Insomnia, anxiety about insomnia

[Dazzlar13]

Hi
I have suffered from Anxiety for as long as I remember.
However its always been controllable until a while back (probably around 6 years ago)
I lost my job and couldn't find work for around 4 months.
During this time I was staying up late and getting up late and subsequently messed up my sleep pattern.
Anyway I fond a temporary job that required me to be up at 7:00.
I couldn't sleep obviously. Eventually after months of getting around 3 hours sleep a day I discovered pot helped me to sleep....
After a while I found another job and realised I have an anxiety disorder and was prescribed Citalopram.
I still couldn't stop relying on the pot to sleep for a while but I eventually stopped.
Around a year later I felt better and came of Citalopram. Everything was good for a while and then suddenly the Insomnia came back with a vengeance.
After around a week I gave up and started with the pot and Citalopram again.
Its all Psychological I know this myself but I cant stop obsessing over sleep :(
This lasted about 2 years and I got p'eed off with the situation.
Went to see the doc explained and she prescribed me Mirtazapine.
Problem is this makes my daytime anxiety worse which makes it even harder to stop with this routine.
I know the pot is sabotaging things even if it is a small amount.
Deep down I also know its the Mirt that is helping me sleep..
Thing is I don't want to be on anything at all for sleep, I would like to just sleep like a normal person.
The sleep clinic near me wont see me as they say its a CBT issue and the Mental health department say is a sleep clinic issue.
I am due to start CBT as I've managed to swing it with them,I just basically admitted I have an Anxiety problem truthfully this time...
I am absolutely terrified of stopping everything as I'm petrified I'll not sleep and it'll end up costing me my job and screwing my career plans up.
I really don't fancy being out of work I love working.
I had a bout recently and kind of thought to myself "you know what I'm going to go in work and go to the gym and not let this thing ruin my day" and I did feel better.
But I'm not sure how long this attitude would last if I wasn't sleeping very well for days on end.
Has anyone else been through anything similar?
I'm on holiday in March so I'm hoping once I see first hand what's helping me to sleep it should be one substance down.
I absolutely 100% would be off AD's if it wasn't for the sleep.
Advice welcome
Incredibly frustrated
Daz

[Mark13]

If it were me I'd drop the pot

I'm on enough prescription meds without adding my own...

I take Mirtazapine 15mg to help me sleep, it's not perfect but it's better than anything else I've tried. So it's likely helping you too. It only sedates at 15mg in my experience, more stimulating at higher dosages.

I'd happily take it forever if it keep on doing it's job.

As for "obsessing" about sleep, I do it too. It's ruled my life for 34 years, and that and the anxiety are the reason I now work part-time.

You may want to add to my thread about sleep in the Phobias sub-forum, please do it's looking lonely there with no responses

[Dazzlar13]

If it were me I'd drop the pot

I'm on enough prescription meds without adding my own...

I take Mirtazapine 15mg to help me sleep, it's not perfect but it's better than anything else I've tried. So it's likely helping you too. It only sedates at 15mg in my experience, more stimulating at higher dosages.

I'd happily take it forever if it keep on doing it's job.

As for "obsessing" about sleep, I do it too. It's ruled my life for 34 years, and that and the anxiety are the reason I now work part-time.

You may want to add to my thread about sleep in the Phobias sub-forum, please do it's looking lonely there with no responses

Hi mate thanks for your reply
I'm hoping to drop it but I'm that used to it its going to be REALLY difficult.
I could do with doing it before I go on holiday in march.
The thing that annoys me is I held down a job for over 2 years without anything at all so I can do it.
I swear the last insomnia episode I had when I mucked my dosages up just thinking that "I aint going to let this ruin my day" helped.
Its just fear of going through what I went through last time is making me really not want to quit.
Working full time isnt an option for me unless I meet a "Suga momma" hahaha
The daytime anxiety has not been too bad since I had a rather nasty incident a while back on a night out that triggered me ending up on meds.
There is a clinic near me that offerers CBT for Insomnia its private but that may be something worth looking into when I return from my holiday.
I will have a look at your thread

[Rls1994]

Hi Daz.

