Depressed because of existential solipsism type anxiety

[KingKibble]

Some extra info
--Im a teenage female
--This started in the middle of May
--I think I mightv'e gotten this feeling from I game I had recently played at the time
--I had minor, minor anxiety before this
--I have never been to any form of therapy, though I might soon
--The only person who I have told this to who actually cares is my grandmother and a few people over at the dpselfhelp forum.
--As far I know, I am the only person on the internet who has posted about this.
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I don't know if this is the right board for it, but I just wanted to share my struggle with depression because of my solipsism anxiety.

At first it started out as simple dissociation and derealization, evolving into derealization from coincidences and "synchronicities", to where it is now at coincidence and "synchronicity" triggered solipsism.

My condition has gotten so bad where I hate hearing someone speak, or watching movies, anything with sound because I can always predict what word the person speaking or the person on screen is going to say a split second before it's said (Or at least, that's how it feels like.) The only simple way I can think of this is like I'm a main character in a movie surrounded by robot actors that I once felt close to, and that I've memorized the script, but when the time comes to shoot the movie (when I was "born") I forget everything until a split second before the line is said. All of this just makes me feel both depressed and numb at the same time.

Now to the story of how it all happened.

It was early May, and I had around two weeks of school left. I was sitting in my room and then all of the sudden I felt trapped and numb. I brushed it off and started reading something on my computer. I had my TV on in the background and I remember sitting there and a ton of words I was reading on my computer would be said on the TV. I suddenly felt like I was the only real one and I was controlling what was being said on the TV subconsciously. Freaky shit.

After that it just worse and worse. It got to the point where people would start saying my thoughts, and I would be able to predict what they're going to say. At this point it's mostly like I can predict what will happen and what someone will say. It's like, 'okay I'm going to bring up this super recent thing and they don't remember it' and of course they don't, even if the person has exceptional memory and normally would. Everyone is acting super strange lately. Another example that has happened is if I'm with one of my family members and sometimes I'll try to calm my anxiety by testing if we turn the way I think we would, so I'll be like 'we're going to turn left.' even though deep down I know we're going to turn right, and we turn right. It happens all the time.

I hate all of this. No one else feels this way and no one understands. I just want to die. I'm just so ****ing depressed all the time from this and no one even cares. Everyone says "oh just stop thinking about it, it's really not that hard." but it is. I can't just stop thinking about it.

Why can't I just die already?

[tech3545]

Hey, I’ve had an existential crisis, dealt with skepticism, solipsism, all that and it most definitely sucks :/ I was in a rut of non stop contemplating and thinking about it for months, so I think I can give some insight.

To put it short it was a living nightmare. I’m an overthinker, I think a lot and I think you do too. I have the thing where I feel like I predict stuff, that definetly felt freaky, along with the feeling of just unreality. I pondered solipsism for months, it was debilitating and pretty frustrating. School was a nightmare, all I wanted to do was go home and google more stuff about solipsism to try and reassure myself, but it didn’t help, cause I’d just come back to the end all be all hypothesis that you can’t prove anything. Try not to worry, just keep going, you’ll get through it, I did and I’ve been just fine for about 2 years. Yeah you’re defiently a thinker, which isn’t a bad thing, we sometimes just let our minds get the best of us.

If I could tell me 2 years ago some advice it would be to go talk to a professional. Seeing a counselor at that time probably really would have helped me quite a bit.

And really, in the philosophical world, solipsism isn’t even one of the stronger theories, it’s actually quite weak and pretty simple if you think about it. Which is why there’s not much of a point to pondering it, which I think was what I came to after a while. If you want to someone to talk to about it you can IM me, I’d be more than glad to talk. Hope u get to feeling better, and hope I could help some. Hang in there

[Chasingmyowntail]

Been through almost exactly what you're describing. With the script in movies and prediction stuff / coincidences etc. It gets better over time. Sometimes it could take a while to get out of it, but don't worry. You'll return to.your natural state, which is to simply trust your senses around you, that things are pretty much as they seem. My advice is to immerse yourself in life as much as possible. Make new friends, do outdoor stuff, adventure, do silly things, learn new skills, etc. The solipsism thing is like a thing some of us deep thinkers go through to get to the next phase I think... Just about maturing , mentally, emotionally and spirituality. We need each other as humans, and need to find someone to share our experiences with. Once you find something fulfilling in your life, a partner, a passion, a deeper sense of self and/or faith, that stuff will mostly fade. You're all good, just keep living your life and try (as hard as it is) not to freak out about it all, as super scary as solipsism can be ��