Shaun, I'm so sorry for your loss. As others have said before me, this isn't your fault in any way whatsoever. Some things are just beyond our control, and they will come about no matter what we do.

If it helps, let me tell you the story of my brother. He was 11 years older than me but died in 1999 aged 45. He had complained of a feeling in his chest for around 6 months, but our local hospital could find nothing. So he was transferred to Glenfield Hospital in Leicester and straightaway they found a tumour between his heart and lungs.

We were led to believe his prognosis was good, that he would be left with one lung, but that people can live with just the one. I wanted to visit him before going to Leicester, but he said to wait until he comes out. So I agreed which was a mistake. He died on the operating table, the cancer was more aggressive than they thought and had begun to attack his heart.

What I'm trying to say is there often isn't any rhyme or reason as to how life pans out. It just happens and we have to accept it. He left behind a wife and two young sons aged 15 and 11. It just didn't seem possible and yet there it was.

You are feeling this now, but it will get better and you will come to accept and live with it. Meanwhile, keep posting here buddy, we are listening ok?