffer. I had to get a taxi urgently as he punched the walls, bleeding, screaming in my face saying it's my fault he didnt do well. He even hung up on the interviewer then just went ballistic. Demanded my phone off me but I said no and managed to get out. He has broken my phone once before so wasnt going to hand it over to him. I just cant believe his reaction. I recorded it all as fishman said, his screaming in the last hour. I realised how scared I am of him again. I was shaking, unable to breathe properly and flushed red, I imagine cos of my blood pressure soaring. Hes disgusting, that he can see someone hes meant to care about in that state caused by him. I did nothing but help him today and still got abuse.

I do understand how much you fear leaving, but you really need to leave before he really hurts you. It's a matter of when, not if.

Please, get out today. Can anybody help you leave today?

[LF87]

Thank you for these replies. I have come to my parents and arranged with my brother to collect my stuff tomorrow. I just feel so sad and lost without him. Even now I feel so upset and only left a few hours ago.

You're all right, I do genuinely think it will escalate into being hit properly. And he is a boxer and mma fighter. It would be very bad. He has done it once before, in the face, not since, but that level of rage doesn't have any boundaries I dont think. Terry, completely doesn't see any problem with his behaviour. He promised me after the black eyes he would get help from the gp and never did, and has continued to be aggressive and threatening. Says sorry the other day for the giant bruise on my leg after he hurled the Xbox controller at me. He isnt sorry, he doesn't even flinch when he sees what hes left me with. I remember my friend once told me her boyfriend slapped her in the arm and it left a mark, and how devastated he was at his actions. My partner has never shown any, and I mean any remorse for what he does. He just says ah sorry, I know I shouldn't but you do just wind me up. Then does the same again. I hope to stay strong and not go back. The problem arises when I have anxiety about my health, and my first calling point for reassurance is him, and that happens most if not every day. He knows this though, he knows I'm desperate not to be alone and he plays on knowing about my anxiety, I'm sure of that now.

I am sick now though of letting him treat me like this, and getting away with it. He is a scrounge, takes my money off me and says I dont contribute to the house. He tells me I dont help in general despite spending a lot of my time filling out job applications for him. Its just too much.

[Fishmanpa]

Thank you for these replies. I have come to my parents and arranged with my brother to collect my stuff tomorrow.....He is a scrounge, takes my money off me and says I dont contribute to the house.

Very glad to see you're at your parent's house. I know you're feeling a bit lost but this truly is for the best and deep down you know it.

Do you have any bank accounts together? If so, draw your money out and close the accounts. Open accounts at another bank and in the mean time change your user name and passwords just in case.

Positive thoughts