Hi everyone,
My names Scott and I’ve been suffering from this crippling condition for a number of years now without being able to shake it for good.
I’ve met various people who suffer from various levels of anxiety but have never spoke to anyone or read about anyone who is at my level which worries me. I will go through a brief outline of my experience of how mines came on and what I have went through during this time.
I suffered badly with depression for a 2 year period prior to my health symptoms coming on, it was every day during that point of being convinced I was losing my family, freedom and life. When that was resolved I was on cloud 9 for around 3 months feeling back to myself then the below happened…
It all started in October 2012 when I was lying in bed one night watching TV, suddenly the room began to spin and my eyes felt all out of whack. I brushed it off and just went to sleep but when I woke the next day I felt I wasn’t in my own body and had terrible head pressure and an ‘off’ feeling. I went to my GP after a few weeks of this feeling and they thought I had a sinus infection so rounds of antibiotics later still no resolution so I started my googling (worst decision of my life) which had shown me brain tumour…a few weeks after convincing myself I had a deadly tumour I developed a continuous tinnitus and pressure got worse. I eventually checked myself into A&E who put me into ECU where I received a CT scan with contrast. Negative.
I didn’t stop there like most would though because I read CT scans can miss tumours and MRI is the best test so I went private to see a Neurologist who performed a MRI and lumbar puncture which was negative and subsequently put me on amitriptyline (it worked which leads me to think it was nerve related). (At this point I spend £500 of my own money).
Maybe about 6 months later dealing with the relapses of head pressure and uping my dose of medication I experienced really bad pains in my abdomen, bloating and constipation. This continued for a few weeks before I started to Google again then saw Bowel Cancer which my grandfather and uncle died from. Of course at this point I’m in a frenzy and start breaking down…even going to the point of writing letters to at that point my unborn son. I spend a month of utter despair and break downs before getting a colonoscopy which turned out all clear.
Maybe a few months after that I started to feel really itchy all over for no reason, I didn’t google it until I felt my collarbone and though I felt a hard lump…Lymphoma. I did have this fear before as I had a lymph node come up behind my ear a year before but it eventually went down although never fully away. So again I am in fight or flight mode crying, feeling utterly helpless. So I went to GP who didn’t feel anything and I asked to see a specialist but refused so I paid for a private one (£170) who told me it was nothing.
Fast forward to this year where I started to feel itchy again, developed a chronic couch thatr afer 8 weeks still persisted, had constant low back pain for weeks and the lymphoma fear is back with a bang. I put it all down to anxiety and tried to work past it until I was randomly feeling my under my jawline where I felt a bone hard lump that seemed to be stuck to the jawline…it all made sense now! This was a cancerous lymph node and I was dying. Off to the GP in a mess again, he does this time acknowledge there is a lump there and send me for an x-ray which doesn’t show anything, he tells me to leave it. I of course Google and see that this would be difficult to pick up in a dental x-ray so again I make an appointment to see the head and neck cancer specialist that I saw before. ( Before I went to see the specialist I went to A&E in a panic wanting a chest X-Ray as I knew lymphoma in lymphoma it's common for it to effect there and it made sense that it was lymphoma as my couch was a symptom.) She has a feel doesn’t think it’s a lymph node or anything to worry about but said I could have a ultrasound (combined cost of appointment and scan £560) Scan didn’t show anything and told not to worry and just keep an eye on it.
My back pain does not resolve so I go to see an Osteopath (£62 a visit) I have been 5 times over the past 2 months, nothing is working. Last week I had a lumbar MRI (£349) which showed disk disease and a prolapsed disk which could explain my pain. I am still convinced I have cancer that is spreading to my bones however.
So here I am today nearly £2,000 spend in scans and specialists and still waiting to fall down dead by lymphoma or another cancer.
I have seen my GP told him I have this health anxiety, he gave me a referral for a self-help group but I think I need something more than that, sitting in a group I doubt will help me. I need a therapist or something I’d imagine since the extent of this is so bad and to anyone looking in I must look a complete nutcase.
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Originally Posted by Scottio19
