I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes

[Chlobo]

Thank you for the replies.
I’m scared this evening, I sometimes get a ‘weak feeling in my arm. I actually remember having it before a few years ago. Last year it happened and I rang an ambulance because it scared me so much as it happened suddenly. I’m really fixating on neurological problems and I’m getting waves of fear through my stomach. I don’t feel safe, I feel so so bad. My body constantly feels strange. I am petrified of brain tumours as you all know and tonight I’m just stuck on thinking about them

[Fishmanpa]

Thank you for the replies.
I’m scared this evening, I sometimes get a ‘weak feeling in my arm. I actually remember having it before a few years ago. Last year it happened and I rang an ambulance because it scared me so much as it happened suddenly. I’m really fixating on neurological problems and I’m getting waves of fear through my stomach. I don’t feel safe, I feel so so bad. My body constantly feels strange. I am petrified of brain tumours as you all know and tonight I’m just stuck on thinking about them

Have you thought about starting the meds? I keep asking because you have a way out of the self induced torment and professionals are trying to help you yet you refuse to try! Thing is, the alternative is staying exactly where you are! Isn't at least worth a try if it will get you a step closer to some peace?

FMP

[BlueIris]

You're doing absolutely nothing to help yourself; you're pretty much embracing your health anxiety. Have you considered the possibility that there's something else in your life, a void that the HA is filling?

[Chlobo]

I haven’t started the meds. I want too but I know how they make me feel, it isn’t in my head and I feel very physically affected. I keep wondering if I can carry on without meds and maybe my brain will just cope without them? I don’t know.
I’m on a support group and people are encouraging me to take them but I can’t just stick a tablet in my gob and swallow unfortunately, it just isn’t how my mind works. Each day I’m building myself to try and take it.

If my fears were totally irrational maybe I could really push myself to work on them, but reality is my fears aren’t irrational. We can get sick and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. It’s the fear of the unknown and dying and death, how I’m going to die one day. It scares the crap out of me. And I’m almost convinced it’ll be from cancer. I feel like a ticking time bomb. If my worries we’re about an alien landing in my back garden and beaming me up it would be a lot easier to tell myself I'm being stupid. As Nora has said a million times to me it’s about accepting death and accepting illness as a possibility but I just can’t, not without fear.

[WorryRaptor]

Each day I’m building myself to try and take it.

This will likely only result in the fear becoming stronger every time to build it up. You need to just take it.

I can’t just stick a tablet in my gob and swallow unfortunately

Yes, you can. Thousands of other people with the same anxiety have done so.

Nora has said a million times to me it’s about accepting death and accepting illness as a possibility but I just can’t, not without fear.

It's not about not feeling fear any more. It's simply about accepting. Everybody fears the end. Nobody wants to become ill. That's just being human. But when you accept it, it doesn't have a hold over the life you do live. What's the point in sitting and fearing death other than to waste the time you have to live?

BlueIris made a really good point, Chlobo. Have you asked yourself what void your HA could be filling?

[.Poppy.]

What’s that John Wayne quote? “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway”?

It comes down to knowing that some things are uncertain, and you may have some side effects when starting the meds. But there is life on the other side of this, Chlo, and the side effects won’t last forever. You just need to saddle up and ride through.

I understand - I’m dealing with a lot of fear and anxiety right now myself (not health related). I have to remind myself that there is life on the other side nearly a hundred times a day. But I have to push through, and I will, and you will too.

Maybe try the meds with the knowledge that if you have side effects that you have online and in person support to help you?

[NoraB]

If my fears were totally irrational maybe I could really push myself to work on them, but reality is my fears aren’t irrational. We can get sick and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. It’s the fear of the unknown and dying and death, how I’m going to die one day. It scares the crap out of me.

All of this is irrational, Chloe..

People do get sick but there's a LOT that doctors (and medicine) can do (not to mention our own mentality in terms of lowering our stress levels, therefore decreasing pain and enabling healing)

Also, getting sick doesn't mean that we will die from whatever it is that we have. The reality is the opposite. Generally we get sick and don't die. All three of my sons had life threatening illnesses/conditions as kids; none died. My brother wasn't supposed to live past ten years of age; he's in his 60s now. The NHS saved my life and my mum's. They did their best to help my dad but HE had left it too late to get help because he avoided going to the doctors. They were able to help with his pain though and he passed peacefully. It's irrational to say that 'there's nothing anyone can do'. Even with terminally ill people, doctors can do a lot to alleviate pain. My FIL and friend were terminally ill too and their pain was well managed. Both passed peacefully, and there's a lot to be said for a peaceful death. All your fears come from your imagination, rather than information and by that I mean not the kind that comes from Googling symptoms..

Death isn't the unknown; it's going to happen and to all of us. The unknown is when and how. The alternative is that nobody ever died and the planet would soon become overcrowded with every resource exhausted and we would die out as a species. We were only ever meant to be here for a short time (short in terms of the age of the planet) and we've already beaten the odds by being faster than all the other sperms. You fought to be here. We all did. And we did it without fear..

And I’m almost convinced it’ll be from cancer. I feel like a ticking time bomb. If my worries we’re about an alien landing in my back garden and beaming me up it would be a lot easier to tell myself I'm being stupid. As Nora has said a million times to me it’s about accepting death and accepting illness as a possibility but I just can’t, not without fear.

Again, not everybody dies from cancer.. (and survival rates are improving all the time)

The life that you fought to have is being wasted by your irrational fears. Nobody is to blame for this but you. It's too easy to keep on saying, 'I can't, it's too hard'. You've yet to put the work in...

You won't even try your medication. I have multiple chemical sensitivity but I at least try. So I have to ask... what scares you more? Feeling worse, or feeling better?

[pulisa]

Are you scared of losing your identity if you no longer worry about dying? Being at a loose end in terms of what occupies your mind?

[Carys]

Everybody fears the end. Nobody wants to become ill. That's just being human. But when you accept it, it doesn't have a hold over the life you do live. What's the point in sitting and fearing death other than to waste the time you have to live?

Acceptance is something it took me years to get to, many painful years that were lived like yours Chlobo. The sooner you get to it, acceptance, the happier and healthier you will be. I can't improve on anything Nora has said (I never can LOL), read it and read it.

[Chlobo]

Well I’ve always been this way so maybe it scares me to feel any different? Who knows, it’s a puzzle even for me to try and understand.
I’ve taken my first tablet today, no going back now. I just hope they don’t make me feel like the Duloxetine did. But trial and error, we will see