Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Darksky]

Hey those mascara wands are the devils tools. I always go too far inwards and end up with it on my nose. Then you rub it off but it turns into a sooty mark which makes you look like you've got bags. Can't win. But hey, you gonna bump into Johnny Depp?

Mr C must be all over the place but I'm not sure delaying the funeral is the way to go, unless he has far away relatives. Funerals are a vital closure to me, but maybe he doesn't want that final goodbye. Totally understandable but personally I've always hated that limbo land in between.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Johnny Depp in Captain Jack character would probably want to borrow your mascara wand

Carnation, red eye and damaged leg...good job you ain't got Buster's social worker coming around or you guys would all be on the books.

Yeah, I agree with Darksky on the funeral. It's a sadly needed piece of closure although the grieving is only just beginning as many of you on here know better than I.

[Carnation]

With both my parents I was on to the organising straight away. It also helped keeping focussed.
I think it's Mr C's way of keeping his mum alive a little longer in his head.
I wore my sunglasses out this afternoon for fear of scaring anyone with my eye and couldn't really see where I was going. With that and the light headedness I must have looked like I'd been boozing all day.
Darksky, there's a saying, "less haste, more speed" and another one, "rush job, poke in eye".
Pleased to say no more sneezes, shivers or coughing. Hope I'm ok tomorrow as lots to do!

[Carnation]

Woke up completely forgetting about my red eye, until I caught a glance in the bathroom mirror and silently screamed at the image.
And no matter what I did with my hair and make-up, it didn't disguise it, just brought more attention to it.
If only it was Halloween.
I've had to give Mr C a little push with getting on with things. Everyone is chasing him and he's just ignoring it all. I didn't want to intervene but at the same time I think he needs to deal with things.
A friend told me that our lives would be different now and I didn't quite understand the meaning of that. Maybe when time passes a bit.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Perhaps your friend meant you would have more time to be together and less time is spent caring for elderly relatives? So much of your time has been dominated by this over the last few years.

Maybe MrC I feeling a bit of that too? His mother's death creates a huge hole where all those duties would normally be so I would imagine it's normal to feel lost as part of the grieving you go through (which you will have talked about with your mum.

I think women are often more practical with getting on with things as it has always been the case for many who look after others. Many of us men are perhaps less naturally inclined to this outside of work?

[Carnation]

Terry, I think my o/h is delaying because of the feeling of it being final. I think he is also afraid of letting his emotions go.

[KK77]

Terry, I think my o/h is delaying because of the feeling of it being final. I think he is also afraid of letting his emotions go.

Understandable, Carnation. I think Mr C should be given a gentle push but not feel under pressure. You know him best so you have to use your intuition. But you don't want him to shut down.

[Buster70]

Hi carnation, from mans point of view and Ive been to a hell of a lot of funerals , there is that male pride that puts pressure on us to keep it together and be strong , if a woman crys at a funeral other women rush to help and comfort them , with men we don't have a clue how to react , he's probably thinking how the hell will I stand there and get through it without bursting into tears and legs buckling, we should be allowed to let all the grief out but that British stiff upper lip comes in and we just bottle it up until it hits us later .
There is no right or wrong way to deal with it we all just fumble our way through looking to others for advice , I guess he saw his mum to say good bye like I did with my dad but until the funeral has passed you still wake up each morning thinking for a few seconds it hasn't happened then the enormity of it dawns on you .
He and you will get through the day like we all do and life will be different.
Take care . Hope this makes sense it is somthing I think about a lot lately.

[pulisa]

I presume at this time of year funerals can't be arranged to take place quickly anyway so maybe Mr C will get a bit of additional time to process things and come to terms with his Mum's passing? Does he have any brothers and sisters or relatives he could talk to to help him with arrangements?

[Darksky]

My OH is not good with emotion. He blanks it out, no matter what he's feeling, he gives the outward impression of a cold block of ice, always has done. He's not good when I get emotional either, generally ignores me. When his mother died he showed no emotion whatsoever, although he did tell our sons off for arguing in the car on the way to the funeral, telling them to shut up as it was his mothers day. It's difficult to know how to handle him, what he wants, talk or not. The pain was there but he buried it so deep.

I agree with Buster, women are far easier to handle. We cry, we get hugged and women support each other.