My Escitalopram diary

[katy2104]

Hi Karen, I'm so pleased for you as like me you have been suffering a long time. Has your morning anxiety gone now as I am still awful in the mornings. My mood is improved and last night when I went to bed I thought about something that actually made me 'laugh' to myself. I couldn't believe it, then this morning I woke with the usual dread and shakiness. I think things are improving but feel really fragile. I need the old feisty me back, ready to take on the world! xx

[karenp]

I felt great for one day that's all Katy but I've suddenly become hormonal the past couple of days, grrrrrrr ): I felt fine when I woke up at 6-30 this morning but then I fell asleep and woke up with a jolt at 8-05 when I realised it was school and we had half an hour to get up and ready and of the door. I just took my Lorazepam to calm down but felt really sleepy on it today but I am always really tired when I get all hormonal. I've bene into town though and walked, eaten something and feel fine now, just tired still and a weenie bit flatter than other days....I hate hormones ):

---------- Post added at 11:02 ---------- Previous post was at 11:01 ----------

Good for you managing to laugh again Katy (: Hopefully it will be lots more times soon.

[karenp]

Still sleeping great finally but still a bit if-y when I wake up but down to just one Lorazepam today and then I got out and about and began to feel totally normal. Had a bit of a stressful morning as my debit card has been cloned again, the same hting happened this time last year so I've got £3 now until a new card comes and a pin number. At least I can't spend anything though I suppose and luckily nothing has been taken from my account except by yours truly as I found out in time!!! Then I got a gas bill even though I don't have any gas at my little pad, doh!!! But I just calmly rang the bank and calmly rang the gas people up and everything is sorted. I used to get real panicky about talking to strangers on the telephone even though I used to be a recptionist and had to answer a phone all day long. After I gave up work I lost my confidence being a stay at home Mum though and got a bit of social phobia I think but now it never botheres me ringing people up I'm so used to it since I became a single Mummy!
I've forgotten how many days I've been on Cipralex now but it's 9 or 10 weeks and such a good AD!!!

[swgrl09]

Oh, I've been through that having your bank account/card compromised. What a pain it is, but like you said, luckily no money was taken.

I'm glad you continue to do well

[karenp]

ta darl (:

I didn't sleep very well for the first time in ages last night....blooooooomin hormones!!! I didn't have any Zopiclone to help either as I run out at the weekend and convinced myself I don't need them anymore but I always have trouble feeling irritable when I get all hormonal, so I was up and down at the loo all night wanting to wee too (who'd be a woman! lol) and tossing and turning and feeling more and more aggitated. I felt quite weepy too but can't seem to even cry nowadays, not that I want to be blubbing every 2 mins but sometimes it's a good release. I'm a weenie bit anxious now but probs because I've decided to ring to see my doctor a day early and I always get nervous about going incase they say no more sleeping pills and no more sedatives, you can only have Cipralex now and although I would probs cope I think I need them for a few more weeks until I properly adjust to 10mg's (: I'll only need the Zopiclone when I am an hormonal wreck though now as I really have been sleeping great lately.
Hope every one is ok, it's freezing here and I've promised to take William into town tonight after school to Mcdonalds instead of cosying up infront of the fire. he goes away for the first time ever on Monday for 2 nights on his school residential so I'm not sure how I feel about that yet...I'm torn between thinking peace and quet and no, my baby is leaving me but I'm not feeling anxious about it yet!!! (;

---------- Post added at 10:27 ---------- Previous post was at 08:17 ----------

I'm absolutely fine now (: I didn't ask for any Zopiclone after all as I'm more or less sleeping perfect now, last night was just because I am an hormonal witch at the mo, ha ha! Plus some pesky kid wanted a wee at midnight and woke me up! But I feel perfect right now, tired a bit with having no sleep but I shall resist snoozing through the day (:

---------- Post added at 10:28 ---------- Previous post was at 10:27 ----------

So now it's just Lorazepam to get off (:

[katy2104]

Hi Karen, you sound like you are doing really well, I'm so pleased for you. I too 'think' I am improving. My mood is definately better, it's just the anxiety first thing which is horrendous. Had decent day yesterday and had a walk on my own and called at a friends who was really pleased to see me (luckily it was her day off and I called on the off chance) A month ago I wouldn't have had the motivation to do that. The thing is it's such a slow process so I dare not be too optimistic about feeling better. I wouldn't worry about the Lorazepam as I am still taking diazepam 2 x 2 mg daily. My psychiatrist said I will be fine coming off it when the time is right. How is Lorazepam different to diazepam? Is it cold where you are as it's freezing here, I've just run a bath as I thought it would be warmer than having a shower!!!

[swgrl09]

The crying thing is hard, when I first went on the med at 10 mg back in september I did not cry for like 2 months or so ... finally was able to and I can now, even with the increase. I think it just is a bit harder to cry but once I get there, it all comes out lol

[Tunnel]

The crying thing is hard, when I first went on the med at 10 mg back in september I did not cry for like 2 months or so ... finally was able to and I can now, even with the increase. I think it just is a bit harder to cry but once I get there, it all comes out lol

I also find the med makes it harder to cry. You almost want to cry sometimes but can't. Its weird! I haven't cried since October 17, before i went on the med it was on and off all the time.

Mike

[karenp]

I'm an hormonal lump at the mo, ha ha so I'm finding it hard to sleep again and really wanted to cry yesterday but the tears wouldn't come at all, it's such a bizarre feeling isn't it. Even though I soon felt great once I was up and out and about. Mike how is your wife now? Less stressed out I hope. It's freezing here too and snowing. (we had snow last night Katy!)
Hopefully your anxiety will start to die down soon Katy. I think I was on Cipralex a good full 6 weeks before I started having totally anxiety free days, I'm still a bit flat and nervous when I first wake up but today feel more irritable with the old hormones than anxious which is why I've finally got up and come on here before my little boy gets up for school. 4mg's of D isn't much at all to help you along is it! I found Diazepam never touched me so prefer Lorazepam but 1mg =10mg's of D. I was on it 6 months befoe though and came off totally fine when I started waking up feeling completely normal and apart from buzzing with these pesky hormones at the mo, I'm getting there so fingers crossed it's only a matter of time before your anxiety leaves you too (: 10 weeks ago I was having panic attacks all the time and totally anxious most of the day so Cipralex really is good, I know you have gone through a terrible time ofcourse, far worse than a divorce but I really do think the Cipralex will help calm you and get you through the worst (:
Glad you still sound to be doing just great Mike and feel less anxious now about the burgalaries where you live. January is such a depressing month and for some low life to make it even more depressing. I'm doing ok I think this year even though I'll be one more year older next weekend ): Roll on spring time when all the dafodils come out everywhere over here in the UK (:
SWgrl so glad you seem to be doing so much better now...when do you get married darl???

[Tufty]

Morning Karen - what dose are you taking now? Just wondering cos I haven't felt so good since going up to 10mg and wondered if your blip is not only hormones but possibly due to increasing as well.
It's snowing here too, but had rained lots before so it's not settling, the kids have gone to school but it's only a question of time before they get sent home, alot of the teachers live in rural areas and if it keeps snowing they won't be able to get home so I'm expected them home by lunchtime.
I'm week 5 and a half now and although feeling less anxious most of the time and I don't wake in panic, I don't feel great, I'm still feeling low and like crying, but like the rest of you cannot cry. I'm sticking with it until 8 week though and then will think about changing the dose if I'm not improving. I feel more irritable too but can't blame my hormones
Hope you have a good day x