Terrified and need some advice

[jwk]

Hello! I have only posted once before, and am looking for some help, I suppose.
I am absolutely terrified of getting, and then suffering and dying from, skin cancer. While it doesn't run in my family, I watched my mother suffer and then die from MS, and I also did not take care of my skin when I was younger (I used both tanning beds in college and didn't use sunscreen very often outside.) I'll be honest, it's really affecting my life. I read a few news articles that really scared the living daylights out of me, and I feel like a "ticking time bomb." I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and then my inevitable suffering and death to occur. I've always had a deep fear of dying young, probably because of my mom, and I absolutely hate myself for not taking better care of myself when I was younger (I'm 30 now.) I have a young son, and the thought of dying and leaving him to grow up without a mom, like me, hurts me so much. I also feel so upset about missing out on his life. I feel intense guilt for my earlier choices and know if something happens to me, I'll completely blame myself. I guess I'm hoping for someone who understands, and maybe if you were able to overcome this fear, how you did it? Thank you.

[RadioGaGa]

jwk

I have been through the same fear. I was a tanning bed addict when I was 20-21. I went 15mins three times a week. I was very VERY tanned constantly.

Fast forward, in September I though a mole had changed (well, actually, it had changed) but I was reassured by five doctors it was benign. I insisted on a biopsy which thankfully confirmed it was indeed benign.

However, I digress.

Unfortunately, the damage we have done to our skin cannot be undone. We have to remain vigiliant and look out for changes in our skin. I am seeing my Dermatologist again in January, and will see her yearly after that. She took pictures of my back, legs etc to monitor some dodgy moles.

Really, I've gotten over the mole fear because my derma is monitoring my moles for me. I've done this privately here in the UK. I recommend you do this as well, because it really does help the anxiety.

Good luck

[jwk]

Thank you for your advice. I was last checked in May and plan to go this May again. It is tempting to go even more often but I am trying to be reasonable. In my head, my chances of developing deadly cancer are 100%. Have you been to therapy? I was sent to a grief counselor after my mom died for my anxiety but I feel I need something more specialized, I’m honestly concerned this health anxiety will ruin my life. Although I’ve never considered hurting myself, sometimes I think (ironicallly) it would be a relief to be gone and done with worry. It’s bizarre, considering my fear is suffering and death from disease.

[jwk]

Anyone else? I’m not sure what to do. I can keep going back to the dr for moles they’ve looked at, or try therapy but I’m doubtful it’ll work since counselors in the ost haven’t helped. I just feel like I’m in a constant state of dread. The older I get, the worse it gets. I feel trapped and like I’m suffocating on a constant state of fear.

[Fishmanpa]

Since there are no magic words or instant results techniques, your choices are self help or real life professional help which would include therapy, hard work and meds if needed. Take a look at the RESOURCES here.

Positive thoughts

[jwk]

There was a woman in here last year who posted about having a confirmed melanoma while pregnant. Her dr was reluctant to remove it. Does anyone know how that all worked out for her?
Also, anyone on buspar? My GP put me on it in combination with my Zoloft. Hoping it will help.

[Charlie1108]

I've been through this fear myself and know how consuming it is with all the checking and what not. My best friend doesn't suffer with HA. A year ago she noticed a mole had changed so she took a photo. Fast forward 12 months and it had definitely grown so she went to the doctor and was subsequently referred. It was a melanoma but even in that space of a year, it remained within the mole so she the only treatment she had was the removal. My point is, even a year after the changes etc it was still contained within the mole. You've had them checked so that's all you can do. Maybe make a point of going annually and leaving it there. I totally get what you're going through though and have the same crippling fear of leaving my own children. Our minds can be our own worst enemies hey x

[jwk]

I've been through this fear myself and know how consuming it is with all the checking and what not. My best friend doesn't suffer with HA. A year ago she noticed a mole had changed so she took a photo. Fast forward 12 months and it had definitely grown so she went to the doctor and was subsequently referred. It was a melanoma but even in that space of a year, it remained within the mole so she the only treatment she had was the removal. My point is, even a year after the changes etc it was still contained within the mole. You've had them checked so that's all you can do. Maybe make a point of going annually and leaving it there. I totally get what you're going through though and have the same crippling fear of leaving my own children. Our minds can be our own worst enemies hey x

Thank you for your reply! It’s reassuring to know I’m not alone, and that your friend is alright after her ordeal! Is she doing well now? Sometimes I think the worst part about all this is the anxiety of not knowing, and I fear for my reaction if I ever had to face the things that scare me so much. I am constantly checking myself and it’s affecting my parenting, I’m more irritable with my toddler and little things upset me. So ironic for a girl whose biggest fear is leaving her precious boy behind, huh? I guess I’m unsure as to what anyone could tell me that would make me stop obsessing and just LIVE. I’m hoping this will pass and accept life’s uncertainties and enjoy what I have, but honestly today I can’t imagine that day that will happen. How did you find peace from the fear?