Can't get past it...

[PITITA]

I cannot get past the thought that I will develop schizophrenia. I feel my mind is so susceptible to all kinds of crazy thoughts. I was sitting on the bus today and was feeling really wierd psychologically, not even unreal...more like really confused and frightened and couldn't get a grip on how I was feeling and then I suddenly thought I will be having a psychosis in a minute and will lose complete touch with reality, and it wasn't just a thought I was CONVINCED it was gonna happen. Then suddenly when I looked out the bus window it seemd to me that the whole city was somehow off...like everything looked wierd and I just thought I was not part of the world...etc...I know it is so wierd.
I partly know why it happened though. Schizophrenia and the thought/fear of going mad is THE trigger for my anxiety. It always comes in all shapes and forms, but eventually I can reckognize the trigger and its always the same.
Anyway coming back to why I am feeling like this. On wednesday I had my counselling session and ( as some of you know ) I had to tell her about me feeling awfully depressed on saturday and I tried telling her quickly, because I felt better by wednesday but then we spent the entire session analyzing it. then half-way through the session she started asking me about my schizophrenia fear and it made my anxiety go through the roof instantly! Then she kept telling me more and more things about shizophrenia...how it develops and why she thinks it develops in people...etc. and im sure she had her best intentions but ever since I am feeling awful and am back to square one where I am SURE I am going to have it as well...[Ugh]
So hard for me to try and explain what really goes on in my head and feel quite alone, as I don't see as many recurring posts on this issue as me...people just seem to somehow overcome this issue, but for me this IS the issue. Am I making any sense? [Sigh...]

"If you magnify your imperfections and minimize your good points, you're guaranteed to feel inferior. But the problem isn't YOU its- its the crazy lenses you are wearing! " Feeling Good handbook

[cfury]

I'm glad I can help you with this subject, I just went through EXACTLY what you are going through now. It all started when I made the fatal mistake of checking my symptoms online. I thought I had schizophrenia and dementia, because I actually talk to myself alot and because I have had a clouded brain recently. I have had episodes when I'm really tired where I have the loss of awareness and feel out of touch with my surroundings. Then I started "hearing voices in my head." It was really my imagination and not hallucinations. My #1 greatest fear is going crazy or becoming mentally retarded, mainly because I have weird mental symptoms quite often. Just remember that people who actually are crazy don't realize it; people who are not insane are the ones who worry about it.

[PITITA]

I hear what you say cfury and have heard it so many times the same line...unfortunately in my twisted mind when I am having an episode of extreme anxiety my mind thinks I am about to be stroken down by psychosis, so I wouldn't know I was going crazy...so when I feel disoriented and unreal to me thats the first symptom of pychosis....does it make sense what Im typing?
I was just thinking today that I am so wierd, Im home by myself feeling completely lost and scared of things that nobody is scared of...mostly my own mind, but like ghosts mostly while at home...where did that come from I don't know. I just feel if I saw one that would mean I am already hallucinating..etc....im sure im not really making sense now...sorry xxx

"If you magnify your imperfections and minimize your good points, you're guaranteed to feel inferior. But the problem isn't YOU its- its the crazy lenses you are wearing! " Feeling Good handbook

[cfury]

You are making sense to me. You are afraid of being afraid lol. I always have that feeling every time I'm taking a shower. I worry about looking in the mirror and seeing something (actually more afraid of hallucinating than seeing a ghost). Trust me though, you are not schizophrenic. You will stop worrying about it in a week. A really weird memory came to mind just now. This morning before I woke up, I had the song "Simple Man" stuck in my head (weird how you can have a song stuck in your head while you sleep), and the part "Take your time-Don't live too fast. Troubles will come and they will pass" keeps coming to mind. Try thinking about that when you become overwhelmed with anxiety.

[cfury]

I know what it's like when people have no idea what you are talking about, but atleast I know what you're going through. But after my first anxiety attack, while I was laying in the Emergency Room, I was trying to explain to the doctor about this weird feeling like I was being sucked out of my body and dying. He looked at me and everybody (my mom, the 2 nurses, and the doctor) kept asking if it was any type of pain. Then after I had the AEG done for my heart, I got even more frustrated because I thought I was either going crazy or going to die.

[PITITA]

Oh Im so relieved that you understand what Im on about...lol
I so get what you mean about looking into the mirror, also when you say you felt sucked out of your body...
i believe you when you say i am not schizophrenic, but that doesn;t stop me from worrying that I will be one, any minute...
Aww cfury thanks so much for all the support you are giving me though, your my life-saver today as Im home alone and its dark and I have dark thoughts...sigh xxx hugs to you for replying!

"If you magnify your imperfections and minimize your good points, you're guaranteed to feel inferior. But the problem isn't YOU its- its the crazy lenses you are wearing! " Feeling Good handbook

[feels_like_home]

Hi,

Thank you both for posting about this. My biggest fear is going crazy. I can't watch anything on T.V or the movies that show or talk about crazy people. It really freaks me out. Depersonalization and derealization are my worst symptoms and the hardest to get rid of. I now know I am not alone.

Take care,

Michelle

[cfury]

Yeah the scariest thing about going crazy for me is being put in a mental hospital with all of the psychos rocking back and forth on the floor in the corner of their cell.

[honeybee3939]

Hi

Take a look at these posts they may help:

weird thoughts
odd thoughts...
Strange thoughts....Anyone else?
Silly thoughts
strange things!
worried...
scared and down!

negative thoughts – dealing with
Dealing with negative thoughts


Love

Andrea
xxx

[Charlottie]

Negative thoughts are weird.
Sometimes I start thinking why are we here? What is the point in us being alive? And then start to feel like I'm losing touch with reality.
It is very odd.
I sympathise with you.