Travel Anxiety
Hi,
I'm new to the forum - forum's in genral - and am unsure where to start, I just need some kind of help and a virtual hug sounds really right now.
I'm currently im China on 5 of a 32 day trip where my friend and I will be travelling to 10 different areas across the country and already i feel like I can barely cope.
It all just seems like a huge mistake and i've invested a ot of momey into the trip to want to abandon it but I just cant figure out why i ever thought it would be good idea.
I've known i've had anxiety and depression for about the last 5 years and it's a constant cycle of ups and downs and at the minute its down and im frightned of myself about as much as the unfamiliar situation around me. My brain is constantly telling me every little thing that could possibly go wrong, be aweful or be something that i cannot cope with. We are heavily reliant on public tansport - 10 hour trains - between nearly every destination, in the uk catching a 1 hour train would make me uncomfortable. Theres just too many things im stressing about: money, losing passport, losing friend, not getting lost, not getting to the hotel, the heat, money, ruining the experience for my friend and health. Theres just too much in my head that even though my brain knows of done some amazing things so far and we're going to do many more- things i was exited about, i just dont enjoy them. I was on the Great Wall stood there and felt nothing so just went back down, when looking at the pictures i can appreciate it but at the time i just felt nothing and questioned the entire trip. Everything is feeding into each and i've tried to talk to my friend to tell her what im anxious about and at least ask for a rest but theres never been time and shes replied with "i dont knkw what to tell you, the things you're saying just arent going to happen and when you talk i feel like you're not even trying". I know that most of fear is unreasonable but it doesnt mean i can stop it, i've gone through cbt and have practised mindfullness for a long time now but there are many times where they just dont work. To give a bit more context my friend is very prone to losing things, phones car keys- you name it- she thought she had lost our chinese bank card the other day- so i dont trust here very much in regards to not losing anything. I feel like the 1 person i can communicate with here just doesnt understand and i cant refuse to do any of the things we are doing and im just ruining the trip for both of us.
If anyone has any kind of advice it would be greatly appreciated, my head just wont stop :(
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