I also have sleeping issues, and have had it for the past year or so now. I only get 4-5 hours a sleep nowadays when I need about 8 to function properly.. I fall asleep around 5:00 AM - 6:00 AM in the morning and wake up at like, 12:00 - 2:00 PM in the afternoon. I'm awfully glad I do not have work or anything.

I notice I'm more anxious and depressed whenever I don't get much sleep, but the reason I don't get much sleep is BECAUSE of anxiety and depression.. UGH. It really is frustrating isn't it? I'm also like you where I prefer to get back to normal naturally without tablets. They're not recommended to take anyways, as your body eventually builds up an immunity to them and they stop working.

As Mark says, I'd definitely drop the pot also.

[Dazzlar13]

Thanks for your reply RLS.
Do you think your problem is purely psychological?
I managed to beat it for a while but I relapsed
Maybe next time I'm best off persevering.
I mean everyone struggles from time to time.
Not looking forward to it though
this is a good read http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...ake-night.html

[Rls1994]

Yes definitely. I'm constantly thinking of things and even though I may seem tired sometimes, I still cannot sleep. I've noticed when I just try not to think about anything and focus on my breathing that it helps a little.

Another reason why I know it's definitely psychological is because I never used to have this problem when I was anxiety/depression free. I could sleep like a baby.

Are you like me where you're sat in bed for hours wide awake?

[Dazzlar13]

Yes definitely. I'm constantly thinking of things and even though I may seem tired sometimes, I still cannot sleep. I've noticed when I just try not to think about anything and focus on my breathing that it helps a little.

Another reason why I know it's definitely psychological is because I never used to have this problem when I was anxiety/depression free. I could sleep like a baby.

Are you like me where you're sat in bed for hours wide awake?

Since I have been on medication? No.
When I was off Citalopram, yes definitely I'd get incredibly frustrated and end up punching the wall out of frustration. I'd worry that I'd lose my job, end up on the dole for the rest of my life ,lose my girlfriend ( who I broke up with anyway)
The day after I'd feel sick, be sick and feel like I was going to end up getting sectioned under the mental health act
I was in hell, basically. A hell all of my own doing but still.
I'm convinced looking back that the majority of the feelings I had the day after where all in my head and had very little to do with me being sleep deprivation.
Still its not something I am looking forward to going through again.
I know though that I am going to have to when I decide to face it

[Rls1994]

Ah, I see. You're quite different from me then. No medication I've taken for sleep works. Well, it does, but only for like a week or so and then I'm screwed again.

This is probably a dumb question but, do you even know what you are worried about? I know you said you'd worry if you lose your job and all but is there anything else? I have GAD, and I can be worrying for no reason a lot of the time, you can imagine how frustrating that is since you cannot find whatevers causing you to worry and try sorting it out.

It seems like the lack of sleep you are getting is definitely causing your irritable moods, with punching the wall and stuff. With me, the lack of sleep makes me feel awful the next day. I cannot concentrate, I get irritable (like you), I have thoughts like no one loves me etc.

[Dazzlar13]

Yeah that post I wrote was a little melodramatic reading it back

See what I do is basically look for something to be worried about.
Its almost like I have to be worried about something if that makes sense. I usually find something as I am impulsive and do things at times without thinking it through (at all) So you can guarantee I have done something worth worrying about...
To be honest I also think I have a mild form of adult ADD but I'm not sure whether that came first or not.
Prescription Medication has always worked for me. OTC doesn't really.
I sometimes feel like the not sleeping is worse than the affects the day after
But yeah, being out of work is something that worries me. My uncle is messed up mentally, still lives with my nan at 45 and I fear I'll become like him if I lose my job (that sounds horrible but that's how I feel)
I am a strange individual at times