Life stress and now my cervical cancer fear is back full strength...
This time I think I've at least recognized what has happened on my latest HA spiral.
I've had a lot of personal stress the last few weeks (I have decided to leave my part time job to become fully self-employed .... THAT in itself is not what I'm stressed about, it's actually a wonderful thing, but I have a lot of social anxieties and don't do change well regardless of what it is)
Anyway, I've been dreading giving my notice to my boss this Thursday. Physically my anxiety has been sky high this week. My eyelid has been twitching for days. I feel like the anxiety in my bones.
So what pops up again? The dread in the pit of my stomach that I KNOW I have cervical cancer.
I don't know why this in particular is my latest fear but I think because I am terrified of the OBGYN above all else and haven't had a pap in probably about 7-8 years. I had one abnormal pap around 20 or so and it reverted back to normal after further testing. I know I'm an idiot for not getting screened but I've moved a lot and made a lot of excuses for not getting an appointment, and I'm just plain scared of it.
I don't really have any classic symptoms aside from an aching pain in my pubic bone area/hip a few days before my cycle each month on one side only and maybe another symptom or two. But that's the problem, I am afraid I've let it go too long and I have silent symptoms and now it's too late.
This is totally irrational and probably brought on my the regular anxiety I'm feeling. I know I need to go have a wellness exam with an OBGYN.
But I can't shake the weird feeling that THIS TIME is the time that something is really wrong and that nothing bad has ever really happened to me like this so it must be about time. Which is nonsensical.
It's so frustrating.... :(
__________________
~ Angela
"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due."
William Ralph Inge