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Old 14-06-18, 20:03
Englishgirl Englishgirl is offline
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 1
Instrusive thoughts

Hi there,

I donít know if this is the right forum to write this. But Iíve got to a point now where I really need some help to get rid of these thoughts. Basically my story is that I am a straight female. I have had relationships with boys and always been clear with sexuality. I love girls, but only as friends, I have never been at all worries I might fancy girls. However, I have recently started a new job where I was pulled into so helping start a LGBT group. I thought this was great as I believe no matter what sex you fancy you should be accepted and welcomed in work. This was all going well, but then I was asked to be in a film as an ally. I was really proud of this. I filmed it talking about why I was an ally. I then sent the video to my mum. Her text response was letís talk about this later. For some reason that sentence threw me into complete panic. I can remember it now. I had to rush upstairs as I was suddenly filled with panic and couldnít xalm down. That was in November. Ever since then for most days I have had thoughts in my head of what if I am a lesbian. Even though to be a lesbian you have to fancy girls which I honestly donít, but even still my mind is like what If I wake up one day, what if what if. I find it so distressing it makes me want to cry, sometimes I have even cried. Sometimes Iím not sure even want the thoughts are about it, but my head feels heavy with worry about it. Itís the first thing that comes into my head in the morning and the last thing at night. Some days I donít think about it at all as Iím happy and busy, but then itís like my mind wants em to think that and so itís like I havenít thought about that today and it starts again. I have been doing a lot of research and tried things but it just doesnít seem to work and I worry my thoughts will never be peaceful and normal again. I tired to tell my mum which was a big thing for me at Christmas but she said it was probably cause Iím such an empathetic person and was imagining what it would be like for the LGBT people I met telling their parents and I was tired, but itís june now and I still canít stop worrying and thinking.

I donít know whether going to the doctor will help or if they can give me a prescription. I know honestly that I donít fanxy girls and I try telling myself thoughts are not reality, but all the time it seems like my mind is playing tricks on me and trying to scare me and I just really want it stop. Iím a healthy happy 20 year old girl and so not used to dealing with anything like this.

Is there anyone out there like this or can help me or any succes stories where people have got their thoughts back?

Thanks for your help!
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Old 22-06-18, 10:24
OCDme OCDme is offline
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 26
Re: Instrusive thoughts

The only reason you panicked was because of a phobia towards being lesbian. You might not think you have a phobia towards it but subconsciously, you do have a phobia I think. Once you accept and embrace LGBT, then, you'd have no fear and just simply think "A: I'm not lesbian, or B: I'm lesbian, or C: somewhere in the middle and all three cases are totally fine". thus, you would not fear/panic at all. Is there any specific reason why you fear that you might be a lesbian though?
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instrusive, sexuality, thoughts

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